I am heartbroken

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For those of you who have read my posts about my family and know that we are not good terms, I will write a short synopsis.

In nutshell, my family members have made me the black sheep for having autism and being a truth teller for other reasons. They basically treat me like someone who doesn't count as a family member and have seemed to leave me at the bottom of their list. Rather, they seem to treat me like I am obligation at times while the rest I am an outsider where no matter what I do will ever be good enough. So I stopped talking to them.

However, I found out through the grapevine that my youngest sister got married yesterday and just about everyone else in my family but me was invited. Though it probably was for the best, it still hurts because it's family and blood is thicker than water.

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I know what you mean. They shouldn't have treated you like crap in that way.

I talked to someone about theme earlier today and they said that it probably isn't just about being excluded from the wedding. Rather, it's probably a much bigger picture. We also discussed that this is probably a trigger of the sadness part of the grieving process.

I know it's not me because a majority of my family members have the tendency to have their noses in the air and most for no reason. They also tend to live in their own little world and don't make an effort for other people and are oblivious why people get so mad at them.

No matter what "grieving" or "trigger," or whatever, they shouldn't have excluded you from the wedding.

I wouldn't get all bitter about it. Life is like that sometimes.

It doesn't mean you are "less." It probably means they are "less."

Sweet Pea hugs

I don't feel bitter about being excluded, I feel hurt and I can't stop crying because it hurts. However, I do have a history of getting really frustrated with them and losing my temper with them because they don't know to treat me. So they think that I am unpredictable.

I'm sorry you're hurt. I can sort of feel the "hurt" right now.

It's good that you have somebody to talk to.

Yes I do and actually, I didn't want to go to the wedding because I am not in speaking terms with my family so I don't know my sister and brother-in-law. I also didn't want to loose my cool with them. Again, I think the person who talked to me is probably correct about the situation triggering grief. Why? I was robbed of having a loving family who accepts me for who I am. Actually, it's not just that factor, I am seem to be at the bottom of a lot of their lists. They never contact me when they want something. Other times, they have driven to my state either on their way to another to spend vacation with other family members or friends. Yet, I am never invited. They only have time to see me for an hour or two out of obligation and then they move on.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. I’m the black sheep of my family, so I know what it’s like.

It sounds like they aren’t worth your time.

It sounds like they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]

I completely agree with you because they have let me down time and time again. I have even tried to confront them for what they did but they don't seem to care or really get it. The last time I confronted my sister, for instance, she told me

"I don't know why you feel that way but I am sorry that you do. Go lead a fufilling life and let this other stuff go." This was while she was engage, I threw a comeback in her face. "I wouldn't have your wedding outside because ice melts." She used to be a lot nicer but as she's gotten older, she's gotten to be pretty stuck up.

This is disgusting. You should probably send this story to HuffPost Personal or Slate.

I've been treated like this by acquaintances and people who I may have thought were friends, but never my own family (although in the interest of full disclosure I don't really have much family).

Sending you my love and strength. I have found comfort in this concept in queerness of chosen family, because queer kids are often ostracized, there's strength and family in other queer people. I'm happy that you wrote here and look for support in autistic people who understand what you are going through. My family is pretty similar situation. Luckily I have two cousins who are nice, so I can sort of handle the rest of them, also it helps I moved far away lol.

Even though it hurts, in despite of what your family does and says and thinks, you are valuable and good enough just as you are

Ok, I should probably tell the whole story and yes my family members were abusive to me when I was growing up. On the contrary, I wasn't always perfect either. Rather, I had my moments where I have sunk to their level by losing my temper, threatening them, even hitting my mom and sister at times. Still, I had my moments where I was pretty sassy at them if I didn't like something. Likewise, I have to recognize they are still using that against me because I am the black sheep. All of them are somehow stuck on the fact that I am still dangerous and violent because I get mad at them. Well actually, I am just tired of their crap.

Family dynamic

My immediate family members were dysfunctional and have a lot of personal issues of their own. They have the need to be right all the time and it's always someone else's fault. They are also extremely stuck on themselves because they have multiple talents and think they are somehow entitled to this or that however, they didn't earn anything. Yes, that attitude rubbed off on me as well. My mom and one of my sisters (Not the one who just got married) are severely narcissistic next to having other issues to with mental illness. While my mom eventually made me the black sheep, both of my sisters were her golden children. My dad also washed his hands of me and he made it clear to my mom one time while I was in bed that he wanted nothing to do with me.

I ended up moving in with my aunt (Mom's sister) about 19 years ago because my I didn't want to live with them anymore and they also made it clear that they didn't want me around because they didn't know how to and want to deal with my issues - Meltdowns, crying, losing my temper, and my weirdness. My aunt was also on the spectrum but she also battled with mental illness but hers was more mild and under control. However, she was also narcissistic and controlling and yes she abused me as well at times. Yet, she acted more like a mom to me than my own and we had a better relationship.





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