Finished my Christmas shopping

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And I feel depressesion intead of holiday cheer because my mom decided to take control of everything I'm getting for everybody. Everything i thought about getting for anybody she finds a problem with and picks something of her choosing instead and even goes way over my budget but of course expects me to pay her back.

I just want to die. f**k Christmas! I'm tired of my control freak mother.

I finished my Christmas shopping, Christmas dinners, and Christmas Stresses YEARS ago.

As for your mother? DON"T pay her back. Maybe she'll learn not to be such a control freak. Stop enabling her behavior.

I get the pleasure of buying multiple gifts for everyone on my mother's list including myself, my brother, her grandchildren, her daughter-in-law, my partner, my ex-partner, her neighbours, packages sent overseas, etc., plus stocking stuffers for all of the above, and keeping a detailed list to make sure it's all equitable and everyone has "big" gifts as well as "little gifts". She pays me back but it takes me months to figure it out because I also have to run amok returning things that don't fit, or calculating tax and shipping fees on everything. I'm sure I come out at a loss.

One year my Visa card and my Amazon account both got frozen because of an error I made by mistake, on her behalf. Oh, and I have to be home to accept all those deliveries, or run to the courier (40 minute drive), if I miss a parcel. Then I have to wrap them all and take them all to her house because that's where we do the gift exchange. The pressure starts somewhere around Thanksgiving (October), but often sooner. I don't hear the end of it with the accounting until about March. She keeps complaining if I don't buy enough or deliver it wrapped to her house soon enough (e.g., weeks ago), but she also complains if I spend too much. She won't give me a budget. In return for all of this she gaslights me with comments like "Well I guess we just won't have Christmas this year if you don't want to be bothered, even though this is likely my last Christmas since I'm dying ... "

This ^^ is on top of what I buy from myself, for all of those people including her.

This year I get the added bonus of doing all my brother's shopping for all those people including myself, and sorting out that money with him too.

And did I forget to mention we also have two Christmas birthdays? I'm in charge of all those gifts to and from both people, and the gifts from me, and the birthday cake(s), and the dinner reservations.

Oh, and cooking the Christmas turkey.

And taking care of my mother every day since ... she's dying.

And taking care of my brother every day since ... he went blind.

* Jingle all the way *

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 11 Dec 2022, 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's not that I minded doing the shopping or even paying for it all, but I wanted to at least have the luxury of picking out something that comes directly from me for each person in my family. I don't understand why she couldn't at least allow me to be the one to pick out the presents?

It's the dark side of Christmas, that no one talks about. ^

At least my mom has been in a better mood this year than she normally is around the holidays...

To get an idea of what it's normally like trying to prepare Christmas with her watch this. I'm not exaggerating.

https://youtu.be/naDgcdtV9hI

That could be me -- with all my responsibilities.
I have empathy for her.

My problem is I'm mute with my mum so I couldn't speak up like that if I tried.

My Mom has PTSD and chronic health issues so I try not to hold everything against her... but it can be hard on me too. I always get the feeling nobody understands what it's for me having bipolar disorder AND autism and having to constantly watch my temper so I don't explode with psychotic anger over the most minor things.

Some days I feel like Lois in that video too. In fact I have been known to throw plates and smash my TV when fighting with my mom over stupid things.

I've also had days like this lady here.

https://youtu.be/XcQlzNNRK1o

I have meltdowns too, the only difference from Family Guy is that mine are non-verbal.
I don't always smash things but I certainly have in the past.
I have to keep myself from flipping out like that.

We all have to watch our tempers.
Most of us have PTSD and / or mental illness co-morbids.
Many of us have brain injuries too.

It's hard to get through the holidays because we want everyone to be happy.
I could easily tell my mother to sod off, but I know she likes her routines.
She wants Christmas done exactly the way it was when she was able-bodied.
I suppose it's the least I can do for her.

I guess you're right about all that...

I know that usually after the stress and drama of the holidays is over what's left of our family these days eats together and opens presents together it does feel like it was worth it and we both go back to being in good moods for awhile at least.

My mom just wants the same thing I want which is for everybody in our family to have a happy Christmas.

You're exactly right.

My dad died on Christmas Eve so that's another stressor for her (and me).
It's a very emotional time and I know she's trying to recapture what we had in the past.

My mom's sister was murdered on her birthday and they both shared the same birthday I think so that is why my mom has never celebrated her birthday. We do Mother's Day instead because ber birthday is so close to Mother's Day.

But I don't know what it is about Christmas that makes her act more out of character than usual. I don't think it's just the stress of the holiday blues, I think something else must have happened to her in her past that brings up bad memories and past trauma around Christmas. Stuff she probably doesnt feel comfortable talking about.

Ive heard things both from her and from other people about how very horrible she had it growing up and things that went on with her marriages that I was unaware of as a kid.

But then again I've had things happen to me too that I felt were either ignored or dismissed. Ive kept stuff bottled up in the back of my memories for years which is probably part of why I have some anger issues myself.

Part of it is bipolar disorder but part of it is also things like having a mother who is often verbally abusive towards me and not to mention a father, stepfather, and an entite extended family that abandoned me as a kid.

I never really understood that last part. I get that my Mom has PTSD, but was there something wrong with me as a kid that caused my actual dad and his family to reject me along with my stepdad's family after they divorced and my mom's family too?

Sometimes I feel like my mom is the only family member I have who truly loves me despite the problems I have with her at times and that's not only warped my perception of people and made me clingy to the few friends I have but maybe it's made my relationship with my mom unhealthy in a way?

Today my mother is crying and saying "You're not helping me!", because my daughter doesn't want enough gifts so I have to think of more. This after I've already bought about 30 items for my mum to give people.

She expects me to get all the ideas, buy the things, wrap the things, and put mum's name on the tag. My daughter has to have the same number of packages as the other grandchildren AND have the same number of "big" vs. "little" items, AND be the same dollar value. We are not allowed to give money to balance the amount between people.

My daughter wants very little and I have to give her a few things from myself as well, but mum gets angry if I put my name on any of the tags or if I use up any of the gift ideas. My daughter is getting ticked off that people keep pestering her for gift ideas. She doesn't want stuff she doesn't want. She doesn't want to waste money. But my mum gets angry if she doesn't want more things.

While she was whinging that I need to generate more gifts for MD she was simultaneously telling me she can't afford any more gifts and she's spent too much. That's funny because she hasn't spent a dime yet. It's all on my credit card and I've yet to even show her the receipts or ask for reimbursement.

This outta be fun.