Loneliness.. Is this rational/possible?

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I dont know if this is part of having AS but I NEED a girlfriend who will understand or has my "issues". Is it part of having AS to feel like someone has to be in love with you or else you feel lower than s**t? Or is it just me? I feel so lonely right now, Ill even relocate just so I can start dating a girl who will actually understand me. (I really can do it too) No one near me is like this and the only people Ive ever met who would understand me are from this site.. I mean, I didnt really have problems hooking up with girls when I was in highschool cause I wasnt ugly but because I was always misunderstood the relationship never lasted for more than a week or two. Only reason why it even lasted that long is cause they felt bad about letting me go cause of how sweet I was and they knew that I really did care about them. So I know that asking this on here so soon is an outright foolish thing to do but I dont care I need it that badly. Is there anyone on here who would even consider me? Now I feel like an ideot.. But Im not mind you Just insanely love-sick! .. and as of now very embarrassed but who knows...

I see no correlation between loneliness and AS.

Tim

I feel like even more of an idiot, because I'm a girl and could get humped and dumped if I'm not careful, and remembered forever as the fool who couldn't wait. But I know exactly what you mean and feel exactly the same way. When my depresion gets worse, so does the need for this. I think it's making up for lost time. But embarrassment and caution aside, I'm SURE there is at least ONE person on here who will consider you. Or rather, is considering you.

actually, being humped and dumped has it's own kinda charm, and if you KNOW that is all it is, at least you can be in some control of the situation.

just see it for what it is, a hump and dump, and move on. I've never been able to see any sort of lieason with a man and not think that somehow this was going to be the be all and end all of all relationships, so I have never seen it EVER as a 'hump and dump' hence, my signature.

Merle

______________________________

Pity the heart that is slow to learn
what the quick mind sees at every turn. . .
Edna St. Vincent-Millay

I totally agree with you, but I meant humped and dumped as in raped and killed; I'm terified that that might happen but I know I have to take risks... and I think I met someone on here that I'm very much like!

Well I disagree with the both of you on this one.. I mean, I guess I would agree if it wasnt such a risky thing to do these days. Im a very cautious person

Last edited by username88 on 12 Aug 2007, 8:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What I meant is that being with ANYONE runs that risk. It's a small risk, as I believe there are more clean people out there who are desperate for love than diseased people who are desperate for love, but if someone is diseased, I'd just tell him to wear a condom if he had to rape me. As for the killing factor... you'll never learn if you can trust that person if you carry a handgun everywhere with you, and he/she knows you have it (it's kind of hard to hide, especially once you start getting intimate.)


I feel your pain though-- desperate but too cautious to do something about it. I've felt that way off and on (and still do sometimes). Mostly I'm just lonely in the same way you are, username88.

oh, geeze Louise! I had no idea you meant RAPED AND KILLED! I was talking about being seduced and then the relationship dropped.

LOL; it's not a common expression everywhere; I keep forgetting the world isn't the YMCA of Edmonton; sorry. I hope I wasn't rude. I know; it makes much more sense to mean simply screwed and then, well, dumped.


Take some Prozac, Sinsboldly, I wasn't trying to mess with ya.

I think needing someone to be in love with you is unhealthy- it seems to me like it's one of those things that could make it very hard for a relationship to work, in the long run. . . that said, not needing it leaves a lot of room for loneliness.

What I do think is healthy to need- and what I think is hard for aspies to come by without having someone in love with them- is to have a good number of people who would, say, care if they disapeared and faded off into nonexistence. . .

I had a friend in HS who dropped out because she dropped off the earth for six weeks and no one asked her about it. I wasn't a great friend at the time- didn't have the skills to be. I've long regretted it.

You can get this by having volunteering obligations where people expect- and, over time, come to know and like- you. People appreciate their volunteers; it's also not nearly as stressful as any other way I know of meeting people- there's a pre-arranged, time consuming activity; they have a reason to like you from the outset; you don't have to worry about your performance, as at a job. . . and the rules are a lot simpler than in a normal social situation.

Also. . .
I'm pretty sure "humped and dumped"- either way- will never be what I'm after no matter how much control I have over the situation. . .


BTW, Merle, your avatar makes me happy inside. . .

uhhhh.... well, I will pass on the Prozac.. thanks, though

I think everyone has the need to be loved... and its healthy. There are however different kinds of love.

For example the love for a close friend or family is different then a spouse.

Yeah it's a personal love, like it's just meant for you, is what it is, like when 2 people are in love it's just a love they share with each other.

But love with a close friend or family is the kind that Ive only had bad experiences with, and it doesnt mean nearly as much to me than with a spouse.. I mean, of course Ive had bad experiences with girls too, but there has always been a short period of time where we both feel strongly about eachother.. That sort of feeling cant be substituted by any other feeling on Earth.. Its the feeling that gives me confidence, self worth, etc.. But most importantly it makes me feel insanely good inside.. I mean Im always lonely and miserable, is it unhealthy to want to feel happy? Or at least in this way?

I wouldn't deny that it's different; it's just. . . needing it makes you, well, needy- and in my experience, that's not a great recipe for a healthy relationship.

Stable, positive interaction with other human beings can act as an emotional stablizer- it can make tone down the needieness, which in turn helps make romantic relationships better.

Jainaday, the only way to cure thirst is with water. Or do I misunderstand you?


I also had bad experiences with family and friends... or just boring lack of good experiences... and I'm also very needy like you.