I'm feeling down about my diagnoses

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I feel so awkward lately plus I wish I didnt take medication. I talk too much and too little at the same time. I have unhealthy coping methods. People think I'm weird. I'm not getting a long with my family that well. They dont understand and get mad at me for stuff that's hard for me. Like I'm told to act my age all the time or that I'm unreasonable because I'm overwhelmed.

Honestly I wish I didnt get overwhelmed so easily. I get brain fog. Its stressful. It adds to my overwhelm. Even just going outside sometimes feels overwhelming. I feel awkward during interactions. I feel like I walk weird and that people think I'm weird. I'm scared bad things are going to happen.

I feel like I should be able to get over this stuff. It's not easy at all. People tell me I can though. I've been pretending or telling myself that I dont have any diagnoses at all. I haven't learned to embrace myself. I also feel like people tend to focus on my weaknesses more than my skills. It makes me feel like I have no skills. I struggle with learning so it's a bit harder for me to do things. It takes me much longer to learn stuff and sometimes I dont learn stuff. Like I have a hard time with brushing my hair, I try but I still need help. Hygeine is even worse because I forget what to do. In school it took me forever to figure out my combination lock. It was embarassing. I had to ask a special ed teacher to open it for a while. My locker was next to the room.

I just feel embarassed. I have no friends. Social interactions constantly make me feel like I'm being rejected. People judge me before they get to know me it feels or they get to know me and just dont like me.
I have appointments coming up. I'm gonna be more honest than ever.

Once when I forgot my locker combination my high school home room teacher lifted her leg and slammed my head against my locker with her foot. She asked me if I had dementia. I said no. Then she asked me why I forgot my combination. I said, sorry Miss I don't know. Then she said, I'll ask you one more time. She applied more pressure on my head. I said please stop this! I don't know! She took her foot off of my head and I could breathe again.

I remembered my combination shortly after that incident. And I never forget it from then onwards.

^Sorry you had to go through that.

I wish it was like today----when she could have been filmed doing this, and getting in trouble.

She would habitually have intercourse with the principal too, during breaks or after school hours. Many students saw them go at it in a number of different rooms across campus. The headmaster was a pro in taekwondo so I think a lot of his skills rubbed off on her. She left after a couple months though. She was really good looking but I mean if you gonna ram students heads against lockers you gotta hit the curb. That isn't acceptable AT ALL.