I need to get out but I'm too agoraphobic

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I'm off work this week but because we don't have much planned until new year's eve I'm not going out of the house at all. I've been suffering with agoraphobia probably since 2020 and although I have been out alone since, I still don't enjoy it, and exposure doesn't cure it with me.

I can attend social gatherings easily but actually going out into the street and walking is a whole different thing. I feel like people are looking at me and it's no good saying "just ignore them" because it cannot be ignored, just like racism or transphobic comments cannot be ignored online or something.

I'm thinking of taking one of my rats out with me in the special backpack I bought that's specifically designed for small pets, but I know my boyfriend won't let me. But I think it may encourage me to go out and get some fresh air. I'll only go around the block. And I wouldn't mind if people looked at me then because there'll be a reason. Some people might even stop and ask me about my rat, which I don't mind. I like interacting with strangers if there's a reason, I just don't like unexplained stares.

Yeah, when I left home and didn't have a dog to walk anymore it was more difficult for me to go on walks. I understand the desire to take a pet with you.

I agree you can't just "ignore" agoraphobia or scopophobia. They're anxiety disorders which are very difficult to treat. I know because I've had both for many years. I don't see how it relates to racism or transphobia though. Those aren't anxiety disorders for the recipient. They're active choices by whoever commits them, generally with the purpose of judging or hurting others. The only similiarity might be if a person with agoraphobia / scopophobia was egregiously bullied or physically threatened / harmed by people as they walked down the street, rather than just fearing it in their mind.

Well usually I get the cliché advice of "just ignore them" when I get people staring or laughing at me, but it's not as easy as that, otherwise we could all do and say what we want to hurt others and they can just use the "just ignore them" power and no feelings would ever be hurt. It doesn't quite work like that, as you and I know well. Humans are sensitive creatures, even the most extroverted types with larger egos still may resent people judging them. So people like me (I have RSD, as written in my signature and I'm self-conscious) are especially sensitive to other people's reactions and can't help taking them personally.
So after being treated poorly by members of the public in my younger years (like targeted, laughed at, stared at, jostled, sexually harassed, and teenagers making random noises in my face) it's kind of left me feeling resentful and angry whenever I feel I'm being judged by a stranger when I'm not doing anything to be judged. People may judge if they like if I have a rat on me, because it's unusual and people have a reason to be drawn to me. But when I'm just walking along minding my own business and not doing anything unusual I expect to be left alone.
Also people often say to me "the more you go out the less agoraphobic you will feel", but that isn't true for me. All through the summer I walked to and from work, which is almost 2 miles each way, but I still felt anxious each time I went out. Sometimes my boyfriend had to come and pick me up because there were days where I just could not face the public.

Last edited by Joe90 on 28 Dec 2022, 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why do people stare or laugh at you?

Because, as a non-obvious Aspie, I still give off a vibe that makes me conspicuous and I hate it.

When were you diagnosed RSD?

Have you had treatment for agoraphobia? Just wondering what strategies or meds your doctor recommended.

I haven't been diagnosed but I've read in several places that RSD is more or less a common symptom that comes with ADHD, and RSD describes me completely. I never heard of it before I joined an ADHD group on Facebook. It's a very accurate thing to describe me and I've been suffering with it since I was about 10 or 11 years old.

I was having therapy for my severe public self-consciousness but when the therapist suggested we go out to expose myself and try and prove to myself that nobody's really judging me as much as I think they are, I panicked and cancelled the services.
Yes, I'm a fool.

I don't think therapy would have helped much anyway. Too many bad experiences have occured in my life with strangers in public and are enough to make me believe I'm a walking freak for life. Some can never be explained.

Does your ADHD treatment help with RSD / Agoraphobia?

I've had Agoraphobia and Scopophobia my whole life. Scopophobia in particular is common with Autism. They both got worse after severe CPTSD, to the point I couldn't work at all. My trauma therapist and ADHD neuropsych have both been active in helping me. My ADHD meds help a little bit too.

Going back to the racism / trans comparison, I think the difference is that people who are marginalised for their ethnicity or orientation have no possibility of changing the way they're perceived by others. At least you and I can go to therapy, learn a few strategies, and hope we won't be victimised for who we are. Others don't have that luxury.

@IsabellaLinton I just used it as an example. Telling people on the spectrum or other disorders we can't help to ignore the judgement from strangers in public is like telling a black person to ignore any racist judgement from strangers.

But anyway I don't really want to get bogged down on the subject of racism and other things like that lol. All I'm saying is that I cannot ignore other people's judgements. If I catch someone (more likely another female) staring at me it will ruin my whole day and I'll worry that she was judging me.
But I've had worse than that happen to me in public. I've had girls snicker at me, physically point and laugh at me, stare at me but then turn away if I smile or greet them, turf me off a bench in a humiliating way, the list goes on and on. Admittedly these incidents are happening less and less...but that's because I go out less and less.
I used to get buses all the time and the amount of unique incidents I've had happen to me is just unbelievable. Going out knowing I look a perfect target for jerks just makes me resent myself, believe that I'm ugly and worthless, and even makes me worry that I'm also an easy target for murderers and rapists.
I know most Aspies bang on about what sort of "body language" I'm doing but what "body language" am I supposed to do? What "body language" does anyone do? What "body language" can you possibly give off when you're just walking along the street? If people's thoughts and intentions were that obvious through "body language" then I think more people intending to commit suicide would be saved. I mean if a person was walking through the street on their way to a bridge to jump off, even if they are looking sad, people still aren't going to look and think "oh, quick, their body language is telling me that they're about to commit suicide, quick, let's stop them before it's too late!" The only way you could really tell is if they were yelling "I've had enough of this life, I'm ending it all!"
Oops, I'm waffling on here. I'll stop now.

I'm not disagreeing with you about the fact you can't ignore Agoraphobia.
When people tell me to ignore any of my conditions, I tell them to sod off.

And yeah, I've had a lot worse than people staring at me or snickering.
Much worse.
You know about that because I've told you before.

When trauma is involved, trauma needs to be treated as much as the Agoraphobia / Anxiety.

Well I managed to get out for a walk today, and I took my rat with me. I think I was getting anxious about being indoors for too long without getting any fresh air, exercise or sunlight. With me one anxiety can override the other, which has happened in this case.
I didn't feel so anxious with my rat, because holding him distracted me from my social anxieties. Some people looked and smiled at the rat, others turned away because they were probably afraid of rats. Some didn't even notice at all.

I'm in now and the thought of going back out again scares me, but at least I did it. Now I don't have to feel guilty for not getting out the house for 3 days.

I've been affected by it too. If I go along narrow streets, I feel fine. But wide open or busy places makes me feel anxious.

I never had this problem when I was a kid. I used to really like the freedom, actually. Now I avoid buses as well.

there is something wrong with everything.

agoraphobia vs claustrophobia

Did you carry your rat in your hands as opposed to a rucksack or bag/box?

If so I'm not surprised you got attention..

Read my posts carefully, you'll find I explained about the getting attention for no reason Vs getting attention for a reason.