Someone paid for my groceries last week; it was depressing

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So, I (39M) have 4 kids. One of them (5M) is very autistic and very nonverbal. Its "autism with speech apraxia."

He's a weird dude. There is no way of getting around that fact. He is obsessed with drumming on random objects and he often makes a humming sound when he is happy. When he is really happy, he yells. He also yells when he is unhappy. They are different screams.

He likes going with me to the grocery store. I took him with me this past Saturday and he was walking next to me. I had to hold his hand a lot because he likes to wander off and drum on things and make his noises. But, he is happy so I am happy.

I guess I've normalized it so much that to me I don't think its unusual. But it occurred to me that people are probably noticing him not talking and his mannerisms.

When I checked out the groceries, I put my card in and as I was leaving, I said "hey there is no receipt" to the cashier. She said "don't worry about it, its been taken care of."

I was shocked, I didn't know how to react. I said "I have money, its not a problem."

It occurred to me after I left that this older (60+) couple behind me probably told the cashier that they would pay for our groceries. I had seen them while walking around and I didn't really notice them. But, I am sure they saw us.

I have a good job and I did not like the feeling, so I donated the same amount of money to the local food bank.

It has made me feel self conscious about going out with my son. I want so badly for him to be able to go out and just be himself without people reacting. But I guess that is probably an unrealistic expectation. I've normalized his behavior so much and its only when I compare it to kids his age that I see how different it is. People notice his not talking, and also his noises he makes.

I hate how the world sees him as a charity case. I think someday he could be a computer programmer or something real. The world seems to want him and people like him to be a charity job at best. Someday, I think he could make enough money to donate to someone else who is more in need.

The version of him that I know is one that is obsessed with numbers and is sortof getting into typing. He has a strong sense of order that only makes sense to him. Other people see him and just feel sorry for him.

Admittedly, I don't know if thats the reason why. I don't even know who did it or why. Maybe they thought I was soooo good looking hah.

Could be someone seeing you as a charity case. But do you think there's also the possibility that this was an error? That would be the first thing I would suspect.

You're probably right on the reason why. They likely assumed taking care of a special needs child is costly in terms of time you can't be at work earning money or for special services etc and figured they'd help out where they could. They don't know you have an income that can support a family of 5-6. I get that you're irked by the assumptions, the charity case thing, assuming you need the assistance etc But, thing is, I bet the Majority of folks with kids with obvious differences Could use that help, especially these days.. so, I think you did the perfect thing by paying it forward to the local food bank right away.

Never discourage someone from doing those things because the world needs more of it, IMO. Just pay it forward right quick if you don't Need to be the recipient. Then those people, and others like them, will still be likely to help others in actual need vs. refrain because they might offend someone. It would suck to murder their spirit of spontaneous generosity by expressing offence or being insulted, IMO.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I wouldn't let it bother me, if it's kindness you didn't need, you've already paid it forward.

^^^^^ Seriously, take it in the spirit is offered. No need to be depressed by kindness. Haven't you ever just wanted to do something nice for someone who was having a rougher day than you were? It's not an act of pity, just somebody saying "here, I've got this"

Its no different that holding a door open for someone who has their hands full. Try paying it forward sometime and see if it feels like an act of pity or something different. Its never been motivated by pitty when I've done it, its offering a little help to someone who needs a hand. Its what we should all be doing when we can

If it's up for a vote then I vote with goldfish21, Pay it forward.

- Maybe they thought you had cute kids.
- Maybe they were doing a random act of kindness and you just happened to be there.
- Maybe it is their way of saying they think you're doing a good job.
- Etc.

Don't overthink it. And if you didn't need their help with the groceries then that means you now have some spare cash to be nice to some other complete stranger.