My autistic boyfriend's mother died

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Conspiracy
Butterfly
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04 Apr 2023, 5:48 pm

My 32-year-old's mother died last week. She has been ill for quite a while, but it was still unexpected. He was raised by her as a single mother and has no siblings, it was always him and her. He has also been her full-time carer for the past 7 years or so.

He's really not doing great :( The autism is another factor in all this. I'm also most likely autistic, I'm waiting for a diagnosis.

I just don't know what to do to help. He says me just being there is enough but I keep wanting to do more.

Any advice?



goldfish21
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06 Apr 2023, 1:20 am

Conspiracy wrote:
Any advice?

Listen to him. Be there for him.

Every autistic person is different And everyone grieves differently. If what he wants/needs from you is for you to simply be there with him, then do that thing. No sense in interrogating him asking over and over what else you can do if there isn't anything else he wants/needs/expects etc as it might just become irritating for him.

Just be there for him. Maybe offer to do some basic things he might be neglecting - like getting a drink, or preparing a hot meal, or cleaning up if he's neglecting things. He might appreciate little things like that. But you can't Make Him want/need something else and communicate it to you so you can offer some perfect grief response.. that's just not how humans work when people die.


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klanka
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06 Apr 2023, 3:53 am

Yeah you're probably doing enough