Why am I self imposing pressure ?

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I seem to feel like my brain isn't giving me an answer to why I am imposing pressure on myself to do things just because other people are doing them but I don't really want to do them but I feel like a part of me wants to order to ''keep up with the Jones''. I've been told by some people in my family to try and accept that I am different and to embrace it and maybe try and accept that if things like having kids is not for you, then you don't have to have them and to stop comparing to other people but the thoughts still persist. I seem to think that women including some I recognise from my school or college days are having kids even if they don't really want to because they need to ''catch up'' with everyone else. I feel at times this pressure makes me feel anxious as though my time is running out and so I need to think about it now before it is too late. I keep hearing a lot of stories of famous people having children much later in life getting a lot of narrow-minded, judgemental comments about having a baby late, such as actress Hilary Swank had twins at 48, Michael Douglas in his 50s or 60s having a baby with 30 year old Catherine Zeta Jones, and now its Robert de Niro at 79, had his seventh child, although I'm just as guilty of thinking ''Well, that is far too old to have a baby.''

Other things I find myself trying to compare to such as other people's body fitness, their jobs/careers, their cars, going out to places I don't want to go to (social environments like bars, pubs) etc doesn't seem to be happily inspiring me. I just keep getting envious thoughts popping up and it feels as though its not ''normal'' to feel that way. Again, I look at some those things and don't feel that very interested in those things those other people are doing and yet I still have thoughts popping up in my head. Although I've explained that sometimes its not what that they are doing that envies me its the success it looks like they have already achieved that envies me.

It's an unfortunate effect of the human mind.

To me it sounded like you've been spoonfed a certain idea, and want to uphold a standard based of those ideas.

It's just one of the countless nonsense that the subconscious mind does.
Usually it stems from childhood or upbringing.

At some point, you've been convinced to compete, conform and keep up with your peers.

Didn't matter why -- if it's one's social driven inner core, ego and pride and appearances, or any convoluted idea of haves and not haves with the ideas of happiness.

Yet in later life, you've been told to accept and embrace the idea of not having, not carrying out whatever social drive...


When it came to me, I'm already convinced that I don't want any of those ideas.
Even if I like the idea of having children -- I don't see myself as having any lovers and I never seen myself as wrong.

So from the get go, I wasn't persuaded to those same ideas.

So for now I myself have a similar dilemma of different ideas; it's related to how I think, feel or act is very opposed to how I want it.

I don't know a direct or a complete solution.
As far as I've gathered, it's to sit, be aware of it and self inquire.
But I'm sure that's just a first step and a half... Or less.

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