My therapist dumped me

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As I've mentioned in other threads, I have been having the most harrowing year of my life after losing my best friend of 40 years and the most important person in my life. I did what I could trying to "get help." I saw a psychiatrist (but not anymore), and I have been seeing a therapist for a year, and although she couldn't really help me, she was an enormous source of support given that my circle is so small and I've already asked so much of the few people I know, making them listen to me wail in despair, over and over.

She recommended I see someone who is more knowledgeable about autism and possibly BPD and is just better equipped to deal with my issues. And I reluctantly agreed, but I didn't think it meant that the therapist I have been relying on would then dump me! And it's her prerogative so there's nothing I can do about it. I've actually had to expend great effort to not write her 20 emails begging her to keep helping me. (I only wrote about 4, which I know is already more than I should have, but I may not be able to stop myself.)

Her reason is that since she can't help me it would be unethical for her to keep taking my money. But that's clearly not true because providing emotional support is a recognized function of therapists, so she is helping me. She also says she is out of her league and that this is about ensuring I get the level of help I need. But, again, that doesn't make sense because I could see both my new therapist for her expertise and also still my old one for emotional support.

I am in such a bad way, struggling every day just to get through the day, and she knows this. How can she do this to me, taking away one of the few threads that I am hanging by, knowing how badly I'm doing? I'm not mad at her, I'm just in disbelief. (But also not in disbelief, because therapists and psychiatrists have never helped me and have in many cases made me worse, in part with shenanigans like this. But what other option is there?)

Sorry that I don't have a solution to apply or path to take to offer, I can recognize that is a distressing thing to be experiencing.

The therapist should have provided a referral in that case. It sucks being dumped for any reason. I still remember when my insurance company took my group therapy away and I didn't get any help replacing the support.

I'd consider it unethical to stop service to somebody that needs help without at least a referral.

I know you probably don't want to hear this but your therapist was right to refer or signpost you to a more suitable mental health professional.
She gave her reasons clearly, and she has to uphold her standards to protect both you and her.
Your attachment to your therapist is understandable as she has been your emotional crutch for a whole year - that is a long time.
Finding a decent therapist we can relate with and feel safe with takes time so it is no wonder you are so shaken by this.
Have a think about what you really need right now? Is it therapy? A good friend to listen and not judge? Some other kind of help?
If it is a special kind of grief therapy or special kind of helper then they might be better equipped to help you.
Peace and love.

Sweet Pea hugs

What else is there? Just us weirdos. That said, I do hope you can find who you need. I do know it's "slim pick'ns" here in TX.

I'm new (Nice to meet you, bee33.), and read your OP, and thought of this: It could also be that your original Therapist is reaching a troubled point in their own life, one that they're professionally not allowed to share with you or any other clients... and has to put down a lot of things to heal, even lightening their client load, to heal.
I don't know any inner-details obviously, but they're a person with struggles too, and maybe they're come to a point in their personal life where they can no longer operate like they always have.
This may be left-field, perhaps even an unwelcomed point, but it seems fair to mention.

I can imagine that our aspieness can sometimes be overwhelming for a therapist and they feel there's nothing they can really truly do to be of any real help.. and trying is just draining and stressful for them.

I visited my aspiest uncle yesterday.. and most of the time he talks while I listen. It's ok once in a while, but I can't imagine trying to be his therapist. I'm not a trained therapist but I could imagine how people who are would be overwhelmed by his hours long monologues that go off on random tangents forever and never really seem to change or improve - although last night was at least entirely calm vs. any sort of anger or frustration even about family politics stuff.

All that said, exercise and laughter are the best medicines. Add in a little sunshine. You'll get more out of going for a long jog in the sunshine, taking a hot shower, and watching a comedy movie than you will seeing a therapist that's unqualified to really do much of anything for you. IMO. At least they're professional enough to acknowledge their own limitations and not take your money while feeling they cannot do much of anything to help you. Accept that and move on - help yourself with the things we know help everyone: exercise, laughter, healthy food, water, sleep, sunshine.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

There are therapists, and clinics, that specialize in aspergers. I had a therapist recommend one. Sorry that I lost the number and name of the place/doctor that she recommended. And those that specialize are probably better for aspies than the generic therapists who deal with your garden variety NT neurotics.

Your therapist may well be right in saying that you need such a specialist. But she should have done the research and referred you to such a specialist. And then maybe...helped you transition to seeing that specialist (continuing to see you for at least a while while you start with the other), rather than just drop you like a hot potato.

So IMHO she is right about you being better off with an aspie specialist, but messed up in how she executed this.

Thank you all for your replies.

My former therapist did have a recent health problem. She said she was fine and didn't explain, but it could be that she is not well, so that's a fair point.

Also, although I am not someone who monologues and would not be tiresome in that way, I have had such a harrowing year that I am sobbing half the time I see the therapist. I think it took her a long time to take me seriously and to realize it's not something I'm just going to get over with time. In a way it was nice that she was so chill, but I think she just didn't understand the severity of what I have been dealing with. So it's understandable if she doesn't want to deal with it, but on the other hand if all health professionals (mental health and otherwise) just dropped patients that were difficult cases, we would have no health care available for anyone who has a difficult illness to treat. If all your patients have cancer (because you're an oncologist), that must be a drag, so pass them off to someone else.

I agree there's a lot of benefit to getting outside and eating healthy and so on, and that does lift one's spirits temporarily. But I have a serious mental health something (?) that is making my life intolerable, so I can't rely on sunshine and biking. I'm just not sure what I can rely on, though. The mental health professionals I have seen have mostly been awful. But where else can I turn?

I do have a new therapist who is neurodiverse herself and who specializes in neurodiversity. I have seen her 3 times so far. We haven't really connected and I'm not sure what our intended purpose is yet, but I do like her.

I'm really sorry you were dumped by your therapist and given no further options

I'm wondering if something like social prescribing would help you. That's a fairly new thing where the doctor/therapist prescribes some kind of social activity e.g. gardening, arts activities, cookery.

It's where you do something practical with other people in a supportive environment. It distracts you from staying inside your mind going over and over the same thoughts. It is not just a one off occasion, you would commit to six months or whatever so you can benefit from the support and build friendships and skills to make you feel better about yourself.

I watch that show Gardeners World and every week they show people who have found gardening therapeutic, helpful and strengthening. Only yesterday they showed a young woman who had been diagnosed with autism after years of struggling and meltdowns. She said the garden is the one place she can relax and be herself and feel content, instead of masking and getting upset.

It is similar to what Goldfish said above about getting out there into the sunshine and distracting yourself. It's the best season to do so as well, the spring and summer time.

"Sobbing" is...kinda what you're supposed to do...in a therapist's office .

If I can be brutally blunt.

Your therapist was facing an ethical dilemma. You were becoming dependent on her and she was not really addressing your core issue, namely how to cope with all of the pressures in your life.

She was being honest, taking your money and not solving your problems.

I had a similar problem with a therapist who worked with my daughter, In the end she came up with something similar (e.g. autism isn't my thing), She could have just admitted that right at the beginning