Anger issues

Post Reply New Topic

I have a lot of anger issues and I don't know what to do about it besides getting anger management therapy. In the past few days, I've been having anger outbursts. I don't know why. But yesterday, it got to the point where I couldn't handle my anger.

TRIGGER WARNING

Last night, I was told that I couldn't use my phone because well I kind of have a phone addiction like most teens and young adults. In the past few years, I've had the tendency to self-harm at times, yet I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I started self-harming when I was in 7th grade and it got better in 9th grade. Even after all those years, sometimes the tendency to self-harm comes up. Yesterday was one of those days. I took a pair of scissors sitting on the coffee table and poked my arm with it. My dad got super angry, so he grabbed my phone and slapped my back with it. My mom tried to reason with him to stop but he didn't. My dad then went outside and threw my phone right across the road and it broke. Now it's unusable. My dad also sort of threatened me too, although I'm not sure. He did say something along the lines of getting a knife and harming me physically. I'm pretty sure that he might have said that out of anger. I think I took it literally due to my autistic nature. I think I f****d up. Now I'm currently searching for prepaid phones on Amazon as a result. Any advice here?

Call the cops on your dad.

He needs anger management, not you.

I tend to agree with the above post.

When I was young and naive I put up with similar things from my parents and more often, my brother, but in hindsight I could have called the cops on several occasions.

^ Fully agree. You may have your problems but in this situation, it's your father who screwed up big time and needs professional help with anger management. Him and only him.

Do you have somewhere else to go that's safe?

If you do resort to bringing in the law, and you can't be certain that they will step in to keep you safe, then it would be good to have a safe place to stay, at least temporarily.

I was even told by my dad because of my damn phone addiction and issues with negativity, that I'm only allowed to use a flip phone. How is using a phone even relate to having issues with negative emotions and thoughts? I really don't get it.

First of all, it sounds like your dad is abusive to you and used the phone situation to justify his actions. However, there is no excuse for abuse ever. I don't care if he doesn't understand what you are going through, no one deserves to be talked to and treated like that.

I would be concerned that he might treat your mother the same way.
Have you talked to her about what happened?

Issy turns into the hulk when angry.

You've got some tough choices to make, but I agree with the consensus here that your father crossed a line, and there's no excusing what he did.
Your first tough choice will be to decide if you are in further imminent danger, and need to escape the scene immediately, at least temporarily.

If you have no friends or family to take refuge with , are there any women's shelters in your area?

Never seen my dad abuse my mom in any way though. They are usually on good terms.

I'm under an impression that your father is trying to make you the identified patient of the family.
Your father has obvious and very serious anger issues but your first reaction was that you had them. No. You may have your problems but this one is his. Don't accept dumping everyone's problems on you. It's just a lie.

I made up with my dad, but the next time I act out, I don't know what might happen. I was told by my dad that I'm clinging on to unnecessary negativity, negative thoughts and feelings. This isn't what I am trying to do. I don't even act out often. And yet it feels like my dad finds fault in the rarest times that I do act out or how I react to things differently as a result of being autistic.

You have problems that lead you to self harm and instead of getting support from your family, you get threatned and your things are destroyed, and then you're victim-blamed for it.
It's not your fault. It's your dad's fault.

There's nothing wrong with expressing uncomfortable, painful emotions. There's something wrong with reacting to them with agression, which is what your father seems to be doing. Your "clinging on to unnecessary negativity" is probably a perfectly normal reaction to living with an abusive parent who tries to control not just what you do but also what you feel. It's perfectly healthy to be sad when you are unhappy.

I tried to point out that my dad appears controlling and manipulative when he is angry. He says that's how I "perceive it" but it's not reality. There are days when he is good to me and all. He promises now that he'll change but I don't think so. I don't trust him anymore, which is why I hide things from him.

That's textbook gaslighting.
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/cycle-of-abuse/ That's very reasonable.
And confronting him directly is unlikely to achieve anything good.

Can you find allies outside your father's control?