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skrish234
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Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 156
Location: Redmond, Wa

19 Sep 2023, 3:04 pm

magz wrote:
skrish234 wrote:
He says that's how I "perceive it" but it's not reality.
That's textbook gaslighting.
skrish234 wrote:
There are days when he is good to me and all.
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/cycle-of-abuse/
skrish234 wrote:
He promises now that he'll change but I don't think so. I don't trust him anymore, which is why I hide things from him.
That's very reasonable.
And confronting him directly is unlikely to achieve anything good.

Can you find allies outside your father's control?


Not really. Plus I don't get why ya'll are saying my dad is abusive. My dad used to yell at me for making mistakes on my homework or misbehaving, paddled me only 4 or 5 times in my childhood, only hit me lightly. Even though he overreacted, he told me that this stuff was normal. And that if I were to get a new phone I should be happy for the next 5 days. He says it's the same thing as the phrase "Don't worry be happy"



magz
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Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 39
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19 Sep 2023, 3:45 pm

We always believe what we grow in is normal.

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Trying to control your emotions is harmful.
Damaging your things and dumping blame on you is abuse.
Claiming your perception of reality is wrong is gaslighting.
Simply, what you describe is textbook emotional abuse.

It's very bad you have no outside allies. Do you go to school or work?


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skrish234
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 156
Location: Redmond, Wa

19 Sep 2023, 6:43 pm

magz wrote:
We always believe what we grow in is normal.
This board requires you to be registered and logged-in to view hidden content.

Trying to control your emotions is harmful.
Damaging your things and dumping blame on you is abuse.
Claiming your perception of reality is wrong is gaslighting.
Simply, what you describe is textbook emotional abuse.

It's very bad you have no outside allies. Do you go to school or work?


Even though me and my dad reconciled, a part of me is still angry at him. Sometimes if I don't understand something, like as a new driver with a permit, I'm learning parking. When I get frustrated and say something like "I can't do this. I don't want to do this" or "I give up". My dad says "Instead of the 100 times as I planned, I'll have to bump it up to 200 times", even though I'm trying my best. If I forget directions accidentally, such as left and right then my dad gets frustrated. He thinks I am ignoring his directions, when in reality I am trying my best to do what I'm told (in terms of parking).



skrish234
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 29 Nov 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 156
Location: Redmond, Wa

19 Sep 2023, 7:40 pm

I currently have a job that I work 2 days a week. I attend a local university and I go to Taekwondo class twice a week.



magz
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21 Sep 2023, 1:22 am

Hmmm... any friends there?

The way I see it, your dad has so called short fuses - which wouldn't be evil if he took responsibility for it and did not dump all the blame on you.

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I find it worrying that your dad attributes your difficulties to paying not enough attention to him. Like it was all about him - come on, your learning to drive is all about you not him. He's not paying enough attention to your learning process.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.

<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>