Don't feel like an adult among other adults with kids

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chris1989
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24 Oct 2023, 8:15 am

The last two days I went up to Warwickshire with my dad, stepmum and my stepmum's daughter, her husband and their kids and went to visit Cadbury World and Warwick Castle and I had a good time up there but there were times when I felt inadequate because we went to places with lots of other parents and their kids and those feelings of being ''less of an adult'' were sometimes popping up. I felt more like a teenager around my parents and their kids who have kids and I am a few years younger than my stepmum's daughter and her husband. I still had those thoughts of feeling I ''should'' have had kids by now but there is still a part of me that doesn't. Their kids are 11 and 7 and think they both had them in their mid/late 20s and early 30s and were married since 2010 and during my mid/late 20s to early 30s, I have had no kids during that time and have not been in a long term relationship. My sister had her son at 26 and now she is 30 and I again even think she is ''more of an adult'' than me.

There are times when I do find it hard to enjoy things in the 30s because I seem to think that nearly everyone must have kids by now even though I clearly don't know if they have or not and that doesn't just include my sister or my stepmum's daughter and her husband but even the people I went to school and college with. It makes me feel like that stage of life isn't as free or exciting as it was in the 20s.



IsabellaLinton
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24 Oct 2023, 8:17 am

My three kids are in their late 20s and I still don’t feel like an adult.

I feel about 14.

Do the math lol

My kids say they parent me sometimes.


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blitzkrieg
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24 Oct 2023, 8:40 am

There are lots of parents who are childish and lots of people without children who are mature.

Aside from that, if you haven't had a long-term relationship, then you haven't even really had much opportunity to have a kid and so I am not sure why you are regretting something that doesn't seem like it would have happened anyway.


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Last edited by blitzkrieg on 24 Oct 2023, 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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24 Oct 2023, 8:47 am

I don't feel like an adult among other adults - fullstop/period.


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IsabellaLinton
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24 Oct 2023, 9:14 am

I remember a moment when my firstborn was five months old. We'd gone out to buy a bouncy chair thing and it was raining when we came home. I carried him in from the car instead of getting the car seat carrier all wet. I had him in my arms with a little baby rain jacket thing on him and I was trying to open the house door with a key without setting him down.

There was a flash of "OMG I'm actually a parent and I have to open the door to keep my baby dry and safe". I tried to process the fact it was real: I was a parent, and I wasn't just playing House or babysitting.

I've never forgotten that flash because even when I was thinking it, it didn't feel true. Almost 30 years later it still feels like I'm playing House.


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ImagineDragons
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24 Oct 2023, 10:15 am

I still feel like a teenager even with a wife and two children ! !

Don’t think I’ll ever grow up mentally but I’m happy with that



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24 Oct 2023, 1:08 pm

I get treated as a kid by adults half my age even though I would be in a much seniour position in the job.

Think it is because I am not one to talk about the weather and things like that.


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goldfish21
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27 Oct 2023, 12:30 am

Meh, so what? Maybe you're not meant to have kids of your own But you can still be a really good Uncle/role model figure to the kids in your family/social circle. Nothing wrong with that.

I really like it. I spend some time with various God kids/nephews etc here and there, but I don't have any sort of full time parenting commitments and can still work whatever odd hours I want, go to the beach often, ride my motorcycle, go kiteboarding, go to concerts, And have a higher savings rate from a lower income because I don't have kids to feed/clothe/raise.

Make the most of your situation vs. dwelling on what an "ideal perfect situation," might look like. Do what you Can with what you Have. You'll be a lot happier for it.


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