The only thing I need in life is a partner

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I have ME/CFS (also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), which is an illness in which you are constantly exhausted, as if you have been hiking for days in the mountains carrying bags of rocks. If you do something, you feel it the next day (feeling much more exhausted than the baseline, which is already bad), and sometimes for many days and if you've exerted yourself enough even for weeks. It has taken away about 90% of what a healthy person can do. I can't have a job or career, or hobbies, or travel except very little, or go out to events except occasionally. I have an extreme sleep disorder that is probably part of the ME/CFS so I never know when I'll be able to sleep, so it's very hard to be awake at normal times and often have to forgo things because of it.

That's one of my issues. I have ASD which is mild but has made it extremely difficult for me to form friendships or talk to people so I can feel less alone. I also tend to be blunt and people recoil from me as a result. I have a mental health condition which is unspecified but could be depression and anxiety or borderline personality, or something else. Whether it's due to that or to ASD, I am very fragile and fall apart at the slightest setback, especially if there's an emotional component. I'm better now but I used to be quick to anger and it would take over my life for days or weeks when I felt I had suffered an injustice. There are many things I am not able to do, like drive or take care of appointments and many other things.

But I had accepted all of this. I wanted nothing out of life. No accomplishments or accolades, no expertise or skills, no active parts of my life, even no fun, and no riches, no material possessions. I can be without all of that. All of that is fine.

Even having no friends is fine, if I could have the one thing that I want and find it really hard to live without: a partner. Someone who could be with me all the time and with whom we could laugh at stupid jokes and watch TV and drink tea with cookies and just be around the house enjoying each other's company. That is the only thing that I need. I have had that before. But not now. And given all my other difficulties, who would even want to be with me?

I am fine with giving up everything. I only want and need a companion. But I can't have that either.

I hope you find jjst the right man for you and that blessings and peace come your way!

A suggestion on how you might go about finding potential partners while keeping dating-related stresses and exertion to an absolute minimum:

Many local autistic adult support groups and social groups still hold at least some of their meetings online, typically via Zoom or some other video chat platform. Some also do text-based chat, typically via Discord, sometimes via other platforms.

So, even if you don't have the spoons to attend frequent in-person meetings, it might still be a good idea for you to look, on both Meetup.com and Google, for autistic adult support groups and social groups in your local area.

If you are either heterosexual or bisexual, it is highly likely that you will run into some autistic older men who are also seeking a partner, some of whom might not have an issue with their partner being disabled (in ways other than just autism).

Of course, these groups are not dating services, so you should NOT expect to find potential partners quickly, nor should you be too forward about seeking potential partners. That being the case, I do see the following potential issue:

Socializing in groups works well only if you are seeking friends first, and only secondarily a partner. You would need to somehow develop the mindset of valuing platonic friendships, if you don't already value them.

Of course, any friends of yours would need to be understanding of your disabilities and not expect you to put tons of effort into showering them with attention.

Be that as it may, you do an excellent job of making supportive comments to various people here on Wrong Planet. That being the case, it seems to me that you should have relatively little difficulty finding potential friends, and possibly more, in online meetings of a local support group.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 08 Dec 2023, 7:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Addendum to my message above:

But you also wrote:


Are there any specific kinds of TV shows you especially enjoy (and would prefer that your partner enjoy too)? If so, that counts as a hobby.

Also, here, you mentioned "Busying myself with a craft like crocheting" -- that counts as a hobby too.

I mention this because hobbies can have an important role in finding potential friends and partners.