Paranoid and lonely. Need someone to talk to.

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It's 3:27AM and I can't sleep.

I have been waiting by msn for the girls I am obsessing over to sign on, but they arent. I want the phone to ring for me, but it isn't.

I'm frightened and confused. If I move too quickly, they will drop me with passive cues that I will not be able to read. If I move to slowly, they will find someone else. Someone more fun, with more friends, with parties, and a life.

My mind won't stop running with conflicts between optimistic and pessimistic thoughts about the possible constuction of a relationship or friendship with one or more of the girls.

There is no one to talk to. My parents are asleep, and I don't want to wake them. It's not their fault, but they make me feel worse than before I talked to them. So I don't bother trying to explain things to them because they don't understand.

Friends? No. No friends.

What is a friend anyway, nowadays? It seems that I need friends to make friends, or else no one will genuinely want to be with me.

I am suspicious of all my peers. They're all trying to mess with my head for their own sick pleasure. Either that, or the System Virus is controlling them like a puppet-master controls his/her puppets.

I am desparate and sick.

-Justin-

I would try toning down the obsessing part, because that scares people away. Not many people are going to be awake in the middle of the night making phone calls and so forth. Try to reason things out about relationships and try not to latch onto anyone, I know by experience they just shrug you off. Right now I suggest you get something to eat, read a book, and try to get some sleep. Nobody operates off of other's schedules but their own. So when they contact you they will. I have a lady friend who's a manager at McDonald's, she really has a full schedule and we barely write, but a few days a month we hang out and play Scrabble or Chess. Not everything is instantaneous, so please try to be patient.

I saw a girl i have not seen in years, i went to the senior prom with her, she had a BF after that, had a kid, now the BF is an X, moved to another state, is a deadbeat father, and she is all alone, as am I as far as a GF is concerned, i do have friends and family.

She saw me in prom, i was akward, prude, and had a strange way of talking (pressure, over stimulation had an effect)

tonight, was the first time i have had a girl at my place ever (i lived here 2.25 years) we talked, i felt little pressure, was confortable, we watched tv, i did not come on too strong, i was passive.

Im not an expert, but u dont wanna come on too strong, i was gaging her, trying things out, next date (if we have 1) will be more serious, i recomend chillin a bit.

Justin, are you okay? Did you finally get some sleep?

It's awful to lie awake agonising about things that might or might not happen. At those times it's soothing to have someone sit with you, not necessarily for you to explain to them everything that's going through your mind, just someone to be with.

My son sometimes has bad nights when he's too agitated and upset to sleep. When that happens, I put on a DVD, something with a bit of laughter and music in it, and that takes his mind off his troubles. After an hour or two, he's usually calmed down enough that he goes off to sleep afterward without any problem.

Even if your parents don't know all the particulars of what you're going through, maybe one or the other of them would still feel sympathetic enough to sit up with you, and maybe watch a bit of TV or have a cup of tea with you, without a lot of detailed discussion.

It's easier to say it than to do it - I know - but you must try to live life as best you can without expectation. You can't know what other people are thinking, and you can't wish them into a course of action just because that's what you want. You only have control over yourself.

Wish you all the best, hope you feel better soon.

I hope things improve with you soon!

40mg of amphetamine snorted last night. Snorting that s**t a lot.

Rocky Comedown.

I'm much better now.

Thank you for your support.

No more lines. No more.

Rough way to find out how much is too much, glad you're feeling improved!

Stick to diet cola, big guy, much less disruptive on the sleep routines. Maybe a few choc-coated coffee beans when ya wanna live dangerously.

Look after yourself!

Jkrane, have you thought of a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder? I can really identify with being suspicious and nervous aroiund NT peers, like you might either screw up or be treated as if you are, or both. Or that they might screw up with you, or something. If it doesn't work out with those girls, there are girls on here too you know. And I don't have any friends either... acquaintances, yes-- very good acquaintances, but no friends.

yeah, i have social anxiety disorder. I take 10mg of cipralex for that and my obsessions. It sort of works, but it's the most I can take without being drowsy and stoned all day.

I wish there were Aspie girls from WP in Ottawa. I'm trying to pursue a friendship or a relationship with these girls and I don't know my status. Like playing a videogame and not knowing what level you're on or how to advance. Except with this videogame, I can't put it away, unless I use drugs. Sometimes even that doesn't work.

I know how you feel, I take Celexa, the forerunner of Cipralex (20 mg) for depression and that's the most I can take without being drowsy and stoned all day... it works for me but I can't take too much or it'll get me drowsy abnd stoned and THAT will make me depressed! But it does WONDERS for my social anxiety! I almost feel what it's like to be a confident person, lol.

How did you guys go about getting social anxiety medication? WHO did you speak too? Any advice there?