41 yo Male ASD/ADHD, sole supporter of many. How I do it

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I got my official ADHD and ASD diagnosis this past year, but I suspected it. I want to warn you that this contains lots of drug use and abuse stuff so if you want to avoid that keep on going.

I alone financially support a family of 5 kids and a very pregnant wife. I got a PhD at age 30, but I lost most of my 20s to deep depression. I was delivering pizzas at age 23 and had a college degree and debt. At the time I decided to kill myself at age 25 but in a way, that was freeing because if you are going to kill yourself you might as well take out MORE student loan debt, what does it matter?

I had a hard time in grad school with the social stuff. I got good grades but in grad school its vital that professors like you because then you can work with them on your dissertation and also potential publications. I failed at that miserably. I was even told by the graduate department head "I want to put you on academic probation but I can't because your grades are too good."

By then, I had gotten used to that treatment. "We just don't like you" was everywhere. In college I tried to join the army ROTC program but got hazed out. I didn't realized it until the very end and was like, "ah s**t, its happening again." I didn't get it, I did the physical training stuff in the mornings. I went to the classes and the exercises. I'm glad I left it though - although I left it right after 9/11 hah so "I quit the military right after 9/11" won't exactly win me any political office.

In adulthood ADHD has become more an issue. I find it hard to focus at all. It permeates everything I do. When I play a computer game, I can only do it for a little bit before I get bored and quit. I play guitar A LOT but I also mainly practice improv and have a really hard time learning others' music. I can do it, but it just bores me to death.

Anyways, my goal in life for the next few years is to put out an album. Not like "I wanna make it," but just I look back at my 20s and I wrote a long of half songs (damn ADHD) and did record some and maybe like 1 out of 5 had potential.if I just worked on it more. I want to have at least 4 recorded and then plan to pay other musicians to help me make it better and more professional. After that, I plan on just keeping it to myself because the songs I write are deeply personal and I don't want my wife hearing them.

Here are my general "conclusions" about how to handle ASD and ADHD:

1. Exercise is the foundation. Lots of it. Cardio, not strength. You need to find something you can do 5-6 times per week and aim for 45 minutes. I strongly urge a recumbent bike. I used to jog but have lived in areas where its hard to jog and I hate treadmill running. Also, jogging is prone to be more wear and tear.

If you aren't doing this, don't expect to be at your best. I have been obese and I have been fit, then back and forth multiple times. Life is ALWAYS better when you are doing lots of Cardio. Exercise also has the benefit of counteracting some of the negative impacts of alcohol abuse, which ADHD people are very prone to (I am). It also can counteract overeating, which is something I am prone to if I don't drink.

2. Get an espresso maker. Use it. I am lucky because I am remote (for now we will see) and since going remote my productivity and life quality skyrocketed. I am productive because I drink a double shot espresso at 8 am or so, then another at 10 am, after lunch, and at 2:30 or so. I have avoided going on the stimulants the docs want to Rx. Those have a lot stronger side effects.

3. Strongly consider vaping THC/CBD if it is legal in your area. This is life changing to me as well. THC/CBD basically keeps my life together. I don't have emotional outbursts. I need as strong as possible stuff. My performance evaluations at work (when I went in person before covid) went up when I started vaping in the bathroom at work. Simply put, I was skilled and smart enough to do my job well but the social aspect made my bosses want to treat me like everyone else in the past "he's doing the work well enough, but we just don't like him."


If its not legal in your area, I strongly urge you to move to an area where it is.

It is not legal in my area and as a result, I rarely get actual pot. Vapes are everywhere now. They aren't that strong, despite the claims that they are 98% THC or whatever each individual vape puff is really weak compared to strong pot. Without strong pot I have a much stronger desire to drink beer. I drink a lot these days, and wish I didn't. But my desire to drink stops immediately with strong pot. I need like research grade super pot and on the black market you can get that sometimes but more often than not you get weed that wasn't cured properly or crap like that.

4. If you do drink, here is my guide for best practices:
4.1 Drink beer, not liquor. There is the same calories in one shot of vodka as 1 beer.
4.2 Delay drinking as late as possible in the day. The later the better. You will drink less assuming you go to bed at the same time.
4.3 Do not get drunk. For me, a certain number of beers makes me like energized as heck. Don't go past that. If you are hungover, you are doing it wrong. If you have to quit, do it, but keep in mind data show that most alcoholics aren't hopelessly out of control - most are able to become merely "heavy drinkers." I am a heavy drinker.
4.4 The way to check if you are doing it too much is try to sleep without alcohol. If you can't, thats too much.
4.5 Never do drugs or drink just to do them. Always do them and do something else. One reason I don't ever want to quit beer is I play guitar a lot - hours a day. I can't describe what it feels like to have a few beers in you and see your fingers play something and go "damn I am hot tonight!" I can drink beers and play guitar until I collapse from exhaustion, not being drunk.
4.6 IF YOU ARE THE DRINK AND BECOME AN A HOLE TYPE DO NOT DO IT AT ALL. My brother is this guy and my gawd. He drinks and insults people and starts fights. I drink and tell my wife she's pretty and play guitar.

5. Use forums like wrongplanet.net

I have no friends in life other than my wife. Every single potential friend I have had in the past 20 years has more or less backed off pretty quickly. Its not going to change. For it to change I'd have to be someone I am not and how can you be friends with someone if you can't be yourself with them?

This forum, when I read everyone's words - while I don't have the life experience that others have - I can relate to the thought patterns and the utter hopelessness that it can feel. I always feel like I am one bad social moment away from complete life disaster - I feel that way because its true!

Sweet Pea hugs