Constantly Disgusted and Pissed off

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Lately I'm always disgusted by everything and in a way it pisses me off. I'm not naturally an angry person...I like to think of myself as very reasonable. Yet the older I get, the more disgusted I get. I'm so tired of being disappointed in life that I've sort of turned off all wants and in a way it's turned off all my motivation to do anything...so I sleep a lot. It's dangerous because now I always feel this way when I KNOW that I'm not that 'way'. It's giving me a form of bipolar depression. Everything I do is always half empty now.

Yet everyone says it's all what you make of it. I know that all too well but it's just hard when you're always kicked down. You try, kicked down, you try, kicked down. now you're just a freakin' a-hole and on top of it you have AS. So you're just weird and an a-hole because you're disgusted with your position in life. Now you get more disgusted. Then you hate everything and feel as if you could be the worst of you.

I've tried real life friends, I've tried college, I've tried high school, I've tried home school, I've tried personal-interest forums, I've tried religion, and this forum is probably the last string.


Sometimes I just feel so vindictive against everyone, like I hate everyone....I'm not that way though. I look back at what I feel right now and I know I must be really down in the dumps. I just really need somebody or anybody to chat with generally.

I know how you feel. Sometime I just feel like I'm passing the time until I die. I tend to sleep a lot too and I'm starting to think it just makes things worse. I feel like no one likes me most of the time and that everything I do is wrong. The thing that tends to help me is to mentally zoom into the details of life. Instead of thinking about all the things that upset me and bog me down, I try and concentrate on the small things that make me happy: my books, my pets, etc. Looking at the big picture just tends to depress me when I'm in a bad state.

I think a lot of us here have a really hard time with life in general. Sometimes I feel like I'm ignored here, but I think that's just the nature of Asperger's to feel like that. We're naturally isolated from other people, even the ones we want to be close to.

I don't know if that helped or not, maybe it's just me rambling as I tend to do that... Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to. I'm not always that great about writing back right away but I will write back. I'm just kinda in my own little world most of the time.

What about everything makes you so angry?

I hope things improve with you soon!

Yes, I totally identify with this. I think overanalysing things can make it worse too.
I think all the perceived failures and the injustices meted upon us by others can all build up to make us very bitter, even self-pitying people if we allow this.
I don't have any magic answers as I frequently get into this state myself.
Currently I am just trying to focus on doing what I want, and veering away from trying to forge any friendships or trying to fit in and be accepted as it just doesn't work.

I do sometimes wonder if it is just as well we have in depth interests as maybe these are all that are left to provide us solace where we cannot turn to others.

You all seem to understand me so well. Spot17 described it exactly.

Wow, I'm just wow. You all did help, thank you. I just hate feeling alone all the time..it's like there's nobody in this world you can ever rely on but yourself. It's like you just want to throw it all away and say, 'f this'. Yet when you throw all those negative feelings away they just come slowly but surely.

Part of what's making me angry recently is I started college in my hometown again. I catch my teachers staring at me a lot...probably because I'm lazy with showing facial expressions and look monotone most of the time. Then I see this girl I could've been interested in, to find out she's a b--ch. On the first day we all walked around and signed names to some paper to get to know eachother (this is college, not elementry?) and it for some reason ended up in her hands. I asked if she signed it and she seemed really nice, I was like cool. Then I thought about it the enxt day..I looked at the list and she f'in lied to me. Honestly, then two days later I'm getting dirty looks from my English teacher for no reaosn. Maybe she thinks I'm not paying attention? I am, It's just we haven't done any work in that class and my mind shuts off completely when I get bored. Then, that's just college issues...then there's the family problem.

It's just..that, on top of everything else in the past. I'm sick of it all really.

Why can't people just be normal. I feel like I'M the normal one, their just freakin' one-minded and dishonest.

Wait a minute! Are you a new member? I don't think I know you very well!

Where are you from, and could you please tell me a little bit about yourself?

I'm new. I just joined yesterday.

I have a thread in the welcoming forum somewhere.

Hi!

It's nice to meet you!

I hope you feel better soon!

Yeah I know what you mean. Loneliness is what kills me the most, and the fact that its my fault and always will be. I also cant handle loss, and things seem much worse to me than they really are, I wonder if its an aspie trait or is it just me?

I've had that disgusted/pissed off with everything problem too a few times, and it was because my parents at times both had it with me! So I learned to be disgusted and pissed off at them for being disgusted and pissed off at me, and also to be suspicious of others to the point of being disgusted and pissed off at them, because they would probably be disgusted and pissed off at me!