I don't want to be a bitter and unlikable person

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chris1989
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01 Feb 2025, 11:59 am

I seem to think because of the threads I've written, or the messages and posts I used to write on facebook and so on, I'm worried it's going to make people think I'm some unlikable pariah with major issues and don't want anything whatsoever to do with me and I don't want to be that person. I don't believe I have really major issues apart from just being on the mild end of the autism spectrum and some anxiety. The thing it's hard for me not to feel that way because on Facebook people barely speak to me anymore and some people have disappeared and thinking they've blocked me.



funeralxempire
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01 Feb 2025, 1:01 pm

You don't really come off as bitter, at least not on here.

You come off a lot more like Eeyore than bitter or unlikable.


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lostonearth35
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01 Feb 2025, 3:57 pm

If anyone here is bitter and unlikable, it's me.



funeralxempire
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02 Feb 2025, 3:27 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
If anyone here is bitter and unlikable, it's me.


I can't speak for anyone but myself, I don't find you unlikable. If I found you unlikable I wouldn't give a s**t about your tendencies to engage in mental self-harm through catastrophization. If you were unlikable there'd be no reason to become invested or expend energy and effort pushing back against those tendencies.


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The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


autisticelders
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03 Feb 2025, 6:53 am

bitterness and anger can become a self defensive habit. See also rejection sensitive dysphoria for more input.
Look also for trauma in your past as that can set up unhealthy coping habits too.
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I had to be taught how to look for positive stuff in my life. Therapy helped me a lot. after almost 40 years of practice, my attitude is mostly positive. I look for good stuff happening instead of trying to be prepared for everything negative that might happen.
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It actually is something most people can change over time.
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lostonearth35
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03 Feb 2025, 12:31 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
If anyone here is bitter and unlikable, it's me.


I can't speak for anyone but myself, I don't find you unlikable. If I found you unlikable I wouldn't give a s**t about your tendencies to engage in mental self-harm through catastrophization. If you were unlikable there'd be no reason to become invested or expend energy and effort pushing back against those tendencies.


Welp, it looks like all the things I've been castrophisizing about are all coming true or have come true. Pandemics, climate change, war, political greed and stupidity, USA betraying Canada because of Orange Hitler. It's so horrible I can hardly stand it but I'm too chicken to end it all.



babybird
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03 Feb 2025, 1:48 pm

If you don't wanna be bitter then you won't be bitter

I was probably the world's most bitter person during the turn of the century and when I realised how bitter I was then I changed it

You can do that too


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Summer_Twilight
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03 Feb 2025, 4:57 pm

I hate feeling bitter and resentful and it's honestly pretty embarassing. Though I have been trying to let things go, the feelings still here. However, I am doing what I can when I feel them. However, I have heard that it's okay to acknowledge that your feelings are still here.



funeralxempire
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04 Feb 2025, 1:18 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
If anyone here is bitter and unlikable, it's me.


I can't speak for anyone but myself, I don't find you unlikable. If I found you unlikable I wouldn't give a s**t about your tendencies to engage in mental self-harm through catastrophization. If you were unlikable there'd be no reason to become invested or expend energy and effort pushing back against those tendencies.


Welp, it looks like all the things I've been castrophisizing about are all coming true or have come true. Pandemics, climate change, war, political greed and stupidity, USA betraying Canada because of Orange Hitler. It's so horrible I can hardly stand it but I'm too chicken to end it all.


It's a matter of extent.

Yes, a pandemic is possible, but it isn't certain and killing yourself would be a severe over-reaction.
Yes, nuclear war is possible, but it's also highly unlikely and killing yourself would be a severe over-reaction.
Yes, climate change is occurring, but it isn't like we have a few weeks until the earth becomes completely uninhabitable, so killing yourself would be an over-reaction.
Yes, Donald Trump will be a disaster for the US, but he probably isn't going to annex us and even if he tries that doesn't mean he'll succeed, so killing yourself because it could hypothetically happen would be an over-reaction.

With that in mind, I wonder if it's less that you're "too chicken" and more that you know it's a can that can be kicked down the road until things actually look bad, instead of needing to do it right now because catastrophe is imminent?

Regardless, I'm glad that for all the times you say you should kill yourself that you don't actually follow through.

We're not the first cohort of humans to live through interesting times and some of these crises will pass. The world has survived pandemics, the world has come closer to nuclear war than it is today, Canada has survived failed attempts at invasion by the Yanks. The universe isn't deterministic and even if it was, the worst case scenario isn't guaranteed.


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The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


King Kat 1
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06 Feb 2025, 5:45 pm

I have a lot of bitterness and resentment towards people in the past and a couple in the present. I'm a master grudge holder and will only get over it once the Indvidual gets it dealt back to them in spades. I.e Co-worker who I hated got fired.

So, I'm cynical but I still hold out hope



MatchboxVagabond
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06 Feb 2025, 6:26 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I seem to think because of the threads I've written, or the messages and posts I used to write on facebook and so on, I'm worried it's going to make people think I'm some unlikable pariah with major issues and don't want anything whatsoever to do with me and I don't want to be that person. I don't believe I have really major issues apart from just being on the mild end of the autism spectrum and some anxiety. The thing it's hard for me not to feel that way because on Facebook people barely speak to me anymore and some people have disappeared and thinking they've blocked me.

It's worth noting that it takes a lot of positive interactions to have a positive relationship with somebody. It's something on the order of 4 or 5 positive for every one negative.

Which, quite honestly isn't that easy. But, it is doable, at least for the small number of people that really matter. Not everybody needs to like you. Personally, I tend to just focus on being somewhat helpful when I can and try not to actually screw anybody over the rest of the time.



King Kat 1
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07 Feb 2025, 5:10 am

chris1989 wrote:
I seem to think because of the threads I've written, or the messages and posts I used to write on facebook and so on, I'm worried it's going to make people think I'm some unlikable pariah with major issues and don't want anything whatsoever to do with me and I don't want to be that person. I don't believe I have really major issues apart from just being on the mild end of the autism spectrum and some anxiety. The thing it's hard for me not to feel that way because on Facebook people barely speak to me anymore and some people have disappeared and thinking they've blocked me.


So I'm probably going to sound like a A-hole here, but I looked through most of the posts you've made and you're throwing a major pity party for yourself, instead of trying to solve your dilemmas or at least trying to improve things. You can spend the afternoon in s**ty pity city, but you can't live there. Meaning endless posts like this isn't going to fix anything.