Disaster with a mental issue I don't understand about me

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Hi. Allen here. 95% of the time, I'm pretty functional... Although masking gets tiring and has led to many-a meltdown. This recent one wasn't my worst, but it brought up a big question: WHY do I obsess the way I do and get upset over the MOST DUMB THINGS!?

So here's the story: this past week, I left for work from where I stay. I had my sister visiting from out of town, along with her husband. My sister, for all of the years I've known her (she's 11 years older than me, and that's not a typo), has been a BIG "late night" type of person. She's also been someone I've been able to approach with questions and look for understanding on things. One of my "safe" people.

We have a wild history of getting along great, then not. Getting along great again, then not. Very, very long spurts of each, as well.

So, (sorry for side tangents, I also have ADHD) I finish my work at 9:00 at night that night. That's earlier than usual. In all of my years of living, I've never been able to stay up past the time my sister stays up. I thought I would try one night, but she was still going 100 miles a minute at 2 AM.

On my way home (it was a 50 minute drive, which is longer than usual because I was sent that way for extra work), I had a really freaky driving experience. Somebody kept shining their high beam lights at me for a good portion of the drive. I would pull over into any passing lane I could and slow way down, only for them to do the same and stay behind me with bright lights. (I was going 20 MPH under the speed limit and they still wouldn't go around.) Panicked, I found a safe business area to turn into very abruptly, and luckily, they didn't follow me.

"I need to tell my sister about this, it was so freaky..." I KNEW she would be awake and ready to talk. (She has a history of staying up and making a lot of noise to keep me awake, not even slightly caring about the fact she was bullying me with her apathy when I was a child.)

I come home. My grandmother is asleep (it's hit and miss, I don't expect something either way with her), and it's like a morgue. I gently tap on the guest room door and receive a jovial "come in!" from her husband. She's acting groggy and erratic like I've never seen before. (In hindsight, it reminds me of how I got when I would be kept up way past my bedtime, especially by her.) "mmm I'll be out in a second just... I'll be up soon..."

There's me wondering: WHAT is this situation? WHAT IS IT? I've never seen it before, it's weird, I can't explain why it's weird, but I'm uncomfortable. (THAT'S WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND: WHY I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT SOMEBODY BEING EXHAUSTED.)

The situation escalated. She got really mad at me and blamed me for everything. Anytime there's an altercation, it's always my fault. That's her mentality. I was able to get to sleep after I called my mother, because she told me something that gave me peace of mind: "She might be having a personal issue and she may have taken a sleeping pill to help her sleep." OH! A SLEEPING PILL! Okay that makes sense why she's groggy, then!

WHY DO I NEED AN EXPLANATION? WHY WON'T MY BRAIN STOP TORTURING ME WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION!?!? Over something as stupid as somebody being asleep earlier than usual. It's not so bad when someone tells me at an earlier time that "Hey, I'm going to bed. I've had a really hard day and I'm extremely exhausted." When someone takes the time to explain something to me before it happens, I respond and process a whole lot better. Even if it's only 5 or 10 minutes in advance.

It's when there is no prior explanation that I struggle. If someone would have messaged me on the way home, "Hey, I know you are probably expecting to talk to your sister when you get home. She fell asleep a little while ago because of X, Y, and Z, but she will talk to you in the morning." IT WOULD HAVE HAD A DIFFERENT OUTCOME. It's because somebody didn't explain to me that I would see something different and unexpected when I got home. I just wasn't in the head space for that to happen.

I want to get along with her, I do forgive her for agitating me my whole life growing up with her loud TV at night to keep me up to the point of exhaustion... And that's why I'm looking for an answer. Why do I get worked up so badly about somebody going to sleep at a different time? When I see another car in the driveway when I pull up, I switch gears instantly with no problem. "Oh, that's my sister's car. When I walk in, the entire house could be painted pink, or it may look exactly like it did when I left for work." It wouldn't even shake me slightly if the whole house got revamped while I was gone to work. I would come home and immediately acclimate to it. But something as stupid and juvenile as somebody going to bed earlier than usual is enough to trigger a major mental anxiety/panic/psychotic attack... WHY WOULD I REACT THAT WAY? I've even had nights where my grandmother would tell me "I'll probably be up when you get home" and the lights are out when I arrive. It doesn't even make me flinch, because my brain is ready for "she might be up, she might not be," and I adapt either way. She also explained that she tries to sleep when her leg isn't hurting. So, in a way, I'm happy to see her asleep at night, because I know her leg must be feeling better.

I just don't get why certain sleep pattern changes can get me so unhinged!! !! !! ! Am I, like, an idiot or something? I don't like to think of myself as such. I can handle devastating news on my job site and function the rest of the day like nothing ever happened, but one sleep pattern change from someone in my family, and I'm nutso. WHAT CAUSES THAT!? I HATE WHEN I'M LIKE THIS!! ! I need help understanding me... I'll accept any help I can. Thanks...

P.S. I'm hypersocial. I know most aspies are hyposocial, but I'm definitely an exception to the rule. I LOVE being around people, learning through communication. I also love hugs? I'm just along for the journey, k?

Wrlcome to WP btw ,, mods seem to frown on multiple posts of exact same copies.. personally learning how yo use the system can be a pain sometimes..As long as it is not intentional. Mod should understand..
btw Sleep cycles are a precious thing especially for Autistic peeps.. if messed with can increase undesireable symptoms , meltdown s etc. suggest noise cancelling earbuds or headphones. Older peeps can normally get insomniac as cost of experiences of life, etc. It is hard to deal with other peeps more weird sleep cycles.. Normally AdHD peeps can get that to have been told, by a adhd person I know. ..Other peoples stuff can be a concern, thats okay but if it interfers with normal sleep patterns. You might want address it as aggressively as needed. Be as Well as you can .

If it's a big deal, I'd wake the person up. If it's not, I wouldn't. Car following me, flashing headlights, yeah that'd I'd wake someone up for. (It happened to me at 3am or 4am when I was 19 for about 30mins. I was terrified. The lack of 24 hour stores makes it much harder to find someplace with people and well occupied at night nowadays. For 5 mins of that behavior I likely would've just thought "dumb teens" & not needed to "get it out" to someone else immediately.)

That said, if she's there with hubs & they're both napping, I likely would hold my mouth to talk about it until later. Waking up two people is different than waking one. Do I have the right to wake the person who isn't "my person"? If they are understanding, maybe.

It comes down to a prioritization issue, & most of us have some sort of executive dysfunction on top of social cue issues.

Thank you, both of you, for providing input. I just feel excessively different, because it's like somebody's altered sleep pattern causes me extreme anxiety. I don't understand what that stems from.........

Bump. I also have anxiety disorder. That probably doesn't help, does it?