My life is going nowhere

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I completed my Master's degree in Special Education in December 2021. Around that time, the state of Oklahoma decided to implement a new teacher certification process called the PPAT. It replaces the previous single exam with a series of tasks that involves recording myself teaching a lesson and writing 3 tasks explaining my lesson plan, teaching methods, etc. It a serious pain in the rear. It initially costs 300USD, with additional fees for every resubmission. Most people do not pass on the first try. It is extremely difficult and confusing, and I couldn't find anyone who could explain to me how to do it for years. All the teachers I work with got certified using the old method. My plan was to get certified so I can get out of Oklahoma. I wanted to get a teaching job in DoDEA school in Europe. But I've been trapped here because I cannot get certified. My life has been on hold for years without being able to move forward.

I finally found someone who explained to me what to do this year. I took the PPAT, but I was one point short of the passing score. I can pay more money to resubmit, but I still feel lost. I don't know what to do to raise my score. I stare at the screen and my brain just shuts down.

As I said, the obstacle to teaching certification. I've struggled with employment my entire adult, unable to progress. All the time, effort, and student loans I put into my Master's degree is rendered completely useless. I've always followed the rules and did my part; but every time I jump through all the hoops I was told I need to jump, I'm only given another set of hoops. And another. And another. It never f*****g ends and I never get anywhere. And now I'm over 40 and still haven't gotten anywhere in life. And I'm so fed the f**k up with it.

Why isn't a f*****g Master's degree f*****g good enough for anybody?! !!

I'm so sorry you feel that way, Nightwing. That all sounds really frustrating and it really sucks that you were a single point below passing. I feel like that's ridiculous. But, you were also just one point away from passing! Which is really, really good! That's so close! I'm impressed you did so well on a first try. I bet you'd nail it if you tried again.

Did they give you any sort of feedback on what you could do to improve your score one point? Or could you ask them for feedback? I feel like if they didn't give you any feedback then it's just cruel of them not to pass you on one point, but also based on how you described it the entire process seems cruel and unnecessary. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Putting in the dedication to get a masters degree should mean more than some certification.

Oh, right, I forgot you don't like positive messages. 300 each time is extortion, but I wish you luck regardless

I've grown accustomed to people reassuring me things will get better, only for decades to go by without anything ever getting better.

That's really hard. I'm sorry that things have never gotten better for you.

But I also didn't say that things would get better. I said that I believe in you and that I'm rooting for you. I want you to succeed.

I wish I could tell you that things would get better, but I'm not omniscient. I can't tell you that. But I do believe that you can handle whatever might pop up. I know all you see is failure but you've come so far. You've got a master's degree. That takes a whole lot of work and dedication. As far as I've heard there is nothing about becoming a teacher that is easy. One of my roommates in college was an education major specializing in special education. I know how hard she worked, and I can't imagine the workload changed that much in ten years. You've accomplished a lot. It's impressive.

What Oklahoma is doing is unfair to you and all new teachers and it's setting themselves up for failure. They shouldn't be making an impossible, expensive certification when they have a teacher shortage and don't pay their teachers nearly enough. Though I can't think of a state that does pay enough. That's a different topic.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm rooting for you I'm also sorry I keep posting positive things at you when you don't like it. I can't help it. Nightwing is one of my favorite characters so I've got a soft spot for you. I really do hope things get better.