Hello - sorry - I'm new to the forum; I will post a proper introduction soon, but I think this section is what I needed. Sorry if it's wrong.
I was diagnosed at a very young age (I'm 33 now). I've worked very hard since then to string together something like a life. I thought it was going well until about a year ago, but since then its taken a steep downturn.
In 2023, my husband was struggling with depression, so my mother invited us to live out on her farm (seperate building).
By mid 2024, I had a falling out with her and it's severely impacted my ability to go about life.
My mother had recently started dating someone new, which was completely fine (my dad died a while back). But she started saying stuff like: I was making things weird; I was being rude - purposefully not greeting her new bf, or saying things so bad to my mother, the new bf was going to 'step in' (ok I didn't know she didn't know I can't have food touching other food on my plate - I could have handled that better); there was an awkward "air" around. So I tried to remind her I don't even know what an "air" is - I have to try calculate it, which is an enormous pressure for me at "home". I basically ended up locking myself in my cottage for 4 months straight after all this was chucked on me. Prior to this, I'd got along with my mother, so I made the assumption it must be her new bf giving her strange ideas (he'd openly stated he doesn't believe in autism). I mean, didn't she bring me up? Doesn't she already know how I am? So I tried to suggest that to her. (I also may have added some things about how he's clearly not a nice person).
She didn't like that, blamed me for virtually all of the above, and said I just wasn't supporting her new love (????) Then threw me out. This put me and my husband under significant financial strain, but that is slightly besides the point. Like ok, my greetings are a little stilted I've been told, but I try? Surely it didn't justify kicking me out with zero notice.
That was like, the trigger. Since then, all the things I thought I knew how to do has gone out the window, like: keeping in touch with the one or two friends I have; communicating with my husband; not going into full hermit shutdown mode; not being overly touchy and difficult about thing like vegetables touching.
I'm struggling to hold down work, which is understandably frustrating my husband a lot - overall he is doing his best to be supportive though.
I know my mother was wrong about a lot of things, but it's clearly impacted me greatly. I think I'm questioning all the ways I thought I was going about life ok, and now I don't know how to behave.
Before this year, I was OK. My friends mostly called me quirky. Life was survivable and I was happy - confident even.
Lately, I've started writing a novel. I've always wanted to finish one, and because it's (epic dark) fantasy, I can get lost in that world, which is helping. I modelled the main character a little after me so that has also been fun. Hero in my own story >.<
I've never worked as a writer before - it's a pretty competitive field, but what I studied usually requires contact with people and I just can't handle it right now, so I'm trying to do what I can. I also tutor Chemistry on the side - it's one-on-one online, so it's not too bad.
My dogs also help - they wag when I greet them and wag when I don't. (The world wonders why I have 7 of them.
Anyway, that's my story and why I'm here, but it was too much for the general introduction (which I also find scary because I've now come to realise I haven't been greeting people properly, ever). Sorry for the life story dump.
Whatever people would like to respond with: support; advice (other than reuniting with my mother - its not happening anytime soon); whatever is fine.
I guess it would be quite nice to hear some "same" experiences relating to any parts of my story. Would make me feel less different. Ever since my dad died, I'm the only person I know with autism (I have a very small circle).
09 Jul 2025, 4:47 pm
