until december

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i'm derek. i used to like working on the story and event on my game. i'm disabled and alone, estranged since 2015.
after my last failed attempt i started on my own game, 'last fate" as the last thing to try before checking out entirely.
4 years later and i still regret not succeeding before. i used to overdose all the time, but now i have one that is workable and somewhat peaceful, more than typical methods and not messy. still haven't found a programmer, no reverser for the lost stuff from those years; not that it matters as i barely have anything to keep my own self stable (defaults and garnishes of my disability).
i have until december 14th, little less than 4 months to live, but i want to check out now. an hour is long 24 hours is painful, weeks are tiresome, months are unbearable.
my favorite quote is:
"talkin's for wimps. it's time for action."

Many people become addicted to drugs and it destroys them.

I was watching a program on Fox News a few days ago and it described a psychedelic drug called Ibogaine that was being used for PTSD in veterans to heal their condition. The program appeared in the Will Cain show on 14 July 2025. According to the program this psychedelic drug removes the effects of drug addition.

Now I do not know if it works but perhaps by your artificial 14 December 2025 deadline, the result may be set in stone.

Hi Derek, I'm curious as to how you know that you have until December 14th?

Life can be an exhausting, seemingly, never ending experience. What do you still appreciate about life (no matter how small).

i'm not using drugs i never used them in life. nano2 is not a drug, just salt.



the date is real. if by artificial you mean happen sooner, maybe.



i have nano2, shelf life (unopened) is ~3 years he said (got it in 2022). i have my own research done, so it's not something done on impulse. i gave life another 4 years from 2021, putting it off, only to still worsen.



my game that'll never happen.
if i cant work on it there's nothing for me in this place

When you wrote, "i used to overdose all the time", what did you mean?

When you wrote, "i have until december 14th, little less than 4 months to live, but i want to check out now." What do you mean? It sounds like you are talking about suicide? Or perhaps you feel like your life will come to an abrupt end on 14 December of 2025? Or are you discussing something very different?

What do you mean when you refer to nano2? Normally this refers to a chemical.
Sodium nitrite is an inorganic compound with the chemical formula NaNO2. It is a white to slightly yellowish crystalline powder that is very soluble in water and is hygroscopic. From an industrial perspective, it is the most important nitrite salt. It is a precursor to a variety of organic compounds, such as pharmaceuticals, dyes, and pesticides, but it is probably best known as a food additive used in processed meats and (in some countries) in fish products.

You wrote, "i have nano2, shelf life (unopened) is ~3 years he said (got it in 2022). i have my own research done, so it's not something done on impulse. i gave life another 4 years from 2021, putting it off, only to still worsen."

"Shelf life is the length of time that a commodity may be stored without becoming unfit for use, consumption, or sale. But many products are used well beyond their shelf life." Many items will work well beyond their shelf life.

I get you. I could say that at least you have one thing to live for, but that won't be very helpful, I know. Do feel free to send me a DM if you want to talk a bit more private. I do get you.