Worried my mindset will never change

Post Reply New Topic

That's a lie really because I have changed since 18 or 20 as I've held a job for 9 years, earning good money, driving a car and so on but I still feel unlike others don't own my own property, don't have a partner or married etc seem to think everyone else is changed they have those things as well as the things I've got. I still live with parents (mostly with mum because of where I work and stay round dad's when I get the time off work) but I don't feel any urge to rent a flat or something on my own.

I'm also worried because I don't want to end up still alone and everyone else has been paired off. I'm getting more sick and tired of a part of my brain telling me to I "should" be doing this, I "should" be doing that because I'm being over aware of my age and thinking "time is running out" it ends up upsetting me and constantly comparing to others when I know I shouldn't.

Earning good money would allow you to buy a house and attract a partner to start a family.

Why would someone be attracted to me because of money they don't know I have?

They wouldn't unless you offered clues like tipping the wait staff well at a restaurant for good service.

I wear nice clothes at the country club I golf at but when I golf at municipal course it is better to dress more casually though both have dress codes.

Those are all fine accomplishments, Chris. You should be proud of yourself. Working in a bookshop is a noble profession. I’ve always thought so. There are few things I value more than books.
If you don’t really want to get your own flat, there’s nothing wrong with staying with your parents. Many people choose to go that route because it often makes the most sense economically.

I don't think I'd be talking about this stuff if we were a society like in some parts of Europe or Asia such as India where fully grown adults continue to stay as a family whereas it seems in the UK, there is an obsession with buying your own place and still in some way a stigma to still live with parents into adulthood.

Yeah, there’s some stigma in the US, too. It still is fairly common in the UK (and the US) for adults to be living with their parents, though.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cp9xz5n25p0o

Even though I'm into my 30s, I still feel like I've barely changed and when I see some others of the same age or a bit younger than me married and got kids, it seems like they are more mature than I am despite being in the same age group. Since I was a kid and teen, I hated being "treated like a kid" but I seem to feel I still have an "immature" mindset especially when I've expressed my concerns and worries to other people about marriage and kids because I'm comparing myself to my peers because some are at that stage now and I'm feeling like I've got to do what they are doing because I "have" to otherwise I'll fall behind.

But people like my mum have told me "would you want to be having a child right now at this current stage especially as you are not in a relationship and with the mindset you've got?" And a part of me strongly says No but this conflict between wanting and not wanting to never seems to end and I want it to end. I'm sick of feeling the need to "rush life" because being hyper aware of my age when it's just a number and seem to be treating life as though it a tick off list of what you should do at certain ages of life.