Odds are stacked against me

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My life is very difficult. I can't continue like this. I started taking meds again, to feel more relaxed and not be on edge all the time. I can't function, i'm obsessed with past mistakes, bad experiences, things that should never happen. Idk if it has something to do with autism, but I'm tired of overthinking.

I had a brain bleed stroke in my mid 30s and had to learn how to walk again. Took an entire month in a rehab ward.
25 years later I'm retired with a nice retirement portfolio and living all by myself in a 3bdr house with a big yard for growing flowering plants. It was an enormous effort to re-learn everything but I can play above average golf and walk 18 holes!

So I'm no psychiatrist, but have you been evaluated for OCD? I ask because I have OCD and what you're saying sounds familiar. The thing is, the meds really work for OCD but you have to be on the right dose.
You don't always have to feel this way. It can get better.