sister

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Sister (44), inherited the house that I (retail) have been living in, alone, since 2020. Sister (medical doctor) lives 20 miles away, with spouse (electrical engineer) and two children (13 & 9). Sister has been paying the property taxes and utilities. Since 2020, sister has been threatening to sell the house, every time I bothered her. The reasons why I bothered her: the neighbors' dogs kept getting into my backyard and I am afraid of dogs, dryer not working, things like that. So I stopped bothering her. She kept telling me to do things like sweep the driveway, vacuum kitchen floor. And I did.


Today, sister texted me "Can you do a little yardwork every few days? Just pull up some of the weeds and grass to keep things from getting out of control. Its a pain in the butt to get any gardeners to come." "Every few days"? That sounds like a *lot* of work. (time and energy). I've been getting physically weaker, for a long time, and was never that healthy to begin with. Squatting is so exhausting. If I lived in an apartment, I wouldn't have a backyard to worry about altogether.

My sister is cisgender, heterosexual, neurotypical. Emotionally stable. I am autistic and trans and emotionally fragile.

But I don't have any good reason to refuse. I only have one part time job, zero children, zero "friends". I'm afraid that if I do not do what she told me to do, she will sell the house.

exhausted all the time

executive processing disorder

Thinking about it makes me want emotional overeating.

today, finally pulled weeds. dirt kept getting in eyes. squatting exhausting. took about one and a half hours. not that many weeds to pull, but it took a lot of energy to pull them. would not be surprised if back pain tomorrow. emailed sister. she said that i could use a manual lawnmower (about $100 home depot), so i don't have to squat.

in any event, do *not* wanna pull weeds every couple of days, like sister suggested.

It sounds like she was suggesting that if you do a little bit every day, or some days, it will be less exhausting than if you try to do the whole job at once.

tried and failed to clean the goggles from work. dish soap. hand soap. not working. looked up on internet. you have to use a specific cleanser. storeroom. can't find goggles. for some reason, patio table had a pair of swim goggles. could use them for the weedwhacker. good enough, s**t.

the weedwhacker feels so heavy (mass/weight). however, yesterday, plugged it in and it still works. briefly considered wasting $100 on a manual lawnmower from home depot. but i only earn minimum wage. and i don't know when my sister will make me move out the house. when i move out the house, i won't have anywhere to store extra junk such as lawnmowers. manual lawnmowers still need maintenance. besides, do not even know how well the manual lawnmowers work.

wish i had "volunteers" like my former aikido "instructor", kayla b***h. (rolls eyes). for plenty of years, kayla has been in violation of the Fair Labor Standards Act. it is illegal to have "volunteers" @ for profit businesses. kayla's business is "for profit". kayla has had plenty of "volunteers", for many years, for many hours a week. the volunteers do work like WordPress, bookkeeping, fix building, instruction, janitorial. i wish i had "volunteers" too, s**t. (rolls eyes). but annoying lil dips**ts "care" about me so f*****g little. one of kayla's "volunteers", lisi, asked me if i wanted to borrow a "jo" (stick) and i said "yes" and she had the nerve to correct me "yes please". which could only be justified if she corrects "everyone". which i have a hard time imagining. besides, lending me her "jo" did not inconvenience her in any way shape or form. but for her to "volunteer" for kayla b***h every week for a couple of hours, costs time, $$$ and energy.

nobody gives a rat's arse about me except my sister, s**t!

even dena b***h had the nerve to refuse to say "excuse me" instead of "what" or "huh". dena b***h is not one of my *convicted felon* high school dropout, mentally ill coworkers @ home depot. "actions speak louder than words". everyone has "freedom of speech", but not everyone having sex with the boss.

cory was judgmental. judging my intelligence and character and expected me to do whatever he told me to do. (career advise). but he doesn't know the home depot situation. nepotism and s**t. just b/c cory has a masters degree in STEM, doesn't mean he knows more about my degree than i do. and cory's July 2023 email made me realize that that ass hole hasn't even been reading my emails. s**t.

Today my sister came. She and I scrubbed the house. She had the nerve to keep ordering me around: for ex. scrub the mess hall floor. She had the nerve to tell me "if you want to keep living here, live like a human."

I feel like I have zero moral or legal "rights" b/c she owns the house and if she sells it, i will be homeless b/c one minimum wage job doesn't pay enough for room and board. Besides, even that job is unstable and i might get made redundant tomorrow.

After she left, emotional overeating. She brought me Thai food: tofu and string beans in peanut sauce. Delicious. Afraid of gaining weight and getting period. Lost control. Haven't gorged in a long time.

emotional overeating yesterday: today, weighed less than on sunday before the half marathon.

usually, refrain from jogging/walking distances longer than the usual, b/c then i don't now how many more servings to eat. if eat too much, afraid of gaining weight and menstruation. if eat too little, sooner or later will gorge.

nothing i do is good enough.

feel like i've been ready to drop dead for a long time.

but whatever.

some articles claim that the average transsexual lifespan 36 years long. some articles claim that the average autistic's lifespan 36-58 years.

but whatever. quality versus quantity

42 nothing accomplished

exhausted all the time

not going to accomplish anything anyways

but whatever.

today my sister came and gave me my phone.

then she had the nerve to tell me off about the stove, the garbage, and the dishes.

(rolls eyes)
(puke)

i am so embarrassed and ashamed to be financially dependent on my sister at 42. but whatever. "life" goes on and on and on.

she said she's coming on thursday.

and i have to scrub the Pigpen. how annoying.

she used to hardly ever come over.

she said i need to work on my "life skills" and not worry so much about what home depot will do.

I hate getting micromanaged. I feel like I am at work. Ordered around.

But there is nothing I can do about it unless I earn a lot more $$ and that is not happening

My sister had thme nerve to ask me where the naan went, but naan doesn't require refrigeration

My sister tipped the home Depot delivery associates but tips are not allowed. (Termination). Neither delivery associate wore gloves. Gloves required. (Safety violation, final warning)

It sounds like you have your work cut out there with your sister

Good luck with her SUFBUM

my sister came today and just left. she brought her kids. they played in the backyard. she didn't tell me off.

she said she's coming back next week.

whooptie do.

she emailed that she's coming monday.

when she comes sometimes she barks @ me to scrub the Pigpen.

misanthropic skeptical hateful edgy cynical

She came yesterday and didn't have the nerve to micromanage me

On the other hand I wasted way too much time and energy scrubbing the ludderbux and the mess hall

my sister bought me a rainsuit and it came in the mail today. about $25. good enough.

my sister hired gardeners and they came today.

my sister said that she bought a new garbage bin and it's coming next thursday.

i said thank you.

my sister is the least wrong person that i have ever interacted with. she is so correct. nobody's perfect, but she's a lot better than almost everyone i have ever interacted with.