Speech & Learning Difficulties At 19

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I’m 19M and I'm really struggling right now.

I’ve been holding these thoughts to myself for a long time. It has gotten to a point where I can’t keep pretending I'm okay. I’m falling behind in every part of life such as work, uni, relationships and even basic stuff like conversations.

Speech and Learning Difficulties

Since I was a kid I’ve had speech and learning difficulties. One of the biggest problems I face is socialising and it’s not because I’m just “shy.” It’s that I literally don’t know what to say. If someone asks me something I’ll probably give a short answer and that’s it. I can’t continue a conversation because I don’t know how to, and because of that I struggle to make friends. It honestly makes me feel boring to be around.

I also struggle with giving long or detailed answers so if someone asks me a question it takes ages for me to think of a reply. My mind just goes blank. Like once in class our teacher asked why goals are important. I was chosen to answer first and all I could say was “It helps improve our lives.” That was it. I couldn’t expand and I couldn’t explain further. I just sat there in silence while everyone waited. It was so embarrassing.

This is why I find getting a job really hard and it’s not because I’m lazy or don’t want to work. I want to work but with interviews they need decently sized answers and full explanations and I know I’ll struggle. I won’t be able to give enough detail and I’ll end up getting rejected.

Reading is also difficult for me. I can read the words but I don’t understand what I’m reading. I’ll read the same chapter over and over again and still have no idea what’s happening. This has been a problem since primary school. There are times I have to search online just to understand what a book is trying to say. It’s embarrassing because I should have known how to read but I still struggle.

Maths was a nightmare. My mum got a tutor to help me with my GCSE maths but I couldn’t even understand basic topics like rounding. My tutor had to explain the same thing again and again but it just never stuck. I just couldn’t get it and now at university I still have the issue. Sometimes I look at a task and I just don’t understand it but I’m too scared to ask for help. Everyone around me seems to get it, but I don’t want to look like an idiot so I sit there quietly or copy someone near me.

It’s the same with instructions. Someone will tell me to do something and sometimes I’ll have to ask for clarification again and again because I just don’t understand it the first time. Meanwhile other people hear it once and they’re fine.

My general knowledge is also significantly behind. I don’t know how many continents there are. I don’t know my times tables off the top of my head and my mental maths is trash. Even simple stuff that people my age learned years ago, I missed it. I didn’t know what a vowel was until I was like 15. These aren’t complicated things but I never picked them up and now it just feels like I’m incompetent and mentally slow.

School Years

Every single year at Parents Evening from Year 7 to Year 13 my teachers said the same thing “He’s quiet. He needs to speak more. Needs to participate more.” They said that every year but nothing changed. No matter how many times I was told to speak more, I just couldn’t do it and it wasn’t because I didn’t want to, I just physically couldn’t. This is just who I'am as a person.

Another thing is that I’ve never known how to defend myself. If someone insults me, mocks me or bullies me I freeze. My mind goes blank and I don’t have the words to fight back. I just sit there and take it and what scares me is thinking about the future. Like, what if I have a girlfriend and someone disrespects her? I wouldn’t know what to say or how to protect her and if I can’t defend myself how am I supposed to defend the people I love?

I also know that my debating and communication skills are way below average. I go on TikTok lives and see people my age 18 or 19 debating about politics or religion. They are able to speak fast, think clearly and they don’t freeze. If I was in their place I’d fall apart and I’d stutter and embarrass myself. I just don’t have those quick thinking skills that everyone has.

Flatmates & Current Struggles

Socialising with my flatmates is genuinely draining. I have to force myself to hang out with them because I don’t want to seem antisocial or weird but every time we’re all in the kitchen drinking, talking, playing games like Uno or Truth or Dare I feel completely out of place. I don’t know how to play those games. I should’ve learned them a long time ago. But I didn’t, because I never had friends to play those games with in the first place.

Sometimes they’ll talk about stuff or make jokes and I won’t understand and everyone laughs and I’ll laugh too just to fit in. Sometimes I have to fake my reaction. I pretend to get the joke because if I don’t I’m scared they’ll think I’m uninterested. I’m constantly pretending to understand the jokes just so I won’t be seen as different.

Exact Words From Psychologists & Speech Therapists

I recently obtained a document that shows observations from professionals regarding my difficulties. It's a really long document but I have gathered exact words that they have said about me. Keep in mind these documents were written from 2010 to 2018. Hopefully these give you some context of my difficulties.

“Expressive and receptive language skills are severely delayed.”

“Tends to be unresponsive to adult questions and rarely uses full sentences without support.”

“Use of language and social interaction are minimal.”

“Avoids or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained effort and concentration such as writing a name.”

“Currently presenting with interaction as the primary need.”

“Stood alone in the playground, not engaged with any play activities that were happening around.”

“He was extremely reluctant to communicate verbally and at times responded by non-verbal things such as nodding, shaking head.”

“He requires a high degree of differentiation and individual support in order to participate in classroom activities.”

“Attention and listening skills remain delayed; needed frequent prompting to look and listen.”

“Understanding of a range of grammatical structures within sentences is profoundly delayed.”

“Requires adult prompts to label verbs, as he automatically labels the noun in pictures.”

“He hasn’t learnt the routines and he is not engaging.”

“He tends to be socially shy but engages and cooperates non-verbally well.”

“Functioning at a level below that of most peers in the curriculum.”

Question

I’m going to get an autism assessment but the main thing I want to know is can I actually improve to the point where I’m on the same level as a neurotypical person? Not just with speech and socialising but with learning too ?

I know I was born with these difficulties and I can’t remove them but I know I can improve. So if I keep forcing myself into social situations and if I keep talking even when it’s uncomfortable and if I keep practicing and pushing myself even when it’s hard can I actually catch up? Can I improve to the point where I’m not behind anymore?

That’s what I really want to know. Not if it’ll be easy. Just if it’s possible.

Yes you can.

You made it here and your post clearly shows you have potential to learn and socialize.

I would suggest finding a special interest that isn't weird. Something that can be used for socializing with others.
Golfing, gardening, cooking, and buying clothes are my special interests that I can talk about.

Practice talking to people. Talk to cashier at the store. They have name tags. Say their name. Try to think of something nice to say while you are waiting in line. Maybe you like they way they did their hair. Or their clothes.
Doesn't have to be important. But you need to train your brain to be able to talk to other people.

I had a stroke when I was 35. I was in the hospital for a month learning how to walk and talk again.
I learned how to do stuff all over again for years, much like a young kid learns how to do stuff. I built flying models and chased them across farm fields as an adult!

At 55 I was learning to walk in high heels to improve my balance. Yes, twenty years later I was still learning!
It took months but I learned how to swing a golf club! It was really awkward at first but I stuck with it.
After four years I can play golf! Walking the course for 18 holes and not riding in a cart.
I haven't learned how to drive a golf cart.