Needs

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Originally posted at T*A*S*C

*****

"I'd like to talk a little bit about needs.

I was in a more formal therapy group once facilitated by a counseling
psychologist. This was long before I ever heard about AS. Once, the
discussion ran dry and the facilitator asked people to talk about
their needs. I'd like to suggest that we do likewise. I think we
should talk about our needs both in general from the world at large
and in particular from this group.

I find that what I need from the world is little more than
understanding. I need understanding about things like: I don't always
understand; I am often misunderstood; I really am very naïve about
some things, things that you might find difficult to believe that
anyone could possibly be so naïve about.

Historically, a lack of understanding about these things on the part
of others has caused me the most difficulty in the work environment.
As a result I have, until recently, changed jobs every year or two.
Now when I start a new job, I cultivate a good relationship with my
new supervisor. After 3 or 4 months, I talk to them about my AS, what
they can expect, and what they can do to help. It helps that I work
at an academic library, with intelligent, well-educated people who
are always interested in learning about something new and interesting.

I came to the T*A*S*C support group looking for, well, a support
group. I'm not so interested in the social or activist aspects of
T*A*S*C. I think those are important and worthy things, they're just
not what I feel I need. I need a support group. I need the
opportunity to share my experience, to tell my story, with a like
minded group of people, or even with just an individual. Telling
one's story can be very therapeutic. It's great to be able to share
my experiences with ya'll and find that you don't think that there's
anything unusual about those experiences. Also, I don't have to
explain in great detail. You get me. It's very nice.

So what about you? What do need from the world or from life in
general? What do you need from this group in particular? What's your
story? Please, share."

*****

So what do you need from the world in general? What do you need from WP in particular? Please, share.

i need people to listen to what i say and not being restricted by arrogance and prejudice. and i need the world to understand that i dotn give a (censored) about social norms. i am me, take me or leave me alone. i wont give away my individuality in order to gain succes.
accept it.











i also would like some cake............

I want people to know that when I come across as rude or disrespectful, it is typically not meant to be like that. I want them to give me a bit of space there and be forgiving. I don't want them to adapt their whole world and just accept me as I am - I am open to them helping me and I want to improve. I do need them to understand that it is hard, though, and that I mean them no ill harm, that I am humble and respectful and if I do not behave in that way, it is ok for them to correct me, but rather in a gentle manner than thinking I need to be disciplined.

I would also like them to give me space when they see a meltdown coming on. And their understanding that certain environments can escalate these. I don't need them to think I am emotionally immature and "throwing a tantrum" - that really is degrading and humiliating. I need them to see it as a part of me that I need to deal with, every now and again, and that I can't always predict when it is going to happen, and some help from their side spotting it and helping me to get some space, solitude and recovery time would really help a lot.

I never want to be seen as a disabled person and I believe my special needs are equal to other people's special needs, except theirs are not "special" because all NT's have them (sorry for generalising, but I mean things like chit-chat, hanging out, being cool etc).

Uhm... no, that was just a wishlist. Nobody (at work) knows I have Asperger's. D-day sharing this with my boss is next week. Ask me again then

Yes, she is a qualified psychologist that ended up in the corporate world and qualified as a coach last year - so she's also coaching me (she kind of noticed that I need a bit of help...)

I've never noticed that what I need has any significance.

There was a saying when I was in the army. Anytime somebody said they needed something, the automatic response was, "People in hell need icewater."

CW, long time no see. Yes, in childhood many of us are told, "If you need it, we'll provide it. No need to ask." So we go through life thinking that others will anticipate and meet our needs.

We all have needs, and when those needs are not met, we fail to thrive. It is highly dysfunctional (co-dependent) to think that others will read our minds and know what we need. Of course the first step is for us to identify our needs, and that can be very challenging. When I was young, nobody ever expressed any interest in my opinion, even about things like, "What do you want?" It took me a long time to learn to form opinions, even about what I wanted. Even now, it sometimes takes me a long time to understand how I feel about something, to form an opinion about it.

Yeah, been a while. I been wandering the wilderness and more recently doing farm work and living alone in the mountains. Kind of a sage lifestyle without the wisdom part.

What I need, I ain't gonna get, except for air, water, and for the time being, food.

There be some blue eyed kids, but that don't make no never mind. Forces of evil too powerful.