Obviously still a child inside...

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I thought I was getting to a stage where I was hard to break down but... well I seem to be wrong.
If anyone thinks some of the things I've posted sound arrogant before or anything of the sort well... I've been going through a phase. I'd like to believe I'm not arrogant, and I certainly don't truly feel I'm better than others... perhaps because I seem to have big mood swings I don't get the chance to adapt to either side well, because then I'll change moods quickly...

I mean... I've been pretty confident but - recently I had a stupid thing come up like an argument... just over 2 days ago now - me and my older brother and his girlfriend have somewhat a history of me being argumentative... we all seem to like football one way or the other too... I support Olympique Lyonnais, sorta because they're different and I like to be a rebel.
We've had many arguments before and I feel they underrate Lyon... but who doesn't? imo lol
And those 3 days ago I talked about how Cacapa, recently a Lyon starter, then active sub, and is now a Newcastle player, would probably logically speaking be a Newcastle starter as he was a good Lyon sub... I mean - Lyon are of a higher class than Newcastle it's obvious... but they never seem to rate Lyon... and neither do international managers lol...

Another annoying thing is this - I have a history for being argumentative in my family, but since I've grown more confidence and things I've been trying to stop all arguments which seem to be me who gets in the way... they never seem to argue between themselves at all, my family...
So I made a little comment like "You'd think Cacapa would be a Newcastle starter I mean you know... Lyon are better than Newcastle" and my older brother's girlfriend was like, not saying to me, which is very annoying, "I don't want an argument, I don't want an argument".

Well I was furious - it seemed to me that people hadn't detected any good changes in me. I snapped and yelled ferociously at her and my older brother really... she left the room in tears, and as did my other 2 brothers - both older than me too... my mum and dad came on the scene... oh god... it was really traumatizing... my dad really laid it in... I was eventually reduced to tears as well... I had a conversation with my mum and things... I wasn't happy at all and no one was...

But I do feel neglected sometimes and discriminated against... and it annoys me when I talk a lot about things I like when people either tell me to shhh, or get annoyed or whatever...

I kinda feel now that I relate to the Lyon thing as myself... it felt like a knock on me like it often seems to...
Yesterday, as it now is for 39 minutes lol I went to College and things... got another assignment... urgh... it wasn't too bad but still stressful and things. I had a headache and a painful eye after 3 days ago... seems to have cured now but the eye still hurts a bit...

When my mum picked me up, I was furious with her again sorta but not to the extent I was before. I've felt traumatized sorta... thankfully yesterday I saw the psychiatrist and psychologist, although because I'm 18 it unfortunately means I no longer have access to the facilities.

I also feel a big on-going battle which is what I perceive... but I think I might be deluding myself there...
I feel like people are against me and will try to tread on me... I've become more confrontational and aggressive... but that aggressiveness became out of control.

I'm very paranoid I guess...
I'm sorry that was so long... thanks if you could bear with me lol and I understand and don't mind if you didn't.

I'm sorry if that's like... stupid, irrational, confusing... and such things.

I think I can relate. You take strong interest on the things you love. And if someone said their opinion about it, you get fusterated and feel that it's an insult. I'm the same with my interests, I feel like shouting down on them because they don't like them as much as you do. I'm also a member of some message boards where people talk about the same interests as I do. Maybe that will make you feel better. And when it comes to watching the things that you like, just watch it by yourself. And if you only had 1 television in the house hold. Then get a VCR, tape the game and watch it later when no one is around. Or get yourself a tv with cable in your room.

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Thank You and have a nice day,

_Eric