yep. in fact I jsut sent this to my bf's dad the other day to explain why I was crying and not telling him why when he asked me and not elaborating more than saying "I'm just messed up myself" even after he responded to my "nothing" with 'people don't cry over nothing." If had been anyone else, with the exception of my boyfriend. I probably would have been reluctant to even say the "Nothing" and I most certainly would not have said i was messed up. My bf and I have an agreement that If I ever get mad at him again he'll hand me a pen/paper (his computer is broken at the moment)
(I realize this is a bit jumbled, but hey i was writing it at 3 am)
Quote:
You’ll probably find this hard to believe but I usually don’t cry in front of anyone, ever. Actually out of all the times I’ve cried in the past two years, there was probably only once that wasn’t in a conversation with you.
It upsets me to see how loving a parent you are because that emphasizes to me what I don’t have and will never have. I’ve lived in the same town for 5 years but yet I doubt my dad even knows what town it is. The way you talk with me is a relatively new experience for me as well. For the most part, I’m not used to people making sure they hear every word that I’m saying and understand what I’m saying as well. I’ll graduate this spring but no one will be there to see me do so. Sure my mom and a couple others would come if I told them, but they were there for my undergraduate graduation, and if it weren’t for a group of complete strangers I would have been the only to receive my diploma without any applause at all. I’m better off without my mom in my life anyway. It hurts me to have no one who I can absolutely rely on to be there for me and to give advice to me. That’s why I was crying last time. Your question made me think about that, and it had already been bothering me that day.
Sometimes when I talk with you, sad feelings are brought up in me about things I didn’t even know I was ever the least bit bothered about, all relating back to the no “real” parents thing. I guess it’s a case of you don’t know what you’re missing until you see just what it is. While you and your wife are the kind of parents I’d strive to be, should I ever become a parent, I don’t think I ever truly believed parents like you existed until I met you.
As I told you recently, I like you, and I enjoy talking to you. But its hard for me to talk when I’m crying because…well I don’t know why. I just don’t cry in front of people and if I’m talking when I’m crying than its obvious that I’m crying. If there is a reason for why I’m not comfortable with that, I’ve long forgotten it. There’s something different about you. I feel a sort of connection with you that enables me to tell you things I wouldn’t be comfortable telling others. Maybe its because I see us as being a lot alike in many ways.