Depressed and lost all will to live

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I hate complaining but I just felt like I had to write down all my problems for once, it´s a long post so don´t read unless you really want to hear about my life.

I´ve felt like nothing´s been working out for a few years now. I just can´t get anything done. It hasn´t been like this always, people even used to call me smart when I was a kid. I didn´t even mind not having friends back then. I´ve only had one good friend after third grade, he´s pretty much the only one I can talk to openly. Howerer, even he´s just ignored me lately. Sure, he talks to me on MSN sometimes but he only talks about what he´s been doing. If I try to mention something about myself, he just says something bad about me or just ignores me and keeps talking about stuff that he cares about.

I used to be really good at school too, I did almost everything perfectly in there but the last five years or so have been pure **** in there. I´ve only barely made it through every class, I´m bullied there every day and I can´t get good results in tests even if I try to. I´ve tried ignoring the bullying but it´s really hard sometimes when you have to through it all the time. I have no idea what happened to me. I´ve just felt really weak and dumb for many years now. My self-esteem´s been gone for a long time too, it´s hard just to talk anything to anyone in real life or even on the internet. I used to talk to people online just fine, it even felt natural. Now I haven´t talked to anyone on IM or posted on forums for a bit over a year. Every time I try to, I just start thinking about all that´s wrong in what I´m typing, is it natural or am I just talking just plain **** like I sometimes do. I have no idea why but sometimes I completely miss the point on what people are talking about and just answer something really weird and feel embarassed afterwards. Now people just use it against me, even my teacher´s been saying stuff like "never mind him, he never has any idea what´s happening."

For all my life I´ve always felt more female than male. Sometimes I´ve tried to act casual, like a normal teenage boy would but it just seems fake. So, usually I´m just a femine and shy kid that just sits in the corner doing nothing. I don´t like it, it makes me miss the 3-5 grades. That was the best time of my life, all the kids in my class accepted me and I even got a few friends. I was still weird but I could talk to other kids and be more open. After that, I´ve only been on really bad classes where everybody seems to be annoying.

I´ve been really depressed for a few months now and it´s gotten to the point that I just feel terrible all the time, can barely sleep at night and don´t feel like doing anything. I even attempted suicide some time ago, it didn´t work. A man pulled me down right before I managed to jump and convinced me not to do it. I´m not sure if it was good, if I would´ve died back then I would´ve been saved from lots of **** I´ve had to go through. It´s just... What´s the point in living if I can´t do anything well, can´t talk to anyone, ain´t interested in anything and can barely get through every day? Nobody really cares for me anyway, the few people I know couldn´t give a damn about what´s going on in my life and propably wouldn´t care at all if I died. I´ve felt so lonely and depressed lately that I´ve even started talking to myself. Yes, I know that´s crazy and sad but it makes me feel better. At this rate, I´ll propably go completely crazy at some point.

I have no idea what I´m going to do after I pass school next year. My grades are propably too bad to go into any school and even if I could, I´d be too shy to go there. My parents have said that they´re not going to let me live at home for many years after I´ve turned 18. There´s no way I´m going to get any kind of an apartment without a job then so I don´t know how I could live then...

I think about all this stuff every day and honestly, I´m starting to have enough of this terrible life. I just can´t take it anymore and I have no idea what to do. I´m too shy to talk to anyone about any of this and it looks like I´m not solving it by myself either.

Im pretty much the most hopeless person on Earth, but getting addicted to WP is one of the best things thats happened to me. I met a few friends and even a girlfriend.. Maybe you can do the same? We are all generally very supportive around here.. Glad you stopped by, hopefully you will stay

Electroshock therapy is really damn good. It worked miracles for me.

f**k that s**t. We arent lab rats.

Electroshock isn't quite the same as french-kissing a car battery.

It sounds like depression, all right. Make sure you get your diploma. Do as well as you can for now. If you go to college, you'll find the students there are more flexible than in high school. I post on another board where someone was successful in the Air Force. They don't seem to require the socialization and "fitting in" that the Army wants. I'm speaking second-hand on that. If your state has a vocational rehabilitation department they may be able to help you find options that work for getting you a job or some schooling/training after high school. Also talk to your guidance counselor for after-grad ideas.

What do your parents say about being bullied?

Don't listen to the naysayers. ECT is more effective than antidepressants and you'll feel the effects immediately. You won't lose memories, you won't lose brain function; it's safe, easy and effective.

Not only is it not logical but is also not ethical/humane. Its a scam, there are no positive outcome from it and the doctors administering the "therapy" get extra cash in their pockets. For all we know you are one of them.
Dont even get me started with the "pure oxygenation" therapy crap.

I've been there(depressed, I mean...). I feel pretty low a lot of the time, but I have a few people who support me, and I haven't killed myself yet (even though I think about suicide a lot). So, I must be doing a few things right.

I don't know how old the TS is, but some people tell me that their 20's was a rough period in their life, and they were much happier and comfortable with themselves as they got older. I hope this happens to me.

Awww *hugs*
Im sure things will pick up soon, I have felt like that sometimes that i just dont want to be here anymore but it quickly passes. You must like something just concentrate on that and your studies. Things will pick up! as people say there is always a light at the end of the tunnel through darkness into light.
If you ever want to talk just PM me
TAKE CARE
Sophie

Sounds a lot like I was like. Though I'm years older and I still have the depression. So it sounds a lot like I AM like, but years later. I'd recommend going to see someone about it before you get like I am now. Counselling doesn't work for me, but I'm trying out antidepressants. Just try talking to a professional. They'll know what to do.

That's all very well, but you have to be moving to reach that light, otherwise you're just stuck in the middle, with nothing but the echoes of your screams to keep you company. But on the plus side, you can strut around nude and no one can see you, so the dark's not all bad I guess. I've been stuck in that tunnel for years now, I dunno if I'm stuck, or if it's just a very long tunnel, either way I want to find my way out. They should put an information kiosk down here, think of the money they'd make by selling maps and flashlights.

Ive felt depressed from 15 to 22 years old (Im 25 now). My parents never knew I was suffering badly during all those years, and at age 22 I finally admitted I was in severe depression. My parents were very supportive, more than I could have imagined. I quit school, I quit my job, and I went to a mental institute for 2 weeks. I received medication, stayed at home doing things I liked, and my condition eventually got better after 6 months or so. I still have problems getting along with people, but Im working on that and I enjoy most of my days.

You have to know that you're in no way responsible for the problems you're facing, and constently trying to find what you're doing wrong is not the thing to do as of now, as it might only exhaust you more and more. My best advice is to get rid of your current depressive state, and do it as quick as possible. Ask for help, and you might receive more than you expected. Do things you enjoy and dont feel guilty thinking there's something elso you should do. Basically take a pause from the chaotic life that led you to such a painful condition.

Eventually you'll feel better, and your thought will regain its keen and astute way to function. You will then most likely have a better insight about your issues, how they were caused, and what you can do to avoid being trapped in such a situation again. At this point a psychologist or social worker might prove to be of great help.

Hope I have helped. All the best.

Paint your light bulbs lght or bright blue; see if that helps. And PM me if you want!

1. It's done with your consent so I don't see how you could argue it's not ethical.
2. There are positive outcomes; the numbers are a lot higher than any antidepression meds.
3. What's wrong with doctors getting paid for procedures?
4. I'm a patient not a doctor.
5. I didn't even mention pure oxygenation therapy.