College angst...don't know what to do

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Today my craft of fiction class was horrible.

The teacher turned on annoying ass music and I plugged my ears with my pinkies. He said with complete apathy, "Is that really necessary?"

I replied, "I get annoyed by music I dispise."

He turned it down slightly, but not really, showing that he really didn't give a s**t if it bothered me or not. He wasn't appologetic, wasn't kind about it. There wasn't even a real reason for the music to be on in the first place. He didn't even seem to take into account that I was trying to be selfless, by simply plugging my ears instead of asking him to turn off the music, since he was clearly enjoying it.

A minute later he asked if any of us listened to music when we wrote, and what kinds. People raised hands and said their genres. When I said mine he interrupted me, saying, "We get the point." I'd said more genres than anyone else, true, but I'd said them all quickly, and hadn't taken up any more time than the other people. Plus, when he asked me to stop, I did. (This is important for later.)

At one point we were discussing how "great" the plot for a story was. I raised my hand and explained something I didn't like about the plot, how it didn't work for me--particularly the ending. He asked the class how many other people agreed with me. Two or three other hands. "I envy all of you," I said, but it felt like he was trying to turn the class against me.

Then one person said, "I disagree with Jonathan because--"

"Jonny," I corrected. I'd had to correct people about the name like five times now in this class.

"Sorry, I disagree with Jon because--"

"Jonny!" I said again. It was rude, and I didn't like interrupting her, but she'd been rude to me for getting my name wrong even right after hearing it. Anyway, she continued on, and that was okay. I don't mind being disagreed with. I just don't like my name getting wrong.

So then we had a break and the teacher asked me to see him. He proceeded to rant about how I was disrupting the class, reminded me repeatedly that he had 34 other students and that the class wasn't all about me (in other words told me a lot of s**t I already knew); got on my ass for listing too many music genres (even though I was answering a question he asked, even though I hadn't taken up more time than anyone else, even though I had stopped when he'd told me to); said I was acting like an immature child (and saying this in a high pitched voice that showed how angry he was); lectured me about the bit with me correcting the woman about my name; and then accused me of trying to get attention, saying that if I did this sort of thing again he'd point to the door and expect me to leave the class because he couldn't deal with it. He was totally making a scene, which made all that he was talking about seem really hypocritical. It was only after a long, emotional spiel that he finally allowed me to get a word in edgewise. Most of what I wanted to say I didn't get the chance to say because he kept interrupting me, making judgements about me and my intentions over and over even when I insisted that that wasn't what I was trying to do. I didn't understand how he could think I was wanting attention. If I wanted attention I would do something to impress people...did he really think I was stupid enough to think that I would get attention by being negative? He called me a "contrarian" (a word he uses excessively), which was stupid because I never intentionally disagree with people. I just happen to have a lot of uncommon opinions. He also kept telling me to not "expect" various things.

For example he said, "You can't expect every story we read to click with you."

I said, "I don't. But I don't like any of these stories."

"But this is Pushcart! If you don't like any of these stories, you should get help."

This statement alone was unprofessional and self-righteous as f**k, and it really pissed me off. But I didn't argue with it. I just said, "And what kind of help should I get?"

"I don't know, just some kind of help."

Okay, it's bad enough to tell someone they need "help" for disagreeing with you about ART (since the beauty of art is that it's all about opinion rather than matter-of-fact), but to not even give them a suggestion as to how to fix their supposed "problem" is just ridiculous. So, basically, I have a mental problem because I disagreed with him. Brilliant!

I said, "You always say, it's just your opinion, it doesn't matter. It's the same with me. It's just my meaningless opinion. I'm entitled to them too."

At one point I did say that I had been disrupting the class, and that I was sorry for it, but in my defense I wasn't trying to get attention and that I hadn't known I was being disruptive. He then accused me of wanting an arguement. I said I didn't want an arguement. He said, "Here's what's happening," holding up two hands. "You want an arguement!" he said with one hand. "No I don't!" he said with the other hand. "You want an arguement!" he said with one hand. "No I don't!" he said with the other hand. "You want an arguement!" he said with one hand. "No I don't!" he said with the other hand. He repeated this a few more times in the most annoying way possible. He could have just said, "By saying you don't want an arguement you're arguing," but nooo.

"But that puts me in a catch-22," I said. "What am I supposed to do, lie and say that I do want an arguement?"

He then told me that the class was starting in a dangerous tone that implied that I had to sit down. I'd come up to appologize and this was his response? The f****r had been so disrespectful to me it wasn't even funny. How would he like it if I judged him, put words in his mouth, blasted his ears with music he hated and got on his case for not liking it, asked what music he did like then got on his case for anwering, repeatedly got his name wrong even after he'd correct me multiple times, generally showed that I had no interest in being kind or understanding or showing him any respect at all? I was so f*****g angry the whole rest of the day. Could barely focus. It was sickening to listen to him for the next hour. This is a teacher whose niece HAS asperger's, so you'd think he'd be a little more understanding about it....

If I'd been doing any of what he'd accused me, I would have admitted it. I admit that I am too negative, that I sometimes disrupt the flow of the class (however unintentionally), that I can be rude. But I won't admit what's not true.

I feel like telling him, "You just want your judgements of me to be true because you've made up your mind about me. You don't like me and you want more reasons to not like me, and you want to interpret anything I do to be something dispicable somehow." Then I'd pause, and say, "There. See how that feels?"

I can't drop the class because I'd just have to take it over again since it's required for my major, and because then I'd no longer be a full-time student, not having enough classes. It's too late to register for other classes and I couldn't anyway because so many classes are full.

I don't know what to do. I hate this teacher. I hate this school's creative department. I hate this school. I hate this general area. But I don't know where to go.

Hmmm, a problematic student, eh??

We have ways of straightening yer kind out, laddie...

"If ya don't eat yer meat, ya can't have any pudding, how can ya have any pudding if ya don't eat yer meat."

Cue music: "We don't need no education ...."

I'm going to be honest, I stopped reading half-way. Reason? Your professor sounds like an ass. He may be the first you've come across during college...he won't be the last.

He also seems really impressed with himself as a professor. Great, good for him...

If you can, just try to make it through the class. Don't view it as a real class, where disagreement and discussion are encouraged. Just view it as an obstacle course, get through it with as few bumps as you can.

Just remember, no matter how ridiculous it is, no matter how ridiculous some of his comments and claims are, he's the boss. He gives you your grade, and decides your fate. Is that BS? Yes, yes it is. That doesn't change anything.

His "get help" comment? If you feel like you have the motivation for it, lodge a complaint against him. It could be a risk, as he might try going after you if it comes back to him, but it is completely unprofessional of him to say such a thing to a student.

You said it, Prof. The laddie reckons himself a poet...

Seriously, though...if you don't need the class credential wise, either drop it and teach yourself...I have a problem with art classes beyond technical issues as it is...but try to stick it out the best you can, if you need the class to get your degree. I say this against my will, as someone contemplating going back to school after years of bucking the system. You're only going to get so far without one; the romantic days of going it alone are vanishing, every employer wants that damn piece of paper, worthless as it is...but don't lie, of course. Just do what they ask, if they ask your opinion, politely disagree. You don't have to elaborate in a hostile environment. But universities are so corrupted, just get out as fast as you can!

Ha, I just looked at your myspace. I go there. I hate that school too. Just do what you can to pass and get by and out. That's what I'm trying to do.

Wow, that really sucks. Sadly, from what I hear, professors can flunk you just because they hate you, so I would try to be a kiss-ass and just let it at him after final grades have been completed.
Or just don't talk at all....if he thinks you're so disruptive just don't say anything, and if he tells you to talk more just say "make up your mind, jackass."
Maybe key his car

If you can stand it, I would suggest finishing out this semester and then transfering to a different school. Schools and colleges are remarkably different about this sort of thing.

A different school will give you different students and different teachers who may be more open minded. Before you chose your next school find out what graduates of the school you are looking at say about it. Then you will get a feel if it is for you or not.

My son just dropped a poly sci class because of a pompous professor (and I'm sure my son has the feeling he would teach the class differently, etc..). Yes, he will have to take the class over again, but he will find a different teacher who hopefully won't be as offensive. They can't all be this obnoxious, can they?

I agree with the other posts -- at this point, unless you drop the class and retake it later, the only other alternative is to sit in class, and say nothing at all. Yes, this prof is really a pain in the rear, but you will have to deal with pain-in-the-rear people in your future. Learn how to deal with this one successfully, and you will have really received an education!

Kris

All art classess suck, get over it. And you WAS trying to have an argument with him. Just ignore ret*ds like that, they tend to infect you with their retardation.

((UPDATED with cleaner version.))

Today I went to get my withdrawal paper signed by my craft of fiction teacher. I just wanted him to sign it, but he was interested in having a "discussion," especially after noticing that I had 3 sheets of paper stapled to the back of the withdrawal form--my reasons for withdrawing. He said that he didn't agree with the reasons (before he'd even read them) and so he couldn't sign the forum. I told him that it didn't say he had to agree with my reasons, just that he had to agree to let me withdrawal, but he disregarded this.

Then he started basically sucking up to me*, telling me that I was smart and that I had been getting such good grades and that I was passionate about writing, and saying that he just thought that some of what I'd said was disruptive to the class environment, but he didn't have any personal problems with me, that he wanted me to improve my writing, and--
"BS," I said. "You've been nothing but disrespectful to me."

He said that he hadn't, that he'd been "nothing but empathetic with me" from the start, while praising his social skills and saying that he was "very good with communication."

"BS!" I said again. "It's empathetic to tell your students that they quote-unquote 'need help' for not liking the stories?"

"That's not what I said," he said, "that's your interpretation of what I said."

"Those were your exact words!" I yelled. "I specifically remember them because they pissed me off so much. You said, 'If you don't like the pushcart stories, I think you need help.' And then I even went with it and said, 'Ok, what kind of help do I need?' And you told me, 'I don't know, I just think you need help.'"

He said, "Well, I do think you need help, I need help, we all need help...everyone in the world needs help." (So in other words instead of apologizing for saying that or saying, "I shouldn't have said it, I didn't mean it," he instead just tried to make it seem like he hadn't said it at all.)

He seemed like he was trying to keep his calm, even though I was yelling at him, even though my hands were shaking from frustration. This almost made it worse because it just seemed even more like he didn't care what I had to say or how I felt things were. He tried going back to the complimenting, but this time it was skewed. He said, "You know a lot about writing, but I know a lot more about writing," as though this meant he was entitled to be disrepsectful--really it just made him even worse in my eye, because it showed that he was arrogant about his knowledge. He also uttered the word "contrarian" and the phrase "35 other students" another few times, told me that he wouldn't get in trouble just because I'd written bad things about him in the pages I'd stapled, and insisted that he was being kind and empathetic to me. I told him to stop telling me that and instead show it, to which he replied that he did not take orders from students in his office. So I asked him to show his empathy by reading the paper I'd attached with an open mind, try to understand things from my perspective. He ignored the fact that I'd asked and once again told me that he didn't take orders from students in his office, and then said that he might read it if I asked--even though I had just asked. So I asked him again, and he said, "You see? Simple!" and then I said, "Yeah that's why I did it the first time."

So he read a few sentences and asked if he could reply to it point by point. I shrugged, but before I could give a real answer he replied to the part about him turning on the music at the beginning. He had absolutely nothing to say to defend himself; his reply was a mess of "your interpretation" and "35 other students" again as though all the students would not be able to learn without the music, as though I'd asked him to turn it off when I specifically hadn't and was trying to be considerate and LESS selfish by covering my ears, as though the fact that sensory defensiveness was a part of my disability and he'd breached its boundries didn't matter. The fact that he kept bringing up the "35 other students" was particularly silly considering that we were alone in the room, and I was not even in the class anymore.

I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall by this point, and I think it showed. He said he could see that I was very frustrated but he would not admit any guilt. I told him that I felt that he had disrespected me, and he said that he had not. I told him that I couldn't believe he wasn't going to take any blame or apologize at all, and he said, "I'm sorry that you're angry about your interpretation of what I said." I thought I was going to explode.

He told me that I couldn't expect everything in life to go my way. I replied, "You don't need to tell me that, I hate everything about my life." He said "I'm very sorry to hear that," and I said, "BS!"

With tears in my voice I told him, "I'm the one with the disability preventing me from having empathy, but I still put myself in your shoes and apologized to you! I admitted that I had disrupted the class and had been rude! I admitted it even though I hadn't realized I'd been rude at the time, and I tried to get you to understand--"

He said, "And I accepted your apology."

And I said, "No you didn't! You accused me of trying to start an arguement!"

What followed more or less repeated a lot of what was above, with him completely refusing to admit his hypocracy. It seemed that he thought if he told me that I was being disrespectful even though I felt I wasn't, it was my fault; but if I felt disrespected by something he said that he didn't feel was disrespectful, then he was not at fault because it's just my interpretation.

"This is like Freud defense mechanisms!" I said. He was denying everything and it infuriated me.

Eventually I did blow up, having a total meltdown. My voice cracked and I screeched out, "f**k YOU (name withheld)! f**k YOU YOU f*****g PRICK!" He told me then that it was time I left his office or he'd call security. I calmed down rather quickly by my standards and said, "I'm sorry." He said that he accepted my apology and that he would contact his superiors about what to do about the form, since he didn't agree with my reasoning (even though he still hadn't read it). He also told me that he'd already withdrawn me from the class and that the forms were a more "formal" approach to it, he didn't know if it even mattered or not. I repeated that I was sorry and told him to read it with an open mind. To his credit he still had calm composure even when I exploded, but again, that almost made it feel worse.

Not long after I didn't feel ashamed for flipping out and telling him, "f**k you." I think I could have handled it better, but he doesn't deserve my apologies or my respect, not until he stops saying he's showing me the same and actually DOES show me the same. Does he really think that he isn't to blame for anything? Does he really think that telling me that he wasn't disrespectful to me, when I clearly feel so disrespected, is a way to get through to me? Is he such a hypocrite that he can say that what I feel is disrespectful doesn't matter, but if I don't know something is disrespectful but someone else feels it is it DOES matter? Is he so absentminded that he can really think that he's been nothing but respectful to me and that the things he did and said WEREN'T disrespectful? I'm the one with Asperger's, I'm the one who has empathy issues, but I was still able to put myself in his shoes and apologize to him. He can't do that for me and he doesn't have any social disability, except his unflinching confidence in his own social ability.

*I talked about this with my parents after. My dad wants to write somebody a letter to get the teacher reprimanded. My mom thinks that he's afraid--he KNOWS he stepped out of line, that he could get in trouble because he disrespected me based on my disability even though it says in his syllabus that he will try to make his class as accessible to people with disabilities as possible. (Teachers are required to have this in their syllabi.) So in other words all the complimenting was to butter me up in the hopes that I'd like him and wouldn't say anything to any authorities. Git. He'd shown clearly that he DID have personal problems with me in his blow up earlier in the month. Had he seen the error in his ways and admitted that he'd been wrong, that would be one thing; but he was doing no such thing. He was pretending that this had always been his position, which meant he was trying to smooth it out without taking any blame for what he'd said and done.

That sucks that you had to withdraw so late in the semester. Have you been to the Disability Resource Center? I don't know what they would be able to do at this point, but I believe they do handle complaints.