What a s%#@ day at work that was! My boss humiliated me 3x

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The background (the path to self-enlightenment): A couple of weeks ago, my boss pulled me in and complained that certain people were having issues with my behaviour. Yes, I said. I can be annoying and/or obsessive and it's unfortunate that I am required to manage staff. I've reached the level I have at my relatively young age because I am good at mastering technical detail in arcane areas of Government. I explained to him that unfortunately, I have no experience in accounting and therefore having me manage an audit program was not the best idea (although he had no say in the matter). He agrees to reduce my management load a bit by passing most of the day to day people management to one of the others in my team; I'm happy except the person is on leave until 22 October.

Recognising that my behaviour was a bit abnormal, I went off and researched what this "extreme male brain" was he mentioned. Ah, AS! And here's a test that says I get 41 out of 50, when 32 is a strong sign. Probably an Aspie - it makes sense.

I also acknowledged that I knew nothing of the subject and pulled 50+ hour weeks to try and catch up on a process that was already behind schedule (I'd been dropped into it a week before it was due to start, knowing nothing about it).

Monday (the good news): Finally got to the counsellor in the counselling service provided by work. After a long discussion in which I raised the prospect that I may have AS as well as explaining my work woes, he agreed that it "probably is the case" that I'm an Aspie and is getting me back in three weeks, hopefully with a referral to a diagnostician.

And moving on to today (one of the shittest days I've had in a long time): It didn't start too badly - I was doing the analysis of the more complex financial statements that my position requires. This is good - minimal interaction with the earthlings. However, when it came time for the sub-team meeting (the team I'm supposed to be managing), it all went pear shaped.

I started chairing the meeting and was running through the progress I'd made before passing over to another team member for him to comment on his progress. The meeting got waylaid for about ten minutes talking about an important issue, before my boss cut in and announced that the other team member whom he envisaged doing more of the management would henceforth chair the meeting (humiliation #1). Eh? was my reaction, especially given the issue that was being discussed was important. I kept discussing the matter with some of my colleagues for a little while, while also suggesting that another person who was unsure of some matters raise it with the group so

After lunch, my boss calls me into a meeting room and says I was being a "disruptive" and "demoralising" presence in the meeting. I would also not be allowed to go to the next sub-team meeting to "ensure that [the other person] could establish his authority" which he was apparently unable to do (I never knew he was supposed to be in charge of this meeting. (humiliation #2) What! I'm supposed to be managing this team and the process. I need to know what's going on, at least from time to time.

Finally, just before I'm about to head home, he sends me an email repeating all of this, presumably to start a paper trail to make it easier to take action against me (humiliation #3).

I of course protested these actions in a reply, also adding that his actions in the meeting probably led to the mess the meeting became (it didn't help that he was laughing and joking with some of the staff while I was trying to run the meeting).

But still, I feel belittled by his actions. I have been totally honest with him, especially after he'd pointed me in the direction of AS, and in return I'm being treated like a child who is being sent to his room because he can't behave with the grown-ups.

He knows (and has seen) that I'm not really good managing other people and he (and I) want me out of this role, but I don't want to be treated like freaking a five year old while I'm being managed out of the role.

This makes me really mad to hear and I would find it hard to deal with!
Is there another manager that you can approach to put your point of view and get this person in line?
If you can clearly, calmly and briefly state the situation, how you feel about it and what you want to happen in an email to all those involved then that covers you.
It is really difficult once you are labelled as 'the problem' and even the boss's behaviour encourages disrespect for you. He should have spoken to you before the meeting about changing who chaired or waited until after the meeting to talk to you, his behaviour is totally wrong in an civilised situation and I would question whether he has adequate management skills!
I hope things go better in the future.
*virtual hug*

*Hugs from Sid*

I dont have any advice about this situation.I think a DX might be helpful for you,as far as understanding yourself and perhaps offering you some legal security?There is a web-site you might find interesting by someone with aspergers in management...............


http://www.aspergermanagement.com/


One thing to consider is that when your manager mentioned that you might have AS...it does not mean he is necesarily being more understanding,supportive or tolerant.It is just as likely that he was pointing out to you,that he sees you as "defective" and not capable of doing your job....no empathy involved or required for his accesment,just an observation of some of your traits.This may be a bit subtle???but I think we sometimes project what we would "mean" if we were to say something like this to someone....ie,"I think you may have a "difference",that you can not help that makes doing somethings more difficult and I am willing to except this about you and try and make the environment more condussive to your particular traits,to make life easier on you"....Just because we think/feel this way about individuals with "disabilitites/differences",does not mean that all people do.Does that make any sense?

Thanks for your support folks.

Krex, I agree about a DX, and I'm working towards getting one. Unlike most jobs, getting a DX in the public service is probably beneficial, because they do make a lot of noise about having a diverse workforce, treating disabled folks well and the like (I also have mild CP, which means I give off an obvious appearance of being disabled). The big problem is it will take upwards of a month before I get a piece of paper to stick under people's noses.

I do think he's got the knives out for me and he's offered to give me a reference (it's one of the paradoxes of the job market that to get rid of me, he will have to give me a good reference). The frustrating thing is that there's a heck of a lot of work round our area that I'd be excellent at, but I'm not getting to do it. As I've explained to him on several occasions, I can justify my existence at this level, just not in this role. However, until I'm moved sideways, I have to do my current job to the best of my abilities and he's preventing me in this.

alexbeetle, I'll have to think long and hard before I approach his boss (even though this person knows me) or other managers. My main problem is that I've been in the role for six weeks and therefore don't want to be seen to be throwing a tantrum this early on in the piece.

Off to work again soon. F%$@, f%$@, f%$@...

eek, that boss is totally awful, i think u should follow your companies dispute resolution procedure, (whatever it is) which would involve u having a chat with the head manager.
U deserve better treatment.
*hugs from me*

Thanks tweety_fan.

Not quite sure I want to bump it up the line (don't want to be seen as a troublemaker - well, just yet anyway). I think I will lay low until I see the work counsellor in 2.5 weeks and start the DX process.

Anyway, nothing like a big glass of red wine to mellow out.

Dilbert to the rescue:


Your boss seems more concerned with people realizing that he's the boss than he is that work gets done. If someone is going to chair a meeting...they're usually viewed as the person in charge, company power structures aside. He shouldn't be standing over you and treating you like a child, and that he would chastise you for "taking too much time" on an important issue, then turn around and joke with people, that's ridiculous. His need for validation was the real disruption.

That has more to do with his ability (or inability) to adequately fulfill his role in things than it does with anything on your end, AS or otherwise.