Meltdown over change of schedule

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I totally lost it today because my husband changed my schedule today without telling me. It made me so mad I had a screaming fit. I need to stop doing that. Help me! I need to stop this!

OMGOSH, I totally know how u feel, my boyfriend has done this to me several times, where I just flipped out, and had the worst meltdowns, I had to sit him down and tell him if u want me to stay alive and not die from a massive heart attack due to meltdowns haha, then u gotta understand DO NOT CHANGE SCHEDULES OR ROUTINES haha, hes gotten a lot better, thankfully !

Luckily when I was little my parents always had a life where most of the times their would be a routine, mom stayed at home with the kids, my father worked and so day to day life was pretty consistent. On weekens however that changed, my parents always liked enjoying time off from the norm (as do most ppl) and so we always would go out, drive to the mall, have dinner out, go out and do whatever. I always HATED this, but got me to basicly build a bit of tolerance to change.

Of course 1 could argue it was not too much of a scedual change cause I always knew on weekends to be prepaired to go out to random places.

Anyways, their were a few times in life (as in anybody's again really) that things come up, plans change and transition needs to occure quickly. This started really occuring during the teen years with friends as many kids that age seem to wing it, or not have established plans or goals, so over the years i became more tolerant of change, and while even today I need everything to be meticulously planned and change in plan always causes me much stress, I also can chill out quite a bit, realize its life and by not freaking out but basicly transitioning very quickly and even going thru scinarios in my mind to be able to anticipate when we arrive at this new unplanned place, or deal with these unplanned for ppl, or whatever. I got used to it at an early age so now as an adult I can handel these situations decently.

I used to be more tolerant. Then, I had an autistic son who needs a much more rigid schedule and it got that going in me again. I remember why I loved having everything exactly planned. I felt safe and comfortable and knew exactly what to expect. I am more relaxed on weekends. I have every minute of weekdays planned and all I asked was make sure you and the kids are ready to go when I get home. He had 3 hours to do that! I get home, the kids aren't dressed and he hasn't even showered yet. It threw my schedule by almost an hour! I was furious! He could not really understand why I was so angry. I actually felt fear and anxiety from it. I can't explain that feeling. I get that feeling when riding in a car as well. I don't like to lose control but things like that and I completely freak out, especially from my husband because he should know better! He has had extensive training on autism and asperger's due to the fact our two girls and I are asperger's and our son is autistic. He is completely understanding with the kid's schedules but not mine. I get so upset! I had to take most of the evening to recover because that was one of those meltdowns that was a whole bunch of "letting it go" from earlier in the day and I lost it!

iS a meltdown kind of like a tantrum ?
I went to the supermarket today - i had a sensory overload.

I think a meltdown describes an emotional crisis... although I don't know because everyone's meltdowns on this site seem to be different...
And yes I certainly know what you mean lol I hate changes in schedule - they take me by surprise and my mind just sometimes struggles like mad to adapt.

I had a schedule-related meltdown back in August. My aunt came to visit from Texas for the first time in 12 years. She's developed some problems related to a car accident and things have gone severely downhill. The visit was important. Anyhow they all came up and we had a dinner planned at a restaurant (about 45 minutes from me). Great. I knew in advance, and had everything planned. At the last minute, my mother changed her plans (as she often does) and I lost it. It meant 30 additional minutes of driving with a 1 and 3 year old in the car, each way. The whole thing had me so out of sorts that I ended up not going at all, and I never got to see my aunt. I spent the next two hours in meltdown mode. I'm still pissed at my mother for that.

It takes me a lot to get that pissed anymore. Had my parents realized it was a meltdown, and not just a "bad temper", perhaps they would strongly consider having both of themselves checked out (as BOTH of them have meltdown-like symptoms, yet both of them deny Asperger's even exists).

I've gotten to the point minor things don't bother me, or even big things (like being stranded out in the woods with a broken-down car). What still drives me to primal rage, however, is anything big that happens because someone else was STUPID, and decided not to perform the duty expected from a typical citizen given due care (aka, negligence or gross negligence).

(ie, reading off serial numbers for a battery over the phone, and expecting me to know what type of battery it is WITHOUT A MODEL NUMBER, and then when I find out it's a AA and I sell them a different brand or one with a different serial number, they shout "That's not the right battery! I want my money back!")

All you have to do is learn not to get pissed at stupid, simple things. The way to avoid this is to understand what kind of mistakes or instances are "normal" in a world of blithering idiots.

Have no advice, only other ways of saying same thing (which I try to explain to my boyfriend, about causes of my distress):
I get upset at changes in routine (or plans, my idea of what's expected to happen next) for more than one reason. Part is that I may be really unhappy about what the change is. Other part is that it's a change (whether or not it's preferable alternative)-which throws my internalized schedule & sense of 'mental balance' out of whack. Takes me quite awhile to recover from disappointed expectations, just feel all disregulated & out-of-sorts.

Example: An appt. being cancelled (or delayed & I need to reschedule). I'd mentally prepared myself for doing this thing at that time, so it disrupts my whole surrounding time-frame to have appt. time/date changed. Even if it's relief to not have appt. (if it's something I don't want to do but need to do), I'm not happy about the change because it's unexpected/startling/anticlimactic.

I arrange my life around the pre-sets I'm aware of, and last-minute changes totally mess up whole structure that I've laid out for myself (in terms of what I'm going to do when). Tasks & errands aren't randomly shuffle-able for me, I have good reasons for why I do things in particular order-it's only way I can stand or manage to get these things done.

Don't like even 'pleasant' surprises, generally-I ask people who think that such a thing would cheer me up to instead warn me of a surprise, if they're the ones inflicting it upon me (assuming they know about it ahead of time).

Uh.......your husband changed your schedule.......can't you just say no?

Honest, I'm not making fun of you.

My kid still has that problem.....but he's learning not to take a schedule change as a world altering event.

Best help I can offer: Find out what it is in your background that makes a schedule change so threatening. I can understand the "without telling me" part, but is it your schedule he changed, or his? and did it stop you from going to work, or make you miss a bus, or screw up in any way? If not, you're both adults.

Change threatens EVERYONE. I don't know why. But one thing is sure. Change is inevitable. You'll do your nerves and his a world of good if you can stop, somehow, and not scream, and not tear yourself up inside. Just go with it.

Hope that helps.
Probably not.
BTDT

Listen to Enya and breathe slowly. 'Works for me.