Losing motivation to live

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I have no idea what has caused my lack of motivation to live.

Everyday I sleep, and every night I stay up online looking at websites that sell caskets, funeral gowns etc.
No, I am not suicidal, but I can't help to think of my own funeral and what it would be like if I were dead. I wonder if people would actually notice if I were gone.

I have not been outside in literally three weeks. I have shut myself in my bedroom and isolated myself from people and even my pets, which is VERY unusual for me as they are the ones I feel most closest to.
My skin has lost it's colour, I have lost a vast amount of muscle mass from doing near to no physical activity and I have been completely lacking in personal hygeine.
I can't motivate myself to do anything anymore. Not even to walk to the end of my drive way to take the rubbish bin out for rubbish collection.

For the past three weeks, I have not felt like myself. For the first two weeks I was having random emotionally and violent outbursts and now I am completely lethargic and can't comprehend what I am feeling.

I have no idea what is wrong with me. My life is becoming pointless and I am becoming totally emotionless.
What is wrong with me? Advice?

((((((((((((((((((((((Brittany)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It sounds as if you are having a depressive episode. I am sorry you are going through a rough time... have you been to your doctor and told him/her how you are feeling?

Did you know there is an organisation, AutismNZ, i am wondering if they could be of help to you, they have counsellors and people who can advocate for aspergers people, and they even have an adult asperger group from what I have read... I will PM you the links....

I am sorry, I hope you feel better soon..

C
~

((((((((((((((((((((((zen_mistress)))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you for your reply.

Hmm it could be depression since about 4-5 months ago I went off my anti-depressants against my doctors will. They were giving nasty side effects and I was sick of feeling like a zombie. Now I feel even more of a zombie...so I guess I should speak to my doctor about this.

Yes I did know about AutismNZ and I am in contact (via email) with somebody from there. I was going to attend the adult aspergers group but because I am only just old enough to attend (16) I thought that I would be the youngest there and decided not to go because being the youngest at places makes me uncomfortable and feel inferior.
I am going to attend social skills training though in a few weeks with other teens with AS.

I just received those links, thank you.

It is strange how depression kind of creeps up on you, and takes away your energy and motivation.

I think your doctor will be able to help you, maybe he/she will discuss the different options for medication. Not every anti-depressant is suitable for everyone and some people find they have to change them until they find one that is suitable with few or no side effects. (This happened to me)

If you could get outside even for a short time during the day, it might help. Sunlight does help to fight depression, something to do with the production of brain chemicals, seratonin, I think.

I do hope you feel better soon Brittany.

Maybe what you needed was to double your dosage. That worked for me when I had a similar problem (among others) and went off the Celexa because I thought it stopped working.


You can PM me whenever you feel lonely or jsut want to talk. I would notice if you stopped posting here.


I used to look at pictures of mortuaries, morgues and corpses, autopsies, embalming arooms and all that. It was oddly stimulating.

Britanny - you have a diagnosis - there is so much help available for you - it is just a matter of knowing how to access this help.
My feeling is that you are having a depressive episode, you need some sunshine, I live in New Zealand and unfortunately the sun isn't shining at my place today. Please feel very free to PM me - I am happy to chat and to help you.
I have a new kitten - she is so timid and scared, she feels safe at the moment sitting on my lap - but she is playing and scatching me as I type. Take care - you need some help and with this you can begin to feel better. The intruding, unwanted thoughts about death - and your low mood are related to chemical imbalances.
Feel free to pm.

Please listen to some happy/ cheerful/ uplifting music - it works ! !!

Am I the only one noticing this is like a seasonal thing. Me, you and a few other people seem to be simultaneously getting more than we can handle. The only comfort I get is from knowing I'm not the only one feeling down right now. Though minor, it's comfort nonetheless.

I hope you feel better soon.

That sounds like clinical depression. You should probably see a mental health professional. I hope you feel better!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and advice.

I will take it all in and use it.

find something that you really want to accomplish in your life, something to live for, something that gives you the feeling that the world is better when you are on the earth. Anti depressants are the easy way, they may let you feel better, but will not give you your motivation back. Fighting for your dream is the difficult way, but the more fulfilling way at the end.
i hope you feel better soon, nothing is easy, and certainly fighting for your dream can be difficult (in my experiences)

I've felt like that recently. I thought about just not eating and letting myself fall into a diabetic coma and die.

I have felt like this as well.

Tim