My future is not looking decent...

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Ok, so I dropped out of high-school officially at the age of 15...which was last year. School just was not the right environment for me. I am regretting dropping out though.
I have been to several other courses, to only end up achieving a level 1 certificate in employment skills when I had the opportunity to earn more qualifications.
I tried starting at a new school at the beggining of this year, it lasted for one day. I came home, had a meltdown and refused to go back...it was too overwhelming. I can't stick at anything, I seem to just give up when things get too hard.

I mean, I applied for a job, when I got an interview I freaked out and couldn't attend.
I have done voluntary work before, that went well until one day, I just gave up like usual. I am depressed. My life is going in the opposite direction that it should be.

I'm not doing anything now but sitting at home online all day (literally). I can't do anything right, I am a failure, a loser, I am no good for society as I do not provide anything.
If I don't kill myself...my future is not looking good. I will probably be on some kind of benefit for the rest of my life and having no successful relationships.

Basically...I am useless.

If you read all of this without thinking "how pathetic" then thankyou. If you think I am pathetic...then you're right and I am not going to abuse you for thinking so.

Sorry...this rant has no point...I just needed to get this out.

You're only 16, anything could happen in your future.

don't close the door on the possibilities of serendipity. . .

Serendipity follows us Aspies, we seem to be in the right place at the right time to find that perfect place that works for us. Nothing lasts forever, not the bad times, not the good times. Things get different all the time.

Merle

Hey Brit,

I have to say I find myself at a similar impasse. The difference is my trouble is college and my shelter is WoW and media downloading lol. I agree, saying school is not the right environment for us aspies is like saying alcohol is not the right drink for alcoholics...just a joke. Anyway the point is, these days we don't really have much choice unfortunately. I don't really have any background as to why you have made the choices you have, but lack of motivation and/or fear of failure may be culprits. One thing to remember is mistakes abound in our walk of life, heck they rain from the skies, travel in packs, and hit us whether we're up or down (just hurts more when we're down). You know this; you grow from it, especially the big mistakes.

It's hard, especially at your age in school, but it really does get better. The problem is you're gonna miss all the good if you don't get back to school. I think the best lessons I've learned are from mistakes in social situations. As for relationships, they'll come too. Don't judge your ability to hold a meaningful relationship until you have one; that means beyond highschool. Highschoolers have enough trouble grasping their own emotions, let alone the emotional needs of their partners. I'm 21, and I didn't even have a real relationship until I was 19, so believe me you're not alone. My advice is stay away from controlling partners. It's been my experience that out of some need for structure and order, I guess, we cling to those that can provide it. These relationships are often unhealthy, if not abusive or just plain annoying : ).

By the way, I agree with the serendipity thing above, so ya got that goin for ya ; ). And a little "trick of the trade"... Coffee mmm coffee. Give ya some pep in your step.

Surround yourself with those that bring you happiness, and encourage you to better yourself.

Be careful when placing blame or finding faults in others (as we all have them)

In school, concentrate not necessarily on listening, but finding some interest in, if not applicability of the topics discussed. Listening and comprehension will follow.

Don't eat the yellow snow.

And get back to school! : )

"It's like my motha always said, two tears in a bucket, ..."

- Ozzy

Are there any correspondence high schools in NZ so that you could get your degree from home? Here in the US there are a number of accredited correspondence high schools that will award a diploma. Short of that there is a GED program where you pretty much just have to pass a test to get the equivalent of a high school diploma. If you are online all the time anyway, why not study online? You can be an autodidact.

I bear the stresses of college, as it's crucial to my own future. Some people aren't so academic, and well, I think perhaps you should do what you're good at. Good luck for the future.

I don't see why you can't simply go back to school or get a GED. School is not a good environment for you. So? I hated it. Most people hate school; I doubt if it's not a good environment for anybody. You're only sixteen, you have a chance to pull things back together before they get worse.

Do you have any adults at all in your life, in whom you can trust? Or are you having to figure this all out on your own?

It's the input problem, we want it, need it, but what they are selling does not fit.

High school has to be the worst. More social than educational.

Many have said, life at the University was much better.

Self education is the way. Something interests you, learn about it. It is not the subject as much as training the brain to do as you want. Ape brains are lazy.

School systems all over are about the same, GED, other tests, Eighth Grade, C-, you pass.

Passing school and getting an education are different. A Degree in Computer Science will not teach you to fix them.

Nothing works for the brain like learning. It does not matter what. Becoming an expert in one video game is still reaching expert level.

We are a hungry lot, if it were not for obsessions, feeding on some rarely needed knowledge, I would not get my fix.

When I do not have input or output going, I feel dead. Doing nothing, being passive, is not good.

I think you have had a taste of that. Something interests you, learn about it.

Yes, that is the subject I mean, whatever comes to mind. It is your mind, something like a pet, feed it.

You would not neglect a poor little pet brain, would you? Just feed it, show some care, and it will perk up.

Brit, don't kill yourself if it gets to that. Remember, you don't have to live alone on a benefit; you can come and stay with me and MADDuck in Houston.

What you need is to get away from those people who are pressuring you to succeed. You need to get away from your mother who is expecting you to do something. When you're 18 you can live alone, on a benefit, and take your time studying and that! Talk to your youth worker so you can do it sooner than that!

Thanks everyone for your comments.

I appreciate all of the different views that you all have.

I have kind of made up my mind now about what I want to do...it's just actually doing it that I'm trying to figure out now.

I like your style, Inventor. Eloquently precise and inspirational. : )

-Ozzy