I love my mom but she's so boring!

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Oh God, I'm so tactless. I'm too exhausted mentally to think of a tactful way to say this. Even though we only do this like once a week, I could barely stand just standing aorund with her in a grocery store full of yucky food (all very fattening too!), talking about it. But she got hurt whenever I wandered too far away, wanted me to wait for her, then go with her to the dollar store just to pick up a few things she could have carried herself. I was cranky by then and wondering out loud, "What am I doing here?" "Helping me," she said. I could have taken all our bags back to the room and she said at first that I could but then she became very adamant about carrying her own stuff! So she doesn't want help? Then why am I there? I left a bit annoyed, she was in a bad mood too. Screw hjer, and being nice, and not causing people pain in this world. I'm always going to cause people pain, either whilst thinking I'm perfect and doing something good, or knowing I'm doing it, or doing it out of spite. There seems to be no escape from causing people pain!

Sounds like the only person you are causing pain to is yourself.

Your mom seems capable of fending for herself physically (from your description above), but perhaps not emotionally?
Maybe your presence is reassuring to her in some way?

If you are causing her pain by not wanting to go on errands with her, then couldn't she be causing you pain for insisting you do go with her?

You two seem to be communicating pretty badly from the story you relate above.

Not knowing either of you personally, I can only guess.

I don't see anyone getting truly 'hurt' here. I just see people feeling either needy and trying to control someone for the needy person's benefit, or feeling obligated to someone even though they hate being that way and do not necessarily have to be there at that moment for the other person to accomplish anything.

I think you need to re-asses this idea of you causing people pain.
You've written yourself off as someone who is "...always going to cause people pain..."
You bring yourself down by creating this fantasy of being a 'Pain producer' in other people's lives.
Even if someone has told you that you have caused them 'pain', you should take a good look at the circumstances before judging yourself too harshly.

Most times when I hear someone cry about being 'hurt' by another person... it is more often a fact that the complainer has chosen to seek attention and comfort by rejecting their part in the whole affair.
Sure, feelings can be 'hurt', but that is all subject to the wounded person's state of mind and how they wish to relate to others.

Here's an unrelated example
I can be called all sorts of names... my mother can be called all sorts of names and accused of sexual perversions; but unless I wish to allow these things to hurt me, those words are meaningless in regard to my mother and I, but very telling about the speaker.
I can remember in public school how much people got upset when someone insulted his mother.
Fact is, the person doing the insulting usually had no idea who this other person's mother was, never met her, etc.
So the insult was meaningless, except when the 'victim' decided to play the 'injured party' card and cry some foul to their honor!

Should I get back on topic?

My best guess is that you use this notion of 'Ana hurting others' as a means of dragging yourself down.
I have done it myself, and still do it sometimes.
I see people do it all the time.

You might take responsibility of doing something painful to another person IF you directly attacked THEM!
Just because you didn't want to be there with you mom doesn't mean you were hurting her.
If she felt any 'hurt' from that, SHE created it, just like you are creating your own image of being a people hurter.

Take it easy on yourself Ana. Try to understand the actual facts of these events instead of something imaginary that keeps you feeling bad about yourself.

Silly me. Now I feel better. I guess I was just stressed and depressed. I shouldn't be like that.

I'm so confused. I want to understand everything.

Ben, do you ever feel like there is a difference in what's right and what you think is right, or the right thing to do vs. what you want or NEED to do?


This whole stress and frustrating-boredom thing just shouldn't happen; Celexa for a while; maybe I do have ADD.

She is trying to talk to you, you are trying to talk to her, you both have rotten social skills.

You think you have a past, her's is longer, and you two have a record of conflict.

Easy to continue, It is what you know, hard to change.

Seek something, just some little meaningless thing you can agree on. Then seek another.

What bothers you, ask if it bothers her. People would rather speak of themselves, pretend to listen.

Men do this all the time, her thoughts and opinions are facinating, then we get laid.

No, those tight jeans do not make you look fat, only a bit too sexy to go out in public. Meanwhile thinking to self, not fat if you were a hippo. Learn to lie or never get what you want.

Mothers are a good place to learn, lying to them comes natural.

A few crumbs of positive attention is more than most people get. They like the taste.

Where I buy gas, the girl behind the counter looks different. It is her hair just done. I pause, and say how good her hair looks. It cost her two days pay, she could not afford it, she was depressed, tried something, and my words make her happy.

A few crumbs feed the world.