They tell me it's Anorexia.

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Hi.

I used to have an account under another name before. However this spring I got to a point where I stopped going online anywhere because I didn't have the strength, mentally or physically, to sit by the computer. So I have been absent.

They started to use the medical term Anorexia. I've never really considered myself eating disordered. The word eating disorder took months before I could even put it in a sentence about myself, and, Anorexia Nervosa is something I have only recently admitted to.

What I'm getting at is, I need the structure and distraction that the eating disorder provides. And although I suppose you could say that I have been working towards recovery for the past few months, my life is getting hectic again and I know I'm slipping.

You don't know me and I don't know you.
But does someone, anyone understand? Does someone, anyone, know something else that I could use instead of food to handle things and give more structure?

Or could someone, anyone, just give me a hug.
Because I'm feeling so very silly posting this, but I guess I'm getting pathetically desperate.

{{Huggles}} sweetheart. Don't feel silly, if this concerns you then it makes perfect sense to look for answers and advice from other people.

I've just started on this journey of discovery myself so I'm not sure what to tell you that would help. The fact that you are aware of it now makes a huge difference already. I hope someone else has more to offer you than I, I just wanted to make sure you got that hug you need.

*Hug*
:3
I may not know exactly what it's like to have something like this happen to me, however I'd be more than happy to listen and try to help all I can!

*hugs again* you seem like a sensitive and nice person,

alei: Thank you... But I'm sure you understand, that it's difficult not to feel silly when you admit to things like - this. I hope, however, that you and everyone are correct when they say that admitting the problem is a huge step in the right direction, because it feels like I have no idea what I am doing. Sigh. It's difficult. But, I thank you for your support. *hugs back* People like you, makes it worth the discomfort of admitting it so pubicly. You know? So thank you. Very much, thank you.

rexmas: Awh. The fact that someone that doesn't truly know what it is like is still willing to give support is very comforting for me, especially as, nowadays, it is so common that people joke and laugh about issues such as this. *blush* Thank you.

(((((((depth))))))))

I understand. Please don't feel silly and desperate because you are asking for support. EDs become self-perpetuating demons and you can't fight them on your own. It's true that only you can find the strength to keep trying with the diet plan your dietician has drawn up with you, but people here will do what they can to help you, even if that's just some words of affirmation for you to read and re-read.

Please don't beat yourself up because you feel things slipping away from your control. What would you say to someome else in your position?

Cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself - you deserve kindness. I'm not sure looking to replace the structure and control you have through the ED with something else is a good idea. Instead can you accept that other things are placing extra demands on you and that in the short term the best you can do is to make sure you're eating as safely as possible, even if that means not managing to complete your diet plan?

How soon can you speak to your psych/dietician, as they need to know you're struggling.

Have another hug.

I've struggled with an eating disorder, so I know where you're coming from. I used losing weight as a device to control my happiness, particularily with my appearance. I used to think I had an ugly face, and I thought it was the reason I didn't have any friends. I knew I couldn't change the way my face looked, but I could lose weight to have a beautiful body that others would envy. In reality, losing weight did nothing to change my situation. Anorexia for me was a distraction from my social issues because it gave me a quick fix of happiness, but the main issues I had with myself were never addressed.
Lately I have made a conscious effort to think higher of my self, and I have been addressing the emotional issues behind my eating disorder. I no longer think I am ugly and I realize that I can make friends if I just speak and share my ideas.
Try to think of the exact reason you have turned to and eating disorder for emotional support. Why do you need control in your life? If you can identify the source of your problems, then you can tackle it your issues more effectively. Good luck with recovery.

Macallan: I would say they were not alone. I would say I'd be there if the person needed to talk. I would say not to lose faith and remember why to keep fighting. But I'm no good at listening to myself, if that is what you mean with that question. My psychologist (or the one previous to my most recent one) tried to suggest that I give my love to someone else with my issues, and then for a moment pretend I'm that person and give myself love. It didn't go very well. I'm rambling.
The next, and last, appointment with my curent psychologist is the 20th December. The psychiatry departments and divisions around here are being rearranged and I'm stuck having to go somewhere else for help after new years, and I know I would not be able to handle the sudden change so I am breaking the contact after that. My mother has contact with my medical doctor on the phone, and I go on check-ups as often as I am able to handle. Which sadly isn't much. They're trying to get me back to my old psychiatry department though, because they know about my Asperger, and understand that, apparently since it's a crucial point I'm at, a change of psychologist would mean that I would have to start over.
I talk too much. And thank you for the hug.

beautifuloblivion: Thank you for sharing your point of view. It is encouraging to hear that you have been able to put the negative thoughts behind you. I'm currently working at trying to identify the souce of my problems, but the more I look into it the more frightened I become. But thank you for your good luck wishes. It's comforting to know that you understand.

< awkward hug>
Hi.

Thank you. <3

I've had the same, anorexia nervosa; how you explained it is...perfect for someone who has a fear of change, i.e., Asperger's. It's a common thing among people with Asperger's; adding control to an uncontrollable environment. Mine started at the end of year 11, well, I left school by that time, but the stress of school is what led me there. I don't know how I got "over" it other than removing myself from the trigger, that seemed to work. Recognizing the trigger is always a good thing, there's nothing wrong with stepping aside when it gets too much for you, there's nothing wrong with removing yourself from the environment for good; your mind is telling you it is overwhelmed with anorexia nervosa.

I don't hug people I don't know, no offense intended.

It's comforting to have someone else agree that it's a method of coping with the environment for us with Asperger's. It's not easy to make people around me understand that it's not truly about vanity, when it comes down to it. If you don't mind me asking, how did you remove yourself from the trigger? Did you leave school? My parents wish so much for me to be able to go to school, that I keep trying.

And - none taken.

*hugs*

been there too

*more hugs*

People tend to see their view and project it onto you. I saw that people may "accept" me more if I was "ripped", being that I'm socially ret*d and all; I never wanted to know people, but I wanted to stop the bullying (not that I was "fat", nor was I teased for such, but I was truly drawing at straws and down to my last options). Also, as you know, having the "control", something you have a definite say in is therapeutic and it adds order to a chaotic world. I...left school (school bad for autistic Daniel), and I then withdrew from "society" for several years, attempting to study here and there, but living at home, my safe environment out in the country. My mother didn't mind, she always wanted me to attend college, I tried and continually failed, but the try was enough for her. After removing myself from high school, I got over my eating disorder in a couple of years.

My life is kinda busy now (college, therapy for autism and whatnot), and I've had some fleeting thoughts of returning to the "control"; which means I'm probably overwhelmed, but whatever.

Similar boat.

*accepts hugs & hugs back* Thankyou.



I understand and thank you for answering my question. It certainly seems like stress is a large factor in these kind of things, doesn't it. I hope you won't go back to the eating disorder - I hope that since you acknowledge that you're getting overwhelmed, you'll try to figure out a way for things to work. I will do the same, though, I realise I've got a long way to go because there are a lot of things that trigger me which aren't so easy to take away from my life.
Anyway. My best of hope for you. And thank you.