I'm just so awful

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Do I love her or something?
I hate this...

Recently I've been writing down suicidal things on paper and things... I wrote down suicidal things on 5 pieces of paper... placed 4 of them on the corners of my bed and one in the centre.

She won't talk to me anymore... I can't even tell her how much this has f***** me up.

This is so very wrong... plus lack of friends, too much work, no connection with most people...

I can't go on like this.

Please help... no other kind can. She can't as things are, and neurotypes probably just think I'm some annoying whiney emo or something.

This is horrible... it's macabre.

Please help!

Don't let some other person ruin your life. Get help if you are suicidal--do you have access to counsellors at school/work? Most workplaces have a shop steward or human resources person who should be able to direct you in how to get counselling.
The most important thing is to get help for your depression. Once you feel better, it'll be much easier to make friends and connect with people. Good luck!

P.S. If you're more specific with what your problems are, you can get more specific advice!

Yes... I'm definately feeling suicidal...

More problems... I can't relate to or connect properly with anyone around me... I've grown paranoid... I think I might be manic depressive... not sure about that one though.

I absolutely HATE where I live... and where I am - the culture of the place... it's not at all suitable for one such as I.

This has all been dragging me down for a long time. I've done well to have held out for as long I did... but I think it's crippled me now.

Things just suck... but beyond suck... everything's just really really awful, and even that probably isn't enough to describe this.

Then you need to figure out where you want to live, what you want to do next. Writing things down is helpful. At least I found it so when I quit my full-time job and moved to a different city; it was a very stressful time, but if you focus on the positive you'll get though it.
Is that what's causing your depression, though? It's difficult to function when you're really upset. You need to treat it more like an illness; for starters, maybe take some time off work. If you're putting in too many hours and losing sleep, it can definately have a negative effect, even more so if you hate your job.

The things the outrageous, modern world have done to everyone these days!
I hate it!

What am I talking about?

I agree.

Samtoo, I'm not sure what is going on, and typically I don't know what to say in these situations. If it's a problem with an intimate partner then I know roughly what the feeling is.

I don't think the point is to "move on and forget about her." If you have built this relationship for a long time it can be difficult to see any meaning beyond the end of the relationship. Many of my relationships have sucked me dry of my resources and I'm not sure why. I'm still trying to figure that problem out.

But something isn't functioning correctly somewhere.

Suicide note writing can, paradoxically, help to alleviate feelings of horror and distress. When your mind has been backed into a corner (quite easily accomplished among higher-thinking people, I assure you) there aren't many other paths that seem plausible. Another thing I should suggest to you is to try your best to stop thinking. Too much thinking in stressful situations can magnify the confusion and pain you feel. Emptiness of the mind is good for some periods of time.

As always, there is no clear answer to any of the problems your facing. If you're feeling alienated from the society around you, then you probably are. People who are emotionally sensitive like this tend to dislike standard societal norms.

I'm thinking about you.

-Colin

Hey there,

Listen, take it from someone who actually did the deed.

It ain't worth it.

No one is worth it.

Do not let anyone dictate your life. It is OK to grieve, that is normal, but to do away with yourself because of the actions of another, don't do it.

Years from now, you will look back and say "What was I thinking?". We all have heartbreak, it hurts, we all move on.

I've been divorced twice, and guess what, I'm OK.

*HUGS* You will be OK. Trust me.

Oh, I know the whole relationship crashed and is sucking me down feeling...

It can get better.

In the meantime, you need to find something to look after - you need to have a few good reasons to keep going - I know it's hard.

Now I had my kids, before that I had other things....

Get some pets.... get out there and don't be alone.

Create a new thread to find any aspies in your area who might be able to help you. ie: Thread called: "Does anyone live near ....." I didn't see your location in your profile but I expect you're not in Australia.

Go out with some aspies for coffee - go for a walk in the park etc. (not by yourself) and you'll find some things worth hanging around for.

Thanks for the messages y'all.
I seem to be ok for now...

I'm glad you are feeling better. Don't put up with feeling bad alone. You did a good thing in posting you thoughts on this forum. I can't open up personally like this.
Also - could you contact your local autism support network for some help?