Impossible to recover?

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Being depressed and suicidal so long seems to have seriously impaired the few things that I valued about myself--my intellect, creativity, curiosity. I even destroyed many of my works in preparation of dying, and barely have anything now to remind me of how I did them. I suppose these things do not need to be of value to me, but I don't really have anything else to replace them. So I live as some kind of worthless remnant of a being that should have been dust a long time ago. It makes me ashamed to exist.

I don't know what to do or how to gather the will to do it. The worst part is that I cannot even make myself care.

you need a friend or friends
it seems like
are you lonely
you seem like such a nice person and its really sad that you are so unhappy

Please don't wish to die. You seem like a wonderful person, just probably been kicked around until you feel like an empty box. Please, don't feel bad, everyone destroys their works at one point. You'll make new ones. Tell you what, if you want to talk, feel free to PM if you want. -Power Girl

you won't replace them by standing still so why not just make new creations. Its still there that spark ya sued to make them so make new creations flex your talent and learn to love yourself again. I know your probably sitting there like " what does he know" I been there done that I tried to take my life 3 times I destroyed everything that was who I was at that time. I was sad because it was short sighted and counterproductive but I turned around I started writing again I got into role playing which helped my creativity, I made myself work on being more of what I thought I was lacking but yet still looked at myself and loved the fact that not only was I working on the things I didn't like but apperciating those things Ididn't even have to touch.

Twenty-five years ago, my husband went for a bushwalk, and found a man who had taken his own life. It wrenches at his heart to this day. He did not know this man at all, but even after a quarter-century, the man's name and all the details of the event are still fresh in his mind.

Going by what you have written here on Wrong Planet, you are an intelligent, articulate person. With you gone, the light in the world would go dimmer. You would certainly be missed by everyone here.

And what you have made once, you can make again, greater than before. I hope you feel better soon.

yea personally alot of the old people I hung out with when I was in my depressed stages commited suicide. Their images haunt me sometimes I feel bad for them I wished that they would find what I found. They were all individuals who could have changed the world in some minute way and added so much. Its a shame. So much unused potential it saddens me. The depression was meant to be there it was meant to show me it was time to wake up... and the beauty of life when you take the dark shades off your eyes. I just wish they eventually would have reached the same concluusion.

Immured, I never seemed to build skills that I needed but I have some valuable insights and inventions that are worth exploring. I suspect that your life needs renewal and you destroyed your works to make room for new ones. Much of what came to me that helps me the most came in the last seven years, and I am forty-seven now. I am stronger than I was before I got sick and I do better work.

There is always hope for a new life.

Growing is the process of sheading your past, not caring about it, for it has to go to make room for what has not happened yet.

There is a feeling of sadness with letting go of the known, but nothing can be known of the future.

I have been many people in 61 years, and I hope to out grow the current one also. I would not want any of them back.

I found when I moved, far away, knew no one, started a new life, not much of my past came along, it was new in a new world.

Making a collection of your self is not good, museum collector to a dead past, mourning for the Second Grade.

Life is no place to stand still.

your intelligence is still there, so is your creativity, as is your curiosity. All that is happened is that you don't need them right now.

What you need to to discover is the baser reasons to live. That which gives your intelligence, your creativity and your curiosity meaning. Whatever that is for you. You need to discover it.

And when you discover it you'll see why you should never be ashamed to exist. Never accept an unearned guilt.

It's very difficult to get out of depression and I wish you luck in reaching revelations that will bring you to a more positive place. You have plenty to offer to the world. You seem like an intelligent, complex person. Just hang in there and foster those times when you feel your highest.

Inventor, there is more than one way to care about your own past. Learn to love yourself for what you were.

Self punishment is not the answer. I think you have many qualities to offer the world but why destroy your artworks? if they are destroyed the world cannot see them. You will have strokes of brillience again and you will create even more wonderful art that reflects your creativity. People around you probally recognise your intellect and arnt you curiouse what the future may hold? It is better to have loved and lived than to have perished from the earth with nothing but a false sence of shame that you have nothing useful to the world. I think you recognise that you are creative, intelligent and curiouse because you say you value it. When you value something you guard it with all your heart you NEVER throw it away.

On some days I feel suicidally depressed, and think about just ending it all, so I can relate to what you're saying. What keeps me from doing it is my family. How selfish is suicide?

Thinks will get better, hang onto that.

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

The way I would approach this would be like a new beginning, I had a few of those already. Be positive!! ! Start over!! !

Love, Elena.