And they say we're the ones with the problems?

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Taken from my myspace blog.

Every time I try real hard, I screw up. I am more literal, and more clumsy. I even tend to hide too when upset. I just curl up in a ball and sit somewhere where no one can see me where I am alone where I am isolated. So why bother trying really hard to understand these people, trying to read between the lines and use my common sense but instead I just make it worse. Lot of people at work don't speak very good English because they are very hard to understand, English isn't their primary language. At least I don't have to carry on a conversation with them. I just let them talk at me but when it's your office clerk talking to you, you have no choice but to listen and try to hear what he or she is saying.
Today I was told I had to clean the women's locker rooms. She told me I had to take out all the paper and put in new ones. I didn't understand so I asked 'What's paper?" and she said "all the toilet paper, the paper towels, everything. Take out everything and put in the new ones."
At least that's what I thought she said.
Because I want to be a good employee, I replaced all the toilet paper and paper towels even though I didn't understand why I was doing it. They were all clean, there was nothing wrong with them and it was a waste what I was doing but hey I was told to do it so I did. I did think it was odd she wanted me to do it.
So after I was done cleaning the locker room, I asked her what she wanted me to do with the toilet paper and towels and she says she told me replace them when it needs to be replaced. I just don't listen.
I hate it when I get told that. I feel like a Jeff.
I did ask her "Take out all the paper?" making sure I heard right and understood and she said take it out and put in new ones, take out everything." At least I knew she was talking about the papers only. I could have taken out the hangers too and the trash cans and the kleenex and the lotion sitting in front of the mirror but I didn't because I used my common sense. She mentioned paper so that's how I knew.
I didn't remember her telling me to replace the paper when it needs it. Maybe she did tell me and because English isn't her primary language, I didn't understand her clearly.
Why didn't I ask her to repeat it slowly? Why? People get mad at me when I have troubles understanding. People assume I am not listening when I ask anyway so why bother.
I was real mad at myself so misunderstanding her. I have to try harder to understand these people. For god's sake, when they move to our country, they have to realize there will be misunderstandings because people might not always understand all words they're saying because of their accent, and because they might not know every English word, they might not be real clear with their instructions so people have to try real hard to understand what they are being told. So they have to try connecting the dots trying to figure out what they are being told to do and they might not always get the right picture and it's my fault?
Maybe I'm the only one with this problem because I am the only white person there in housekeeping department and English is my prime language so all these people are hard to understand so it seems like I don't listen to them and try hard enough. I'd just love for them to work in a place where all their employees are White and then they would see none of them listen lol. Then maybe they would figure it must have to do with being an American lol. And doctors say we lack theory of mind and these office clerks do and they are NT. Even NTs lack theory of mind. They even don't pick up on people's emotions either or their feelings always. Didn't the office clerk know I was crying when I was on the phone in the locker room. I guess not because she walked out of the locker room fast because she said I was harassing her when I said to my mother she doesn't speak very good English. Didn't she see I was crying. My face was red, my eyes were teary, and my voice was showing it too or was it monotone? I bet not because my mother knew something was wrong because of the tone of my voice. Then I started to cry and tell her about the misunderstanding but I didn't know the office clerk was in the locker room standing next to me (she was in her locker because hers happens to be two lockers away from mine) because I said she doesn't speak good English. If I knew she was in there, I wouldn't have said it and I wouldn't have started talking about my problem. I didn't notice her till she said "Stop it Beth, you're harassing me."
I was very embarrassed, yes I do get embarrassed, so I started to cry harder and told my mother she is in the room I didn't know she was in there so I have to talk about it later. She said something to me but I don't remember. I was busy crying to my mother so I couldn't hear what she was saying and then she slammed her locker shut and walked out of the room so I told my mother about the misunderstanding.
And doctors say we lack empathy just because we don't pick up on someone's emotions. Well I was crying, how can someone who is crying be talking on the phone to their mother saying someone doesn't speak very good English and have it be harassment. Did she think I was pretending to be upset?
It's just like when you get upset on a forum and you express your emotions in your blog or on another forum and bam people think you're playing a game because they still don't understand they have hurt you or they still don't understand or they choose to think you're playing a game. Why would someone post about their hurt feelings and how they were treated by people or someone on another forum or on their blog?
Crap NTs do but aspies do it too so maybe it's a human thing.
At least I don't do that but I do know not to post about my hurt feelings on another forum that is a spin off from a forum I go to like I did with Intensity on WP. Why do people think we're playing a game when we express ourselves? Why?


The worst thing that can happen is me losing my job just because the office clerk will probably tell the assistant manager I harassed her. My mother says I didn't but it was her perspective. My mother told me I was talking to her and I am on a break so I can do anything I want. Well not literally. I can't leave the building or do vandalism, break into other people's lockers and take things. So I wrote him a note just like mother told me to do. I think the officer clerk did the same too because I saw an envelope on the keyboard with his name on it. I wonder what side he would take. Would he see it was just a misunderstanding or think I'm guilty of the crime. The least worst thing that can happen is being suspended from work.

I know what you mean, sometimes when people in the office give me instructions they are not clear and precise and their instructions

-Have important parts missing
-Don't make literal sense

And I have to ask them 2 or 3 times and sometimes even write out on a notepad precisely what it is I have to do. Which makes me feel a bit stupid for not understanding. But the fact is that they sort of expect a person to be psychic and understand things they didnt say. It can be quite maddening. But it is not our fault, or their fault, we just have to work extra hard to decode them

And my mother wanted me to tell my boss I have Aspergers. Yeah right I'm going to do that. It's so embarrassing to have it and it would look like I'm using it as an excuse. Damn too many people with disabilities using theirs as a crutch and it ruined it for the innocent ones. Now I can't tell anyone I have it or they'd assume I'm am using it as an excuse too.

The trouble is we're perceived as being a bit odd, so NT's rarely take a real interest in what's going on. It's not aided that short of crying or laughing, we're almost impossible to read. I don't know about you, but unless I'm feeling an extreme of something, I just look surly and angry, when in fact my face is merely relaxed, I rarely feel either emotion in reality.

Personally I go out of my way to explain I have Asperger. It's not an excuse, it's a tool that allows others to asses the situation differently. Remember most NT's won't have delt with anyone autistic in nature, so it's logical to give them the oppertunity to learn about us, as we have too about them. It's only with common understanding on both sides (which I admit is rare) that true communication can take place. I suppose it's like two countries with differing cultures, if you don't understand that tilting your foot at 45 degrees is as bad as sticking your fingure up, alot of offence is going to take place on both sides and very little communication will ever take place. If you've been dianosed, use it for heavens sake, or there's no point in the dianoses. Asperger is an established different norm.

I've lived long enough to realize that it doesn't matter what the situation is when it comes to being disliked. People who don't like someone will look for excuses to justify their wrong behavior!

Someone else making an assumption of you using aspergers as an excuse only reveals their bad character. You have no control over what they're gong to think and they will think what they think regardless of whether or not you tell them you have aspergers or not.

I would be very wary of working in a place where the bitter minority are my superiors when I belong to the "white" majority. I'd think it's their golden opportunity to give back the resentment. If they were unnice to me, I'd attribute it to this situation. Kinda putting myself in the line of fire.

i really do hate when that kind of situations happens too. whenever i get instructed i couldn't 'absorb' them properly because they're normally said so fast. so i have to ask them to repeat slowly and then everyone would think i'm dumb, stupid and not bothering before at all. it's not fair.

Spokane_Girl,

I think they know about you already.

From the desk clerk's point of view, she is trying to manage in a second language, and does not get it right. It all comes down to word useage, on both sides. She said replace when she meant refill.

Her failure to communicate. If I was her boss, I would be working on her language. This was no big problem, but clean room 3B means something very different than strip room 3B.

Getting rid of you would show she wants to cover her failure, and only become fit to manage staff that speaks her native language. I do not think she is willing to give up all promotion, managing whites, for a race reason.

When someone who has a language problem tells you to do something different than it has always been done, do not just ask them to repeat it, ask if they mean doing it like it has always been done, or if there is some other reason.

Let her off the hook, she took it as a personal failure, and that you might have missunderstood her on purpose. People have done things to make their manager look bad, and women managers get more of that.

Take the step of telling her you heard replace, not refill, and were trying to do as she asked without questioning her, and it got fouled up.

If you want friends, be one.

I recall being in Centeral America, I told the barber I wanted a trim, just a little off, and even showed a quarter inch with my fingers. He did not fully follow my instructions, he left more than a quarter inch, giving me the shortest hair cut that still looked good. It was too late to do anything but approve of my new look.

In other places I have had to tell people what to do, and they do just what you tell them. These are Americans. Management constantly tests communication skills.

With the rest, I do learn to say hello and thank you in their first language. It is nothing, but when we speak, it reminds that we do not speak the same English, and words should be chosen with care.

Before throwing anything away, try to fix it.