Bashing my head against a brick wall... :(

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Apologies in advance for the long post, I need to get this off my chest!

After yet another conversation with OH on the phone about tidiness and housework, I am seriously beginning to consider if it will all work out okay between us.

I'm not good at getting things from my head to the screen (verbalising? that doesn't seem correct for a forum, maybe it is, who knows...) but I'll do my best.

My house is cluttered. But my house is not dirty. OH thinks that my messiness can be cured by teaching habit. Maybe it can, but somehow after 27 years of trying to induce habits I can't see it. Maybe thats defeatist. Maybe thats my prerogative he he.

He got rattled by a crumpet being left in the toaster this morning. I tried to explain why it was still there so he could understand my thought patterns, but all he kept saying was 'the bin is right there, I can't understand why you didn't just put it in the bin while you were thinking about it'. But I wasn't thinking about it, I got distracted and because said crumpet didn't have a neon sign above it it was invisible- I can't see it, it doesn't exist. I don't do it to be lazy, it's just the way my head works and I hate it. FFS there are 4 children in this house that distract me all the time!!

He can't understand that I don't get attached to 'stuff', but I'll seriously try and hand-feed 5 kittens that need it because their mother got locked in a shed for 24 hours. Why in the name of all that is sane would I place a telly in importance over a helpless life??!

But hey, he can try and cure me, so whats the big deal? His line is 'I want to make life better for you'. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH Noble as that sentiment is, understanding me would make my life better, not sodding pictures on sodding painted walls that go out of sodding fashion after a few sodding years!! !

I didn't want to fall in love, I was quite happy the way I was, and for all the wonderful things love brings it also brings other stuff that isn't so wonderful. I'd rather go through life with nothing eventful happening than this rollercoaster. I must sound ungrateful but I'm not, I adore him, I really do but this is taking over everything. I have tried to tell him about it but he is so closed minded about it that it frustrates me even more. I know he is feeling frustrated but for crying out loud, I'm listening to him and learning about NT thought patters and behaviour, I've been doing it all my life so why can't he just try?

I hate having this Aspergers, I hate the fact that the majority of NT's think they can 'cure' it without the remotest understanding of what it is like living with it, I hate it I hate it I hate it and it is taking every ounce of self-will not to hair-pull or chew my lip till it bleeds.

yep, I know how u feel. Sometimes I hate my AS too

Join the club. I like being an aspie. I just wish I wasn't so clueless becasue of it. And being so sensitive to light, sound, touch, taste, and smell. And the funny looks I get when I'm just being myself. And when people come over trying to correct me so I'd act normal and talking to me like I'm stupid.
No, don't mind me jumping across the room. I just love learning how to act normal so I'll be another faceless NT in a huge crowd. HA!! !! !! !! !! !! ! Anyone who thinks that deserves to be hit with an ugly stick. -Power Girl

Thanks for your replies, I'm glad to say I'm feeling a lot better this morning. Heres why...

I caught up with the local gossip (tedious, but my friend loves to tell me these things- I'm a woman, I should LOVE gossip LOL) and I realised how simple life is for me- I heard that over New Year one person has been treated for 2nd degree burns from a firework, a few are STILL hung-over and one poor woman had her husband cheat on her with her next-door neighbour. She walked in on them and they had a fist-fight. She's standing by her hubby though, 'the b**** seduced him'. I mean, he wasn't drunk, she was. You work it out

So I don't do fireworks, they cause a traffic jam in my head and they are too loud. I don't drink because I have kids and who would look after them if I couldn't? If my BF cheated I wouldn't go after the other woman but he'd be history.

Life on my planet is black and white and I like it that way

So the house is untidy- He'll have to deal with it, until he does we don't move in together. Until then I will secretly try and adjust my thinking, but if I don't say anything to him I can't Fail Well, not publicly...

My cup is well and truly half full!!