upset over confromtation with family member

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I have had a really down and upsetting day. First I found out my gran is sick again then I got into an altercation with my uncle. I was very hurt by his actions. He started to talk to me about my grandma and how she needs protecting and he will stick up for her if he thinks me or anyone else is having a go this is fair enough.

However he then went on to say that he or anyone else wont (never really have) stick up or intervene when my mum verbally abuses me. Saying I should "stand up for myself" I tried explaining I cannot do this as I do not have the strength or courage to do it and never have if I try it comes across all wrong and that I too am vulnerable due to AS. He later minimised what mum does saying it isn't abuse it is "poor parenting" and what happens to my gran is "real abuse. It makes it feel like they aren't protecting me from her unfair critisisms etc or care about me or that she behaves like that. It also means mum feels her behaviour is acceptable and it isn't. However they will stand up for Mim (gran) and this leaves me to feel alone and uncared for.

I dont think Alan (uncle) realises just how DEEPLY hurt I was by your reactions today and will continue to be. Right now I feel so hurt and upset I have been crying all day. I strongly believe if you see someone being abused or poorly parented or whatever you want to call it you intervene in a non threatening manner. Daniel and Kate's uncles and aunts intervene for them to their mum's all they need to say is that isn't fair or what you said isn't right or go easy on her/him etc I would never expect people to go to the police or anything.

I think you're right. He doesn't get it does he. Standing up to it is the hardest thing in the world to do, because it's a parent that is to be getting it.

no i dont think he does Nts seem to have very different views on these things I dont back away from what i said especially that I was very upset with his minimising of the abuse and that is what it is.

He and my aunt now claim they haven't seen verbal abuse just "bad parenting" all of which is very hurtful because I thought they really understood my situation apparently not. Also I think they are making out that my grandma gets "abused" when she doesn't sure I got upset with her a few times and swore at her once but that isn't abuse we all get upset and say things we regret later.

The wholse incident has really hurt me and it has put a real downer on the last couple of days for me.

Today I saw my mum and she was her overly critical self and I just dont know how to handle these things. How I run my placei s my business yet mum seems to think it is up to her to tell me how to run things.

Simply put, when it comes to family, they are expendable.

The only way you will ever earn their respect is to make them fear you. You must stop being the "pathetic child", and instead become the wild, dangerous pit viper waiting in the scrub brush for the unsuspecting hiker to step on, and receive a massive dose of lethal venom.

My parents only now realize I am self-sufficient. While I lived with them during my vacation time from college, they still treated me like an idiot. However, they started to realize as I began buying more and more guns, I had more firepower on tap than they did.

They also started realizing with the extent I memorized their daily routines, my intelligence, and my complete ignorance, if not deliberate disregard for their emotions, it was highly likely I could kill them any time I wished. I was simply holding back because the consequences greatly exceeded the rewards.

When someone realizes their life has been quantitatively analyzed and assigned a dollar value by someone who takes more pleasure in the company of their guns than other humans, those people begin to back off.

I particularly had a nasty uncle (still do, until he hopefully dies in the next year or two) who is using my grandmother to take her land, and complains I am weak. Had he realized I had my tactical knife on me at the time more to stop him than any of the dangerous game animals on the land, or how soothing shoving that sharp blade into his gut would feel, he would have stopped long ago.

Alas, my values are based on virtue ethics.

So, to sum up, the best option at this stage is to convince your family you are dangerous, but quite sane and intellectually so. A raving maniac is dangerous but pitied. A smart, collected, calculating predator is a far more dangerous animal, who no one will mess with.

I must say that I disagree, GoatMan. Machiavelli may have said that it is better to be feared than loved; but remember, in his own time, Machiavelli was just another crank. He only has any regard because his works have been cited by various dictators and college students over time.

Catster, I'm unfamiliar with your particular living situation; however, your statements here seem to imply that you're living on your own. Are you dependent on these family members for any financial support? If not, cruel as it may sound, your best option may be simply to cut them out of your life - they are toxic, unpleasant people, and you don't need that in your life. You've got enough to deal with just being autistic.

If you are, of course, cutting them off may not be an option, but then neither would cutting them up be...