I'm feeling a bit down lately. What do I do?

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Hi I know you are tired of hearing me being depressed over the last year but its that time of year again! Same crap, different year. First the good news. I am no longer delusional about the aliens being after me. The new medicine I am on (Geodon) is helping with that. The thought insertion is 95% gone. I still have some bad days with that the last one was about a week ago. Most of the time I am not getting the thought insertion or delusions about them. Thank God for that. Every time around birthdays I get an episode of some kind. Last episode was in October and that believe it or not a manic episode. That lasted for a few months. I thought my art was going to change the world and I was going to be rich and famous within a year. I felt like I was on top of the world and nothing could go wrong. Back then I would get all hyper and stuff. Now things are changing and I am not happy. There are some good things that are going on such as me having an art show and going to an autism conference in my area. I feel even those things are destined to failure. I am a failure and I am a burden on my family. My mom has to drive me everywhere and wait for hours when I am at my appointments or art lessons. I don't drive for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is the fact that I go catatonic, I have different personalities (I have three young personalities and they ain't know nothing. They are a baby, a 2 year old, and a 5 year old. You wouldn't let them drive, would you?), my reaction time is way too slow and I don't notice things right away, and there are a few other reasons but I wouldn't be a safe driver and that is all I'll say about it. I am 24 years old and in less than a month I will be 25 years young. I hate being old. I do nothing useful at my age, I still live at home, make no money, and have no job. Most of the time I am going to art lessons, or sleeping because my pills or my depression makes me so tired and I have no energy. I think I am going to be a total failure. My brother will make millions of dollars as a top game programmer. He is in college and the top of his class. My family spends too much money on me and I think our financial problems is all my fault. They spend money on my art supplies, the social security money I get only helps a little. I make $600 a month and I'm afraid that is all I will make for the rest of my life. Of course there will be cost of living increases in there and it might go up a few dollars but it makes me sad that I am not making much. I'm scared that I will end up on the streets soon. I told my dad last week that the report will be negative even though there were "positive" rumors going around. My dad works at Intel. I made a prediction that the stock would fall to $15 a share, especially if the recession happens. Right now its $19 a share and it was $25 a share when I made that prediction earlier this year. If you follow the markets it is depressing lately. My dad said if it hits my prediction, he will quit his job because all his effort is for nothing except failure. Then where in the hell is the money going to come from? We will end up super poor or on the streets begging for money. All my business does is cost money without making a dime. It is financially draining my family. I have an art business in where I put my designs on T- shirts and other items. Besides all this my pills are making me a fat, ugly person. I have gained 80 pounds over the past year or so. I have been on almost every pill known to mankind. Most of the pills failed to work until the recent ones like Invega and Geodon. I am not worried about the Geodon putting on weight because that pill doesn't do that. It is all the ones I have been on for the past year. So, I am going to die because I am fat. See, if I go off the pills I will go psychotic and 100 times worse than I am now. I would probably die by trying to get the non existent device out of my brain like I was going to a few weeks ago when I had all these bizarre beliefs about the aliens. I might even hear voices and stuff without the pills. But if I stay on them I will gain 500 pounds and die because I am too obese. It is a lose-lose situation and that is making me depressed. I am also depressed because as mentioned before the burden I put on the family. I am not suicidal right now but if dad quits, or anything else bad happens, I might become so. I feel like that everything goes for the worst for my family. I'm scared. So, what do I do? I feel like I am destined for failure in my art career. That is the only thing I can do because I am so dumb in everything else. I am so dumb I have an IQ of -50, the lowest ever recorded by a human being. I can't believe that I have an IQ that low! That means I am not capable of doing anything useful. I know I need help.

maybe u could talk to a professional about the sideeffects of your pills. there should be a medication that will help you without the weightgain or the sleepiness, that u could take instead of the one u are on now.
as for a job u could try going to a career consultant that could suggest a job that u could do well at. or check a jobs website that is looking for people that can draw well (like u).
your family do care about you. you should remember that. I hope you can be as positive about yourself oneday as you are about your brother.

I don't know you, but I read your post. It seems to me like you are a smart, well-spoken person. (Not everybody in this world is). You are concerned about your family, that shows that you have compassion and care, again, this is a quality that not everybody has. You are talented in art, that's another big thing. You have a loving family that encourages you and loves you. When you start a business, it goes like that in the beginning...not making money, but spending money. I used to be self employed and it took me at least 3 years before I could feel like I built a good reputation and trust with my clients and felt like I had some control over the business (and make some money).
You gained weight...I know the feeling of frustration over that. I was really sick in 2004 and inflamation in my body made me look like a monster, but it was very little I could do about it, besides assess the situation and make a plan. I knew that it would take a few years for the body to heal and regenarate. I knew that I wasn't doing much to at least lose weight, but I wasn't feeling good and depression plus being tired just made me immobile...it got much better ever since. Gaining weight is not a death sentence. You can force yourself to be more active, I said FORCE, make a plan and stick to it, even if it is something silly like not drinking sugary stuff, like Coca Cola. Or taking a walk every day. You can reverse weight gain, but expect to be a few years before you see results. Slowly, but surely. Change what you eat, that helps. Be a little obsessed about food and yourself...
I really think that you are kidding about the IQ, you are so well spoken that I can not believe that your IQ is low. From what you said about your family I suspect that at least your emotional IQ (love for them and caring etc.) is very high. Nobody that has compassion is a "dumb" person, it's just the opposite.
About depression, yes, you have it. I have it, all of us do. At times it gets bad, but it goes away, also. I don't know if you can be off meds and feel good, but there is a good possibility. I also think that you're worried for your family too much, you will never end up on the streets, I just know. And your parents just love to take you to your art assignments, I know because I take my daughter to all kinds of things and I love it, even if I am tired that I feel like I am falling asleep waiting for her to finish. You don't pay them back by being "sucessful", but by being happy. I know that you can be happy. An older friend of mine told me once, about my life: "It is going to get worse before it will get better", I was nervous about what she said (because it sounded so scary and I didn't understand what she meant), but she was right. It did get much worse than in my wildest nightmares, but it got better afterwards. Life is a roller coaster, I have no choice but to ride, with as much grace as I can. We all do that, even if we don't realize it.
Find strenght in yourself, be patient and hopeful. Maybe now it is that "worst" before it will get better...
Have courage and hope.
Love, Elena.

Oh, another thing. In some cultures (I am Romanian), it is a very normal thing to live with your parents for as long as you like (specially girls). Parents love their children, they only live for them and it's OK, I love my daughter and so far I feel like the love for her gives the only valid meaning to my life. I don't see anything weird or innapropriate that you make 600 dollars a month or because you live with your parents at 25 years old. 25 years old is a beautiful age and so are all ages. You will see that I am right. Don't care so much about what other people do or say. Just do what you and your family like. Those are the people that love you most and that you will always love. And they seem to be good people. I should not say this, but my mother was not the best of moms (partly because she could not deal with autism and started to medicate herself with alcohol) and I still love her and respect her. I moved out from my parents because I felt like me being there was an extra stress for her, but every time I want to feel safe (now, 17 years after moving out and thousands of miles away from my "home"), I close my eyes and imagine that I am at home with my parents...enjoy being with your parents and don't feel guilty about it. They love you and they want you close. When time will come, you will move out. No rush. But I think different than most people in US for example and I know my thinking is considered "mad" for the "values" that they have here...
Be strong and happy!
Love, Elena.