i'm not doing so good...

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my family and few close friends currently have me on their own little 'suicide watch'...since my birthday, i've tried twice.
last night i lost something that meant a great deal to me.
i just don't feel like i have much of anything to live for - everything that i ever wanted will never become a reality, the things i worked so hard for no longer exist, and the people and the things i care about most are the ones that hurt me the most, knowingly or not.
i just don't see a purpose to life anymore.
and it breaks my heart.

Have you tried medication as a last resort? If you find the right one, it can really help...

I feel very sorry for you , and hope you feel better.

Even if you can see no purpose, your family would still really miss you.
That's a reason.

Not that we're as important, but we'd miss you, too. Keep talking to us.

One time I was feeling quite depressed, but decided to start new things anyway. Find new interests etc. A few years later those interests were creating new possibilities in my life.

Most things you did were not useless. But you just have to find out all the positive consequences of them, sometimes you do not see the use of your actions directly but only after a long time...

Just start with some new things and wait what will cross your path.

ohh my god no

I have no solutions to offer, just a wee bit of understanding and a lot of admiration.

If we want a purpose, we either fabricate a purpose (or are convinced in earnest that one exists), or we despair. If we cease to want a purpose, we are freer than before.

I know a lot of people here have seen something very beautiful in you. I hope you will not remove yourself from our sights.

Feeling bad topic

I know Professor Pretorius started a thread for troubled posters. But I am glad Sodarktheshadows decided to reach out in her own topic.

I am not good at advice but when I come across a sad member here I try to talk to them. There have been more than a few lately that have expressed how down they feel. Is it the weather? I know how miserable this winter has been. I live in Barrie; you live in Toronto, and you just had a bad storm.

I think you are the manager of the retail store with poor employee quality. Retail is a very negative environment for me.

I understand about feelings of suicide. My own son tried to hang himself almost three years ago when he was 13. I am glad your family is looking out for you. This is a serious matter.

About a month ago another young person reached out because he wanted to end his own life. I wrote to him about my son. I have not read anything about him since.

Please Sodark, I urge you to speak directly to a human being about this. I do worry . I am glad you have had many posters who have written here. We do care.

Thank you.

um...i was the manager of a retail store. i got fired two weeks ago.
you're in barrie? i'm across the pond in keswick. if we start walking, we could meet on the ice halfway...lol
maybe it is the weather, that combined with a multitude of other things that have been happening...
i did have someone i could talk to about such things, but recently decided to stop talking to him...probably not my best decision right now, but one i felt was needed...but now i'm not so sure.
i appreciate the concern you have all shown me...it's nice to know that people can actually care and not even know you. and this is why i continue to come back here.
and to chris and peter, thanks for the pm's...they really meant a lot.

(((((sodark)))))

Feelings for a topic

Yes, Sodark, I live in Barrie. On Kempenfelt Bay. V R land. Oh, brother.

I am sorry you were fired from your job. I had a job at a major retail store almost one year ago, as a janitor. My hours were reduced by an idiot general manager, so I left. I was there almost two years.

I hope you can get close to your family. Mine did not care whether I was dead or alive. I made a decision years ago not to be like them. Jerks.

Keswick has changed since I last visited in 1969. There used to be cottages, and now It is a large subdivision type of town. I hope you enjoy living there.

I hope you feel better emotionally, soon.

I am not sure the ice is safe on Lake Simcoe right now.

the safety of the ice is relative to how much beer is in the ice hut....
omg...did i just try and make a funny?



*hugs back* thank you...i really needed that.

Feeling better? topic

That is a good joke, Sodark. I suppose there is a lot of beer drinking in those ice huts! I wonder when the ice will break this year. There used to be a contest about it--a shell of a car was placed on the lake and there would be bets about when it would fall through. The winner would receive money or some other prize.

We have been in Barrie for almost 14 years. My youngest was born here.

I did not know if those parentheses were hugs, but this is a good way of making actions into words and symbols. You need hugs right now. I have never been good with hugs but I try to hug my kids as best I can. I think Strapples is good with hugs because of the pressure.

If your family and friends have you on suicide watch, it means that they obviously don't want you to die. Thats a good thing, they want you to live and that is something that you should live for.
How do you know that everything you worked for wont become a reality? No one can predict the future and you never know...it just might happen.
The fact that you posted this here, proves that you DO want help and that you DO want to live. Which is great...But now you have to figure out who you are going to talk to in real life about this all.

Please choose to stay on this world Sodark. You really never know what the next day will bring. It could be happiness . My life has changed dramatically for the better and without any warning twice and just knowing that it will likely happen again keeps me grounded and smiling.

We're here, you now know there's people from this forum living relatively close to you... who knows? Could be the start of a different way out.

Its a fact that everyone will die one day, but some choose a different kind of death. They choose to leave their current life behind and begin a new one. They move out & far away, change their jobs/careers, seek new experiences. The worst walls are the one we build and box ourselves in.