Great, another damn meltdown

Post Reply New Topic

Well, I just got in a fight with my mother. I don't know if anyone remembers my topic where I said I hated being controlled by a certain "parent" in my household but well I finally screamed at her today, finally let all the bad feelings out in one blast of extreme fury. I didn't want to do it this way, but what can I say I couldn't help it.

The reason why I got angry is because she's denying me the freedom people the same age of me have, and other things to. I've been holding this anger in for years, and letting out felt really good I hate to say it. I am not able to do the things other people around me are able to do, like go outside on the streets by myself, walk home from school by myself (it ain't really that far) and just her denying me many things.

Well, atleast she knows now. She says I want to be become an adult (I'm 16 and yes I do) but I am not because of that random burst of anger.

Well I don't know what to think, can someone please help me?

Maybe your mum's just being over-protective?

That seems to suggest that she sees adults as people who 'control' their emotions (i.e. do not have a sudden burst of anger). Maybe you should try talking to her about your feelings when you feel calmer?

yes, defienetly talk to her when you're calmer and even then when you get angry during your talk you MUST NOT show it, instead rationalize. read about psychology and how to solve problems, for example don't say that:if YOU don't let me go out, then YOU'LL never allow me to become an adult.
that triggers a defence-reaction because she sees it as an accusation(wich it is) and she'll start defending herself instead of figuring out that maybe she really should give you more freedom.
instead, say that you would very much like to walk to school by yourself, assure her that you'll look carefully around before crossing roads etc etc and be very understanding. wanting freedom at 16 is hard for anyone, especially you since you have AS. that's why you have to be more mature than other 16-year olds. you have to prove her often that you can take care of yourself and that you know that she only wants best for you. emotional outbursts may feel good but only work against you showing her that no, you are not mature enough to make decicions yourself
good luck

Abram's right. Unfortunately, people will only take you seriously as an 'adult' when you can restrain yourself emotionally and speak in a firm but reasonable tone. As soon as I figure out how to do this effectively, I'll get back to you on how well it works.

Considering you've been holding it in for years, it was problably for the best (and in such a situation, for me it would be inevitable).

Now follow it up with a rational discussion with her about what you feel you're capable of, but remember that she is your mother, which makes her socially and legally responsible for your well-being. Don't demand for everything at once, be willing to be compromise. If you can't walk home from school everyday, how about some days, and see how it goes. Maybe get a cell phone for safety (or call when you get near school and when you're leaving for home). Walk with a friend. etc., etc. It's hard to remember, but you don't have to stop at "no".

She has concerns for you, so you don't just need to address your concerns for not having freedoms, but her concerns, whatever they may be.