Have you ever felt too f****d up to do what you want to do?

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I used to want to be a cop, then I wanted to be a paramedic, then I wanted to join the armed forces. But I'm too f****d up to qualify for or make myself be qualified for or be accepted into any of them. I'm just a ret*d, f****d up b***h. I feel like there's this part of me that can really help people and that I have a lot of potential but there's this other part of me that's keeping it from being able to do anything and makes people disregard the good side of me, because people seem to care more about the bad side for some stupid reason, because most people are depressed f****d up pieces of s**t too. There are times when I think, I'm really much better off than most people; I don't have ANY of their problems; I could help them, then we can all be friends and be happy. Then there's this other part of me, the f****d up part of me, that's just so disgusted by how they treat me BECAUSE they're f****d up that I just want to let them all rot and be nasty to them to blow off steam and give them a taste of their own medicine and maybe, hopefully, someone who sympathizes or empathizes with me will come along and help me be less depressed and less like them.

I decided to major in art because that's all I thought I could handle.
Turns out I can't handle that either.

If you're so fk'd up, you might be qualified to be a social worker.

Hope I didn't offend anyone.

Anyway - I'm a kid in an adult body. We all are (I think) - so there's no expectation for you to get yourself sorted right away... take your time. Make mistakes, everyone learns something from them.

The best advice I can give is for you to stop trying to find a career... follow your dreams instead.

ie: Cop, Paramedic, Armed Forces .... the only thing I can read here is uniforms and excitement.

Think about what your hobbies are and what your likes and dislikes are. The actual job should be secondary, it should come from doing things you enjoy while being paid for it.

I want to study to be a counsellor. I think it will be an ok field for me as people are asked to discuss how f****d up they are as an entry requirement, and then do a course about how f****d up they are.

Also you can be f*****d up to do Rogerian counselling, because all you are really required to do is listen.

Here you go Ana...

I used to want to be:

A Medic in the Green Berets (U.S.Army Special Forces - 1960's), a police officer, a federal officer, a deep-sea diver, a writer, a musician (professional), a cowboy, and a girl (I suppose with enough money I could still do that one...lol), among other things I may have forgotten.... oops, I remembered ... a helicopter pilot, a jet pilot...

After high school in 1978, I became a....

Medic in the 82nd Airborne (U.S.Army for 11 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days), an oilfield worker (both a roughneck and a roustabout), a welder repairing railroad boxcars, a machinist, an ambulance driver (EMT), a truck driver, bar bouncer, a bar manager, a taxicab driver, a telephone surveyor for the department of agriculture, a pitman in a quick-change oil lube joint, a telephone book delivery person, a security guard, a phlebotomist in a blood bank, another ambulance driver, an emergency room tech, a photographer's assistant, a commercial diver/tender, an information researcher, a heavy construction laborer, another phlebotomist, a horseshoer, a commercial laundry machine operator (very large washing machine), a university student, a recreational program assistant, continuing with the horseshoeing, wildland firefighter, perceptual motor instructor, wilderness survival teacher, phlebotomist... AGAIN... and I know I've missed quite a few other jobs somewhere in that mess...

ALL TOTALED = 40 jobs

AND.. currently I am a lab assistant while going to school for computer science and still dreaming about what I could do someday when I grow up!

I have no worries about my future because I just can't comprehend all those things other adults seem to worry so much about.
I do worry about my daughter, but in four more years she'll be either in university or working and I can worry about her
for different things then

If you want some information on being an EMT in Texas since you're there now, I can offer you some dated but probably still valid advice in that area.
I worked for three EMS systems in Texas... Austin/Travis County, Menard County and El Paso EMS - El Paso, Texas.

I'm not sure why you think you could not do the job or maybe just get a job doing this.
Law Enforcement is generally a bit harder as far as personality and background goes.

So for a 47 year old guy with 40 jobs as an adult, I'm still pretty up-beat about life and my future... you could blame it on ignorance I suppose, but as long as I'm still happy and smiling I don't really care why...

Wsmac, I have wanted to be: a parole officer, a prison guard, a cop, a firefighter, an artillery soldier, an intelligence officer, a paramedic, a pediatric brain surgeon, a nurse, a pediatrician, a daycare owner and worker, a psychiatrist or psychologist, a person who jsut had a regular job and spent their time on their intense discussion webboard and devoted their life to it, a supermom, a foster mother (the more kids the better, and perhaps preferably kids with disabilities and problems and that, the wildest and most exciting the better), a kindergarten teacher, a lawyer, an owner of a shop or chain of shops selling controversial items like t-shirts saying Buck Fush and airport security evading products that, a surgeon in general, an archaeologist, a psych nurse, a forensic pathologist, a crime scene investigator, an owner of a bar/restaurant called the International Incident where there are controversial posters and newspapers and flags and regular brawls, an airport screener (wierd, I know), a director of movies I also acted in (and perhaps they would be musicals and I would also sing and dance in them) a detective, an Olympic swimmer and diver, a sailboat racer, a journalist, a TV reporter, a novelist, a screenplay writer, an actress, a director in controversial films like Michael Moore, a person who goes around the world taking pictures of concentration camps and stuff, a storm chaser, a high school guidance counselor who took students on trips to Europe and other places, a rescue worker, a freelance journalist person who just goes around the world looking for controversy and writes books about it, a Nintendo game designer, a computer game designer, a fashion designer, an interior designer, a swimming instructor, a career criminal (lol), an archetect, a cult leader, and a lot more, I think. Oh, I wanted to go on Canadian Idol too at one point.

Well at least you got that out of the way. What you will do has to do with natural talents and interests, the things that last. You do write a bit, look at many points of view, and have done some traveling.

Currier, people are paid to travel, but not stay around. I liked tour guide, You and Miss Pickwickian could team up for death camp tours.

Drives and interests combine, and that is what happens, human nature. I have done out of character work, but keep coming back where I am comfortable.

Starting with what you do anyway, some people make a living from it. It does not just happen, some education, tools of the trade, and a bit of persistance. I was never that good at computers, but those who were charged a lot more, I just knew a lot more than most, and people gave me money. Computers change, others learn, so constant learning about the new, to keep my place.

Your best shot is becoming yourself. Curbing that which limits you, building that which empowers.

You have energy and drive, and do not seem shy.There is a future for you, being you, with work.

You could be a thousand things, and will be one, it involves self, which is in your control, more or less. People think they are, but they are becoming, and are the main help and hinderance on that path.

Stick with the basics, do you have a clean, fed, well rested self? Are your clothes, living quarters squared away? What could you do today to improve yourself? Those days add up over time. Fortune favors the bold, and the prepared.

Do what you do, but do it better.

There was lots of things I wanted to do but couldn't. Then again if you believe in yourself you can get somewhere..

I feel the same way, most of the time actually.
I guess it is easier to resign yourself to never achieving anything heh.