Help for a 'friend'

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This will be rather long, but I would like some advice.
When I was in school I used to really like a boy - in fact I think I completely fell in love with him, would have done anything for him. But he rejected me and I got depressed. However, what made me more depressed was the fact that he himself became depressed and psychotic and as he ignored me and I wasnt even his friend I couldnt do anything to help him - not being able to help someone you love is one of the worst things I think.
Anyway, after school I didnt see him anymore, and managed to get over my depression and obsession with him with the help of medication. 12 Years passed
Then a month or so ago, guess who contacts me on facebook - yes this boy (now man) with an apology for how he had behaved towards me (in fact apart from ignoring me he hadnt done anything bad) and explaining that he was very messed up at the time and didnt mean to hurt me. I thought this was really nice of him - he didnt have to do that, and after this we had a short email conversation (but still longer than I had ever had with him before) and became facebook friends.
I still care about him because I remember how I felt when I was 17, but now it doesnt affect how I feel - it doesnt make me depressed any more and I am happy to leave things between us like that - I feel that things have gone full circle and my 17-year old self would have been really happy to know that she would be in contact with him later in life.
However, this is the hard part. In our conversation he told me that he had been addicted to heroin (in addition to his depression) and had to work as a prostitute to get money to feed his addiction. I also heard elsewhere that he had been in prison - stealing to feed his addiction. In fact I am sure that he is a nice person underneath, just very messed up (even more than me - in fact I think I liked him because he seemed to be similar to me in some ways). Now he has a job, not one suitable for his level of intellect, but still, he is out of drugs. If I had known his future when I was 17 I would have been devastated, but I find that it doesnt affect me now emotionally. However, since we are now facebook friends and I am loyal to my (few) friends, and in deference to my 17-year old self who would have done anything to help him, I want to take this opportunity of being in contact with him to help him if he needs it.
Recently on facebook he has been sending status updates such as him being a worthless piece of s**t and his life being unbearable. Reading things on his wall, he seems to have a few good friends who are telling him to try and be happier, that his life is not that bad etc. However, I can imagine him feeling that he has wasted his life and made things a lot worse and has no future. I am worried about him, but I dont really know him. And here is my question. Should I contact him and tell him that if there is anything I can do I will do it to try and help him (after all I have suffered a lot from depression myself and know some of the things that have helped me). Or should I just ignore these status updates, stop looking at his page and leave him alone. I want to do what is best for him, not for me, but I have no idea whether he would appreciate me writing and just letting him know that I am here if he needs someone (and I wont demand anything from him - I dont fancy him any more), or if he would think that I am interfering in his life. But after all it was he that contacted me and not vice versa - maybe he would like to be friends with me more but doesnt want to interfere in my life. I have no idea. But I dont want to regret not doing something to help him if he does end up taking his own life. I am 1000 miles away and barely know him, but I do care about him and want to do everything I can.
What do you suggest? Should I ignore him, just write him a message of support (it is his birthday in a few weeks so I could do it then) or should I do more? What would you want me to do if you were him? I have no idea how he feels about me and how I should react.

Hello, I read your post and hope I understand. I think you should reach out to him, it sounds like he's hurting right now and maybe he really needs somebody. It's not necessarily your job to give everything of yourself, but I know from my own personal experience that having a voice of encouragement from the outside can be a big deal when you feel deeply alone. If you aren't really close to him in person, then it's a good idea to send a message and be honest about how much you care.

Just as a side note, and this may not apply here, but some people don't want to be helped and if it happens that he doesn't, don't let that hurt you. It's better to reach out if you honestly care than to say nothing and regret having done so.

-J

Thank you Mirandao, I think that was what I wanted to hear, but I wasnt sure myself that it was the right thing to do. I feel as though finally after all these years I have been given a chance to help him (or at least to try, even if he doesnt want to be helped by me) and I dont want to miss it and regret it all my life. I will message him tonight when I have thought a bit about what to say, but I think I will include telling him that he can ignore me if he wants to and it wont hurt me.

merrymadscientist,
this is very difficult to fathom.

On the one one hand there's the advice from the movie
"Milion Dollar Baby"
which says "Rule Number One : Protect your body"
in which case you should be incredibly wary!

On the other hand, a hand is extended
would you be a traitor to yourself if you didn't grasp it?

I suggest be as supportive as possible
on facebook only.

I've been contemplating the value of interaction
ands it's as essential as air.
Maybe you can help, so do, from a distance

say "hi"
"how you going"
"i'm sorry"
"oh, you muffin,that wasn't very smart! "
"next time,DO IT THIS WAY: "
"I've been thinking about how much it would affect me if you ever did anything crazy -
if we're going to keep talking I have to have your promise that you're going to keep trying."

in other words, be positive, interactive, supportive
but also, flippant, non-judgemental, joyous

This above All others - IN CONTROL

Having dealt with addiction and growing up in an alcoholic family, it was never easy. I know you really like this guy but be careful. It's good to be of support to someone who's had problems but realize ppl don't change over night. I really don't know him well enough, but I do know about coedependence. Now I'm not accusing of that, it's good you want to help him but realize you can't change him, he's the one who has to decide for himself.

The reason I say this is from my own experience with myself and "friends". I was drinker while my friend was into meth. After I got clean and sober I tried to help him as much as I could. I tried to get him into meetings. He refused at first but slowly went to a few. Well I thought he was getting better, he looked healthier. A couple months passed, and I started noticing I had many 1 dollar bills missing. I never said anything to him but thought it would pass. It got worse, I told him I knew he was stealing and I asked him why, he said he was sorry and his intent was he would pay me back. Well he never did, I never brought it up with him. Then he had friend that came over and asked if I would "loan" some money to pay for his rent b/c he was about to be evicted. I think by now I had a pretty clear picture of what really going on. The last time I saw him, he was looking very thin and not himself. I called and asked if he wanted to hangout and go to a meeting. He wanted to hangout but he didn't hangout for long. There was a warrant out for his arrest. No, wasn't for drugs but burglary.

Now I'm not saying this is him, but be careful. I believe in helping but not supporting someone's problems. You said, "I want to do what's best for him, not for me." Now I'm not here to condenm, I just worry when one puts the other over themselves. I wish I could talk because in typing you might misunderstand what I'm saying.

PM me if he you need anymore info. I was in a program for alochol/drug addiction. I think it's great you want to help him, just be careful. Best of luck to you and your friend.

well, I sent him a short message saying that I have noticed that he doesnt seem to be happy and if I can do anything to help him I will, but if he wants me to leave him alone I will do. Havent had a reply yet, but it seems as though he has replied to one of his other friends on facebook, so I guess he has probably read it. Anyway, I wont do anything more until/unless I hear back from him.

Good idea. Just give it some time. He'll come out of his shell when he wants to.

Yay - he replied to me and said that I wasnt bothering him at all, he had had a bad week and that he was glad that someone cared. So I did the right thing! Thanks for all your advice. I dont think that it will go outside facebook - I just messaged him back saying I was glad he was feeling better now and he knows where to find me any time he wants to 'talk'. I imagine that he probably wont do, but its nice that he appreciated me (finally after all these years!). If I can do even the slightest thing to help him I will be glad.

p.s. It has been really useful to get advice from here - there are at most a couple of people I could talk to about it in real life and they would all say keep away from him - because they want to protect me. But having the view from people who are distant from me is much more objective and useful I think. I really wish Id known about WP last year when I was depressed and having problems with friends.

yeah, WP is definitely a good place. I've learned a lot about AS from here and it's helped me understand myself better.