Why do people need to be so cruel?

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I've been on the job for 8 months now, working my ass off, sometimes over 12 hours a day, well into the night, till midnight. I've even worked all through a national holiday. Never called in sick, never got sick, just once took a day off for errands and once for hospital tests. Over a month ago I requested a day off for this Friday, to be with my brother who is visiting from the other end of the world, and a family event we're holding on Friday, and was granted it with a "sure!" from my boss (in writing). Today she comes and asks me when it is that I won't be in the office (I had reminded her yesterday about Friday, she had asked me to remind her close to the date), so I again told her it's this Friday. She goes "oh, I think I need you for the team meeting, so I may have to cancel your day off." I never feel like crying, and I usually get lots of cruelty from people, but this is so cruel that for the first time in a long time I feel like crying. I'm not needed in the team meeting. And she can hold it any other day, she had over a month to make sure we'd all be able to be present. Why, oh why do people have such a need to be cruel to each other????

It's not like she's really being entirely cruel, she could've just said "No. Come into work or you're fired."

No, she couldn't. Because I would've gone to HR, and another employee already complained about her to HR. You can't play like that with people's personal lives. The employee invests non refundable money in their vacation time, make commitments to family, old disabled members of the family have to be driven to the event and depend on the employee, and countless personal issues are affected. A major work crisis may justify it, but a weekly team meeting that she's known about for months is unexcusable, especially when she waited over a month to cancel it 3 days before the date. Besides, saying "I may need you, I may cancel..." is cruelty. Explaining that something has come up and she really needs me to be there is one thing. Talking in a vague manner, just inducing anxiety but actually not cancelling the vacation day or giving any certainty either way, is plain mental cruelty. Once you get written approval of vacation time, that time becomes personal time. It's not the company's anymore. Just like a weekend. They can't force you to cancel your plans without a very good reason. Especially because we have a system in the conference room whereby I can be present in the meeting from any point in the world, just from your cellular, and we use it all the time with employees that are on the other end of the world.

She can't cancel your day off after she's already approved it. She's just trying to take advantage of you. Tell her you've made plans that you can't break, and if the meeting is really important, then someone should take notes and give you a copy.

Does she know how much it hurt you? I think she may be just not be very empathetic, maybe she didn't even realise that she was being cruel. Anyway, if you got it in writing I don't see how she can really keep you against your will.

I told her it's out of question, that it's the rounding off of my brother's visit that day, and as she knows there's a family event in another city, and that I'll be more than happy to be present in the meeting from my phone. She didn't say anything, but if she had cancelled the approval of the day off, I would've respected her more. The fact that she just changed the subject, shows me all she wanted was to mess with my brain, the b***h.

Yeah does sound abit like they may be trying to take advantage or overpower, just focus on the important things...

This is what separates me from other people - that I'll never understand their need to be cruel to each other. What does she earn from it? To make sure that I'll stab her in the back when I get the opportunity to do so without risk to myself? Later she choked on her food in her office, I could hear her struggling to breathe, and I pretended not to hear. Why is this what people want from their relationships with others??????????

I wouldn't try backstabbing her personally, then you're just lowering yourself to her level. Maybe she wasn't trying to be cruel, maybe she was just disorganized, or maybe she's jealous you have the day off. But in either case, you need to set boundaries, make sure you're not advertising yourself to be taken advantage of, because some people will take a foot if you give them an inch, as the old saying goes. Why are you working 12 hour days? Are you a nurse or shift worker or something? I hope you're not donating your time, because people will take advantage, that's just human nature.

It wasn't malicious.

Oh, now I get it! Yes, jealous was probably it. She played this little scene right after she heard me say to a bunch of colleagues how happy I was about the day off. She can take the day off whenever she wants, so her envy is actually not for the day off, but for my ability to rejoice in the little things. It often happens to me that people try to spoil my rejoicing in the little things of life, because they can't. Now it all makes sense. Lesson learnt, never again to express genuine joy at work.

My sincerest hope is that that isn't the lesson you learned from this experience GreenTea. You are far too good a person. Take courage from the fact that you figured out HER motivations and can deal with in the future. And pride from your successful confrontation.

But you should never have to learn to conceal happiness.

I hope you enjoy your day off.

Sometimes, that's just the way it works out!

I hope things improve with you soon!

My interpretation: it was a power play, a test. If you work 12 hours and holidays, it should mean you're dedicated. However, it also signals to management that they can walk over you. That you have no life. They will then use you to make their life easier. I am very happy to hear you got it in writing and stood up for yourself. To allow her to cancel a scheduled day off would have given her the green light to turn you into a doormat whenever she wanted. You shouldn't offer to be present by phone. A day off is a day off. Period. You set an important boundary and you should be proud of yourself. Enjoy your day!

I'm going to tell you a secret. Cruelty, malice, evil, insensitivity, are caused by low self-esteem in the person inflicting the pain.

If you look at the most terrible people throughout history, study the details of their personality, the stages of their lives, their actions.... you'll always be able to conclude that they weren't pleased with themselves AT ALL, so they projected the self-disgust. The stronger the hate of who they are, the more twisted.

Evil is childishness. Immaturity in its essence. Where there is compassion, there is wisdom and maturity.

With that knowledge, GreenTea... move forward.

- D