Dominated by my roommates (this is long, sorry)

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Well, at least by one of them. It's terrible. I was at least able to get my own room this year, which kept me from having to drop out of school again, but I am so often confined to it just because this girl brings her loud friends over into the shared kitchen/living room area where they drink and say "like" and "oh my god" and "what a b***h" and "You're so HOT! No, seriously!" nearly every other sentence.

For some reason, the layout of our apartment is such that sounds from the shared area carry very audibly (Jesus, one of them just screamed as I'm typing this. WTF is wrong with some people?!) down the hallway to all the bedrooms, while you can't hear a sound from anyone if they are in their own room with the door closed.

And it's not just Saturday nights, either. Even if I could accept the fact that they need to come over here and get ready/drink for 2-3 hours before heading to a club, this girl will also have these same loud, obnoxious conversations with her friends on weekday afternoons.

I have trouble concentrating on my work as it is. This week in particular, I was screwed up really badly by how much these sounds affect me.

I don't understand. When my boyfriend comes over (not that we talk that loudly anyway), we go to my room to hang out. My other roommates do the same with their friends, if they know they are going to be loud.


So, today I was freaking out pretty badly and not willing to see anyone when someone starts banging on the door really loudly.

I have not left the house, or had person-to-person contact all day. At the time, I was not in a position where I could deal with that sort of interaction. So I ignore it, assuming one of the other three people who live here will handle it. After a couple minutes of this incessant sound, the knocking starts to take on a repeated "Shave and a haircut- two bits" pattern- just as aggressively. I finally give up, I'm freaked out by the noise at this point, rush to the door and open it, then rush back into my room as my loud roommate glares at me and gives me a sarcastic "thanks."

I spend the next half hour locked in my room having a minor panic attack.

When I re-emerge, I find an essay-lengthed note taped to our front door about how we all need to keep the main area cleaner, and take out the trash and clear dishes, ect- basically accusing "certain people" of "contributing the most" to the garbage, and not taking care of it.

Now, our place is really pretty clean for a college apartment during midterms. The one roommate that doesn't scare me as much does have a habit of leaving her dishes in the sink for longer periods of time- especially when we all have testing. I could really care less about this. It's true that the trash frequently does not get taken out- by anyone, including the loud, letter-writing girl. The last month and a half, my broken wrist has kept me from being the one to take out huge bags of empty alcohol bottles and containers of chinese/thai food from these impromptu social gatherings. I took it out all the time before my injury, but it's kinda impossible for me to unlock all the weighted doors that separate the garbage area from our apartment while carrying that stuff. They all know I have had a really hard time, and the other two haven't given me any crap about it.

So, I taped another note on the door under hers- briefly stating that she made some valid points, restating my situation with the injury and then adding:

I retreat to my room, and a couple hours later- a bunch of her friends show up to, again, be loud and drunk and talk about dumb stuff in the shared area for the next few hours.

The only time they drop their voices to a whisper, I distinctly pick out- among a few other gossipy judgments- the words "that girl," and "asperger's syndrome."

WTF?! ..I haven't told the loud girl, but my other roommate does know I have AS, so I'm not surprised if she found out. But this girl and her friends make my life really, really difficult. And I don't give them dirty looks or anything. I just hide a lot. I think I should be validated in not appreciating high-pitched, idiotic conversation and laughter going on for hours on end, whether I have "issues" or not. I think if you and your friends have annoying, ear-piercing laughter that continues for 10 minutes after someone says the word "butthole," or need to loudly gossip about who is a b***h every time you come over at the age of 22, you've got more issues than I do.


...THIS is why I'm scared of NT females.


They are still here. And this is long, and I write slowly. Thank god I insisted on bringing my car over to college, I'm going for a drive.

Last edited by ford_prefects_kid on 16 Mar 2008, 2:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Is this house on campus or off-campus? If it's off-campus, and you have a spare $500, I have a very simple solution:

Buy a gun (particularly a .357 Magnum, a 12 gauge Mossberg, or an AK-47/Mak-90 variant). They won't screw with you if they know you'll shoot back. Well, that's not entirely true. They'll keep pushing your buttons, until they know you really will shoot them.

As an added bonus, go out to the woods, and get some target practice in on some of those human silhouette targets. Put said targets up on their doors after you're finished, so they can see how controlled your groupings are getting at range.

I don't care much, about many NT females, either. I've had my share of problems, with them. They think that they're better than everybody else, and their not discrete about it, either. If you're not a girly-girl, they think that you're screwed up, in the head. I've worked with them, quite a while, ago. They kept on asking me the same personal questions, and talking about sex and boyfriends, all the time. I was finding myself hating people more, with each passing day, until going to see the first Austin Powers movie, mellowed me out, to the point, that I've no longer hated people. I had fantasies about running over their feet, with a Vespa scooter. That's how bad I was, between 1994, and the first four months of 1997. Some NT males weren't much better, in my mind. They were just as bad. I had to deal with my father, who who couldn't stand being wrong, and he was that way with me, more than he was, with my mother and my sister. I've stopped talking to him, in the summer of 1994. I'd have dreams, that it was the Mid 1960s, and I was in England. The Mods & Rockers would kill off anybody who was over the age of 30. I look back at all this, today, at the age of 33, and I feel that I had a very valid reason to think and feel the way that I did, between the ages 19 and 21.

I had to stop collage myself because I could not stand dorm and roommate life. It is sooooo vial that I have my own living space, I need to be able to control where my things are and I need my area of sleep and residence to be only big enough for one person, myself.

It is because of this I refuse to take on a roommate, and I have had friends ask me.

One of my dreams in life was to get my own place and make it my own. I have all that, tryed taking on another roommate from work and that lasted all of 2 weeks, I could not stand it anylonger, and felt like my home was not mine anylonger, and my only personal space was my bedroom. He ended up leaving after he could not aford to pay the rent thank God. I still have a best friend and an old friend from elementary school ask me if they can move in. One claims they will pay me $50 a week and the other told me I owe them because they took me in when I was in a bad position. For the friend offering me $50 a week he fails to understand that this place costs me alot when all the bills are factored in, and that overall he would not be paying even half the cost to live here. Not to meansion the fact that I put in thousands over these years, I basicly work to spend money on living and other things when it comes to surviving. He thinks he can just pay me, have me pay more then half the bills still AND he gets to use all my appliences, my TV, computer, and all he brings is $50 a week, not only is it not worth it but he makes it sound like I am unreasonable and not smart by not letting him move in, hes just mad cause he did not get his way. For the other guy indeed he rented me his nasty old basement and I lived on a cot after I left my parents house and lived their for a mounth, paying him rent. I never twisted his arm, he needed money and I came along.

Basicly before I got off on a tangent about my own problems, sorry. but ASD'ers just need to be in control of their environment, we need our own place and our needs are different then everyone elses and roommates IMO do nothing but make collage absolute hell, and I never finished as a result.

You should do everything possible to try and get that room to yourself, talk to someone because I dont want you to never finish like I did. I really wish ya the best of luck and hope things work out for ya.

Hey ford... *solidarity*

Never been in your situation myself so got nothing to offer you but moral support.

Keep strong sister!

How did you manage to get that room setup? At the university I want to go to, they have it, but it's only for upper-graduates (which is not me). I don't know if I can cope with a roommate in my room and in my space all the time, and that setup would be the perfect situation. I can be social when I choose, but I have alone time where I can stress without people in my face.

I feel for you though, and I wish that that girl would shut up for you.

What kind of solution is that? After the Virginia Tech Shooting, any mention of a gun is a sure way to get kicked out of school.

My niece just started her freshman year at college in September, 2007 and by Christmas, the school was forced to find her another roommate for the third time. Finally, she was placed with someone she can live with and not so selfish and obnoxious!

I hope things improve with you soon!

What you have is a stupid bimbo. it is good that you have an escape route when needed. and the thing with one roomie sharing the AS with the other roomie, she might have been trying to help, trying to get the other girl to act better, might even be fed up with the girl herself and used you as one of the reasons the girl needs to be quieter.

Now just keep in mind, this type of girl is the type that will find herself in a relationship, being cheated on by her BF with her best friend. Because none of these girls actually have friends either. They may be uber social, but every single one of them knows that the moment their backs are turned, someone is talking about them. We may have social problems, but our friends, the people we actually let see us, stay friends usually for a long time.

i hide too. i have three roomies. one set is a couple. and the other is a guy. When i moved in i told everyone i am OCD, because that is 1. as far as I trust people I don't know, and 2. the easiest way to explain to some people some aspects of my personality without going into detail.

Me and the NT girl don't get along. she has actually called me annoying. she goes around and does stuff like tips my medicine bottles over, moves my text books around on my shelf in the living room, and goes into my room and moves stuff. I am scared of her. So I went to her bf and he made her stop, at least going into my room.

Anyways, I had exams this past week and have gotten really bad scores on them again. I can't afford to let my home life interfere with my school. So i am moving. I have found a place, it isn't very pretty, but it is a single residence. all by myself. and only for $40 more rent plus utilities. i just have to go through moving, again.

hang in there, not all NT's are bad. just put in the headphones, and relax...

Keep harassing the dean, and I do mean keep harassing him, until he gets you a real private room. Or go to a shrink who can write you a letter for Social Services explaining your needs. Or get a fridge and camping stove for your room.

Fine, shooting them isn't a solution.

However, I'm certain there are ways to emotionally torture them without leaving evidence behind.

Or sell all of their stuff on eBay.

I can totally relate and sympathize with you. I had one roommate who would invite her pals over, and they would blare the TV in the living room at top volume and have similar conversations with lots of shouting and fake laughter. One time I came home from class to find our apt turned into a huge party, with at least 30 people, and she hadn't even bothered to tell me ahead of time. And then later, she LEFT a whole bunch of these people behind at our place, and went to a bar, but we didn't even realize she was gone. What a nightmare.

I guess you want advice, well you have several options. I used to escape a lot, go to the library, computer lab, nearby park, and then this shop-type of classroom I had access to. It's not ideal, of course, to not have a safe haven, but it's only a temporary solution--you won't be there forever. (Earplugs help too, but often they're not enough). If it was noisy at night, I've slept in various places--shop, lighting booth, green room, storage room... you could probably find something if it was necessary.

You could also look into other housing alternatives, for instance shared accomodation near the campus. If you can find a house with working professionals or older people, it would be quieter. Of course most students are like yourself and need a lot of quiet time, so maybe if you transferred to another dorm you'd be better off.

I wouldn't worry too much about things like household chores, those issues always come up in dorms, some people are just slobs and others want it to be neat, it's really hard to find a compromise. So just keep your own stuff tidy and maybe give a hand when you can, but don't stress out about it. Once I came home and found one of my roommates had put notes everywhere with chores on them, things like 'clean the microwave', 'wipe the counters', etc with PLEASE written in big letters. So I wrote a note that said "Stop putting these f---ing notes on the wall--PLEASE" and of course that just made a bad situation worse. But the note you wrote was nice and thoughtful.

I hope things get better for you. You only have about a month left anyway, don't you. College can test your endurance like nothing else--the stress, the roommates, the bad food, being broke, all the daily household stuff you need to deal with. Trust me, it's hard for every serious student, not just Aspies. All the partiers might be having fun now, but the party will soon be over for them. Whereas if you get your diploma/degree, you're on your way to a better life. Good luck and hang in there!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb3e7MhHjR0[/youtube]

I would think at Berkeley this stuff would stop

I hate noise, especially in areas that are supposed to be for studying. I loathe it. We have "labs" at our school, where we are supposed to get work done. Most of the time my thoughts wander every time a person utters a new sentence in a conversation. I just can't get anything done when someone talks.

Edit: Earplugs! What a great idea! Maybe I'll bring my CD player and use it to listen to classical music.

LOL

Thanks for the advice and support, guys. Seems like a few of you have dealt with this already, and that was good to hear.

Yeah, me too. But any school- maybe especially in CA- that has a mass communications department is going to attract some girls like that, no matter what its reputation is.

Ebec, I got the single room set-up by communicating with the housing department about my disability before-hand. (Our disability center is not terrific, but the woman in charge of student housing was very nice.) However, I'm learning housemates can make a huge impact on your life whether you choose to live in a normal sized room that you share, or if you live in your own private walk-in closet.

I've decided not to care anymore what the loud girl and her friends think of me. I don't want to make enemies, but I can't obsess about what other people think of me so much. If her voice is already getting to me, I shouldn't start worrying about her thoughts, right?

The one girl I kind of like who seems to at least tolerate me would not be a bad roommate to keep, but I can't control who the university assigns to the remaining two rooms.

I've thought about looking into finding my own housing, but I'm really just so painfully shy about meeting people or proposing any such thing. I don't know that anyone at this school really knows me all that well yet.

I can't help wishing my school put some effort into matching up students based on personality. We didn't even fill out questionnaires. How do I possibly find another female on campus who has similar needs/requirements? I doubt anyone else at Berkeley is on WP.

Thank you...I wonder if I could get that for myself. I actually can be social at times, but I need just as much time (actually, more) to recover by myself. I don't care if it's noisy since I can listen to music to relax.