I hate the fact that I wish I had a girlfriend

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Other than that, my life is pretty dang good right now. I live in an absolutely beautiful part of the country (Silicon Valley), and spend my weekends hiking and biking. Now that daylight savings time has started, I even have enough time after work to ride my bicycle down to the baylands to watch the sunset.

I have plenty of other things in my life, too: I like good beer. I like good movies. I like good books. I like good music. I like my motorcycle. I like my car. I like good food. I like anime. I like games.

While I dislike my job (very easy/boring), it pays well enough, is a low number of hours for software industry (40-45), and it gives me a chance to listen to audiobooks/music when doing simpler tasks (most of the day). While my body is in a tiny office debugging some piece of crap code, my mind is exploring the great philosophers of our history and is enraptured by great novelists, and not-so-great popular writers (since they're fun, dang it!).

The tangible things that I want, but lack (house, boat, sound system), are simply a result of not yet having earned the money for them. It’s only a matter of time.

I’ve worked through most of the raw angst and debilitating inhibitions that were constraining me for most of my life, but there’s still some left. The other thing I want to change is being so OCD about internet use.

But even when I’m out enjoying myself, loneliness strikes unexpectedly, and it completely pulls me out of whatever it is that I’m doing, and can consume my thought process for the rest of the day. The loneliness was the main source of the raw angst that I’ve had to deal with, which reminds me of it, even though it should be behind me.

My romantic history is absolutely nothing (a few dates that never went anywhere), and even my track record for having friends (of either gender) is horrible, to the point that I feel that I would be better off not dealing with such things.

I spent two years wholly absorbed by trying everything I could to learn about human behavior, psychology, and communication (going as far as taking an entire college semester of communication classes). I went to as many social events as I could, and aside from one real friend (and some superficial ones who were always “busy” the entire 2 years that I knew them, despite their pretending to like me. They're all back in New Mexico), nothing good came of it. Beginning last summer, I ran out of the the endurance to keep it up. Instead of spending all of my energy on such foolishness and seeing nothing in return, I’d rather just live my life on my own terms.

I still banter with my roommates and coworkers, plus attend some social functions, but it feels empty and a waste of time.


If I could simply eliminate the psychological need for attachment, things would be great. It just seems like wanting to have friends and a girlfriend is more like a drug craving than something I genuinely want to be part of my life.

so do i...

I hope things improve with you soon!

Hey gsilver:

Things should get better for you. Relationships for people on the autistic spectrum are often not intuitive, but more like learning to play a piano. The more you "play" the more comfortable you tend to become. Continue to follow your interests, and be true to yourself, but find space for doing some social things too. The social might seem empty right now, but it can lead to finding someone.

Z

Zonder we've heard that our entire lives and while it maybe (and probably is) true it doesn't help the here and the now which is where we are currently living. If all you're doing is looking to the future you won't see what is right in front of you.

Personally I can feel my soul starting to harden. My "friends" don't even think to call me when they do simple things that I might be interested in and one of my female friends seems to absolutely hate me right now. The other (yeh a whole 2) is wonderful to me beyond that of any normal human but I can feel her being stretched to her limits by my negativity because I do live in the here and the now.

As for eliminiating that need for attachment all you can really do is endure, replace it with a dog or some form of castration. The last option comes with a LOT of negatives and positives where as the first one is just emotional pain which everyone has to deal with on some level.

Caravaggio:

I completely understand, don't get me wrong, I've been there, although in a slightly different way. I'm 43 and until a few months ago I had never had a serious relationship. I'd had the opportunity before on a few occasions, but I sensed that my emotional development was so delayed that I wasn't capable of having or sustaining a relationship. I knew I wasn't ready for it, so I avoided intimacy. I'd given up that I would ever be comfortable in a relationship but have now discovered that relationships are great. I wish it hadn't taken so long for me, but at least I didn't force it when I wasn't ready.

Relationships are different for every person and not having one can be extremely frustrating and difficult, but give yourself a break. The more you are comfortable with yourself, the more you will be attractive to the ladies.

Z

Being attracted to them isn't the issue, them being attracted to me is. Seems that is the problem for most of the guys around here as well, however I can't speak for them when it comes to hygiene and such as I have my NT female friend to give me pointers when asked.

Apparently women like it when they can't smell your breath or body! Whoda thunk that one.

Yup, smelling good is definitely attractive to the Ladies. Deodorant makes me break out. Cologne makes my throat burn and eyes water. Kind of a Catch-22.

Z

heck i couldn't have written it better. ditto.


well except i dont like hiking and im too math stupid to code