I want to die

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I have not been in this forum for months but I want to say this somewhere and I don't really have anywhere else where to say this.

I want to die. I have no friends. I have never been out with a woman. I am alone in my apartment.

I am in my late 20s and it sometimes seems as if this will not change ever in my life. I know it sounds as if I am catastrophysing but I don't see any real out.

I have actually made much progress since I was a teenager in improving who I was. I use to walk in lines either parallel of perpendicular to walls while looking straight at the ground. I did other weird crap. All of it convinced me that a girl would have to be out of her damn mind to go out with the likes of me. Now, I don't stick out as much. This is a sick joke; I have made a lot of progress and still it is not enough.

I've been reading Hamlet a lot lately.

Saw this in the kids crater and responded there.

I have something many folks here do not... a child. When my daughter is with me, I am very happy!
When she is with her mom (half the time), I spend my time all alone.
I don't like it, I wish I were better about finding friends to do things with also.
I have my job for some socialization, I chat a little with some folks at school sometimes, I see two therapists (for different issues) and I enjoy my weekly talks with them (I alternate weeks with each one), and I come here where I have three people with whom I PM back and forth.

For now, this is my life.
Somehow I use this to keep myself happy enough to not think about being miserable.

I cannot tell you what to do specifically, but hopefully you'll find your own way soon and be happier for it.

I don't believe in any gods, though.

I was re-reading what I just wrote. I've read stuff like this before.

I didn't see it as you looking for sex... rather, companionship.

Like I mentioned, I'm not very adept at having friends to do things with, so I suppose I don't have anything of value to offer you.

When you use the term, "Friend", what are you meaning?
Are you looking for someone to spend time with each day or a couple of times a week?
Is this someone who shares an interest with you or many interests?
Is this someone you want to hang out with or also unload your problems to?
Are there varying degrees of friendship that you will accept?

I'm just trying to think of ways to stimulate your mind into understanding your wants and needs and how best to fill these.

I talk above about how I have found certain places and people that I can use to satisfy my longing for human relations.
They might not be exactly what I like or want, but for now they suffice.

Can you see yourself being happy with something/someone that temporarily fills the void?

How about pets? Dog, Cat, ______?

My impression is that one should be pretty flexible with the concept of friend. Deep down inside (I know it's an over-used cliche) I don't think I mind being alone much. What I don't like is the extreme of loneliness that I have to put up with.

Being alone 80-90% of the time would be fine with me but I'm alone something approaching 100% of the time.

"I don't believe in any gods, though.[/quote]"



My Christian faith has really helped me a lot with AS. No matter what I do that is socially wrong, Jesus loves me. When no one else around me understands the things I am going through, Jesus does.

...or something to that effect. Who said that?

An omniscient, omnipotent, perfectly benevolent and moral god who allows 1 in 100 people to be afflicted with schizophrenia. You might be able to argue that autism is not that bad, but schizophrenia.

1 in 40,000 will develop schizophrenia before the age of 10. My brother is one of them. God has a plan for all of us. Why does God's plan for my brother involve so much suffering?

If you assume that God, or anything like it, doesn't exist, it all makes sense. We live in a world where good relies on us if it's going to have any chance of surviving. And we do this against the indifference of a world that, by and large, has not the capacity to care for anyone or anything.

There are people on the psychological front line, who without their faith would be ruined.

There are no easy answers. And beware those who have then all, because answers can be like weapons in the hands of those who don't question.

In the contemplative traditions of all religions, there is a well of wisdom. But in all religions there are those who are unable to see that sin is only part of the whole in which love and beauty predominate.

Jesus is fine example of love in action.

I wish you well my friend.

I think I understand.

Never really had friends either - not in the most strict sense and very rarely in the sense of having people to hang out with on weekends. I was constantly bullied/isolated/harassed at school and within my own family - never with the possibility of turning to anyone. Parties, Christmas, even my own birthday became things alien to me as I grew older.

I hadn't had a girlfriend until sometime before my 26th birthday. I hand't even kissed until then. Back then I was stuck at a workplace where I was constantly harassed and forced to sit there doing nothing for 8 hours each day - and still I wasn't left the hell alone; I was tracked down to forums like this and personal issues were used to ridicule me even further - it scares me to think some people can hate and become so violent out of sheer envy and nothing else. (I changed jobs but I still have to deal with a couple guys like that.) Anyway. . . I was close to killing myself during most of 2006 and then felt like that again when my girlfriend ended the relationship a couple months ago. I remember I used to shudder back then out of sheer psychological pain.

I like your sig. I finished reading Beyond Good and Evil a couple years ago - with that I finished reading all his major works since Human, All too Human. Nietzsche is a good read for the likes of us.

Please don't say that!

We're here for a reason!

I hope things improve with you soon!

Another serious topic

I have always found that joining a task-oriented group is a good way of being with others in a parallel way until you can socialize more easily. You might meet a person who becomes more socially significant over time.

You are a graduate student. This means you already have some university education. I have not even gone beyond high school, except in self education. You will have the papers to prove it.

You are such a young man. I do not know where you live but talking to a peer counselor can help (someone your own age that you could have something in common with).

The other posters had excellent ideas, as well.

Hello?

Where are you?

I know you are out there somewhere and you really want to take positive advantage of your life!

If I were you, I would think positively!

Hey!!

I hope I haven't ruined Hamlet for you guys.

It's a great play. The English is old and hard to understand at times but it's possible to understand enough of it to get hooked on it.

If I understand the basic story correctly, Hamlet is fed up with life and, through his raging depression, does a lot of stupid things. He then realizes his flaws but he can't undo what he had done earlier when he wasn't as wise.

If you're going to watch the movie, watch only Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet. It's the longest but is very well made. The only down side is that the movie takes a while go get interesting if you understand very little of the English they use.

The other adaptations I've seen (Ethan Hawk's and Mel Gibson's) suck serious ass.

All that dies must live topic

Sometimes you have to turn even Shakespeare on his ass.

I am glad you are feeling better, Mr. P.

Thanks for the info about Hamlet. Kenneth Branagh is an awesome actor.